Two days ago she became really apathic and slept all the time, barely crawling anywhere. She only ate a piece of banana and she only drank water from my finger. I saw her try from the water bottle, but she seemed to have no strength in her tongue even to push the ball enough for her to actually drink from it. We didn't think she'd live through the night. It was late and we cuddled her for the whole evening. We even separated her from the little ones because one of them was so hyper and it bothered her. But then Cotton got really anxious and seemed distraught by being alone, so I put her next to them in their cage, and she nuzzled in with them. I woke up at 5 am, checked on her, she was so cold that I'd thought that's it, but when I wanted to take her body out, she moved (and I got both relieved and more worried, she didn't want water even from my finger at that point). So in the morning I called off work, in the afternoon I took her to the vet. Her temperature as far too low (34 Celsius, typically rats are at 37,5-39 C), so taht explains why I almost thought she's already gone at 5 am. They said there's something not sounding great in her lungs, but because she wasn't sneezing or anything, they connected it to her age and probably some heart issues, which is common at her age. They could've made some tests but there was no telling whether it would clarify anything or help before her body gave up. She was already not drinking or eating and tests involve stress and results take time so I doubt she'd survive until we knew what was wrong. I just didn't want her to dehydrate more and starve just because I desperately wanted to keep her alive. And I didn't want to give her a huge stress at the end. It wouldn't have been fair, I wanted her to go peacefully.
She was already about 2,5 years old, it's normal for a rat, but I was hoping she would auntie the kiddos for a few more months... I've been crying for two days straight and it really shows in my eyes, but I also can't be bothered with any make up, besides I don't really own any... I'm tired and drained.
I think the kiddos felt sad a bit too, they were very quiet in their cage when I came back home. And when I tried to let her run for a bit in controlled conditions, they went into my sleeve and stayed there, then under my shirt and stayed there for even longer.

Thanks for letting us know where you are so that we can check up on the local situation in case we don't hear from you, River! Holding my thumbs that you won't get any new fires close by!

mem, again, I'm so sorry to hear it :( But it's nice that you could give her a peaceful ending and she wasn't in some horrible pain from her condition (at least it doesn't sound like she was). I hope the little ones will get over the loss quickly and also manage to cheer you up a bit! Some extra cuddly times sound like they will be good for all of you.

You're welcome Chrizine :)


Mem - I'm so sorry that's happened :(

I'm sure kiddos will be fine soon enough. We are still trying to tame them and familiarize them with us, but one of them doesn't take this shit xD
Ash and I are still recovering though. He even said he doesn't want to have rats anymore. But I bet he just needs time.

BTW, he almost died today. A car hit a tram while he was crossing the street and had he ran in another direction he might've been hit by other cars or by the stones/car parts fyling around.
Something's fishy, the universe is hunting my happiness down xD jk

Thank you <3
And yeah, I'm still astonished he's here and safe.

I'm sorry about the nightmares :( but they're justified, you're still processing everything and you're stressed out. And man, periods come at the best times, don't they...
It's okay to come and vent here, we can make some sad confetti too *sprinkles silver&blue confetti*
I kind of wish this month is over it's not being the kindest...

I think I'm gonna be okay with my resolutions, even if I don't actually end up with a finished first draft, I at least hope to stick with writing every day and every moment I can. Of course being flexible and reasonable.
But I get the point totally. Apparently about 75%-80% of people who make resolutions only stick to them for the first week or so. And the rest usually fails about a month into the year so... Yeah, January is super sad. Plus it's a dead month for many business braches, too, and it's right after Christmas. And everybody is already tired of Christmas before it even comes, so December isn't great either.
And if something personal happens in January, you end up really mentally fucked in the ass...

Getting paid is awesome. I cross my fingers they will sign you up again :)

I attended the first day of my workshops today, it was pretty cameral and fun. Then I came home and got migraine and I'm sitting here, like what the hell is this shit about, I wasn't even that nervous XD
Oh, and yesterday I got a very positive fedback about my scene on that other writing course. I was genuinely surprised

My resolutions are the same as last year. Basically '19 was such a bad year for me I'm not counting it. So I'm starting anew. :}

tbh my resolution is to finish my cert 4 in programming.

and try to stick to using my bike 5 days a week..7 if I can but if not weekends can be rest time.

as it is I over did it on Friday, my arm is too sore and now I'm getting phantom pains in my forearm (that's from another thing entirely).