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 Post subject: Compliments
Posted: May 8th, '17, 22:25    


PastelWitch

Joined: Oct 1st, '16, 18:42
Posts: 1154
Hugs: 37864
Mood: Obsessed
Location: Between Realms
I'm not very good at taking/receiving compliments.

Like, at all. I don't know if this is stemmed from a slightly emotionally starved childhood or if it's just me being awkward but I struggle so hard with genuine, nice things said about me or something I've done. It feels weird. I don't believe I earn these nice things and don't think I deserve them - it's like; "why are you saying these things to me?"

I almost get that immediate feeling of 'is this a joke?' - like friends are just teasing me or maybe they pity me? It makes me feel awkward and embarrassed. I don't know how to respond at all and feel like if I don't say something back it'll be weird but then I say something and make it weird anyway because I'm so socially inept lol. It's gotten worse since my long-time partner left me, I think mainly because he was the only one whose opinion I cared about - now that he's gone I kind of just feel like people are mocking me. I'm not very self-confident so when people say nice things I don't really believe them.

The other side of this is that I am constantly reassuring my friends that they are beautiful, that they're a prince/princess and are the best. Is there a way to learn how to take compliments? Does anyone else struggle with this kind of thing?

I dunno to be honest, I just wanted a place to rant a little.

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she/her
wild knuffel vote


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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: May 11th, '17, 21:58    


Moi

Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 21:48
Posts: 53983
Hugs: 322157
Mood: Know you're not alone.
Website: http://seppukuaddict.deviantart.com/
Location: \8u/

I used to think people only told me I was pretty or a nice person just to make me feel better.
I used to be a very self-loathing person.
"I'm ugly" "I'm stupid" "I should be dead and others should be alive".
I've gotten higher self-esteem, though.

When I get compliments, I get really embarrassed and want to hide.

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Image

"I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears."



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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: May 15th, '17, 06:02    


Lycanthus

Joined: May 9th, '16, 11:49
Posts: 286
Hugs: 14451
Mood: tired/busy
Website: https://soundcloud.com/xysander
compliments about things i have little control over don't make an impression on me. for example, if i'm just out in my pjs and someone calls me cute, i'm like... the heck? i'm in my pjs, are you sure?

in that case, i think such a compliment is wasted on me because there are people who try much harder than i do to look good.

i also don't really feel compliments about my art either, and i think it's because i consider it a secondary hobby? i care a LOT more about my music and writing, but i've gotten a little salty because those don't get noticed as much as my art, which is upsetting because i care about those a lot more- especially my writing. i know that sounds ungrateful, but like... i've spent 10 years perfecting my writing style and i've been into music since i was 12. art, i just do it on the side as a hobby.

then again, i think i'd feel proud if someone complimented my watercolor pieces, so i guess it kind of depends. but yeah, i'm kind of weird with compliments too.

i get praise for a twine game i made once for a game jam (it took my two hours) and i always think it's so strange. a few articles wrote about it too, which is even weirder to me.

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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: May 18th, '17, 00:07    


AutobotDen

Joined: Apr 28th, '12, 07:41
Posts: 1689
Hugs: 18092
Mood: Wear a mask, Save Lives!
I have a hard time accepting compliments, too. Some of that is due to "Imposter Syndrome" (which is totally real, look it up). Some of it is due to being bullied for my looks when I was in middle school (girls are incredibly catty and mean in the 11-14 age group, unfortunately), and I've been struggling with depression for the past several years. It's hard to see the good in yourself and what you do when your brain is trying its best to troll you.

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Wishlist items at current:


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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: May 18th, '17, 00:34    


Akili Li

Joined: Nov 24th, '15, 22:02
Posts: 19509
Hugs: 220571
Mood: Crumbly Crumpet
Location: Buried under the To-Do list
PastelWitch, out of curiosity is it as difficult to accept when they aren't complimenting you directly?

Like, instead of someone looking at you and saying, "I think your singing is wonderful", is it easier if that someone is looking at someone else and saying, "Hey if you like that music you should hear PastelWitch sing!"
Or whatever the applicable compliment is.
Anyhow.

Is it just as hard? Or easier?

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I want to buy or trade for these knuffels:
Earth Gen 18, Light Gen 19, Fire Gen 21, Air/Light/Water Gen 22, Light Gen 23, Earth/Light Gen 25, Darkness Gen 26.
Please PM me if you can help!

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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: Mar 8th, '18, 00:22    


light_sucks

Joined: Jul 17th, '08, 06:15
Posts: 19186
Hugs: 155984
Mood: vaguely alive
I freaking love compliments. I thrive on them. I was very positivity deprived as a child and now I crave attention. Lol.

That being said I used to deflect the compliments when I was younger. Now I just accept them.

I also love giving out compliments. I tell people compliments all the time, even if I don't know them. I figure most people like being complimented.

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They/Them pronouns, please.

Call me Moss.

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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: May 20th, '18, 07:33    


wolfcat87

Joined: Oct 2nd, '09, 21:29
Posts: 218
Hugs: 10551
Mood: Interested
Website: http://www.facebook.com/#!/kyriewise
Location: Great Falls, MT U.S.A.
I think that a lot of people have a hard time with compliments. They are either given too easily, or they make a person feel like they've been given too much attention and are int he spotlight. It might go hand in hand with being an introvert as well. I honestly cannot really say.

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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: Nov 14th, '18, 03:48    


Batcheva

Joined: Jan 25th, '16, 16:54
Posts: 104
Hugs: 5599
I think that perhaps so many of us have a problem accepting compliments because we were taught as children not to be attention seeking, and a compliment is attention. I think we feel like we must have done something to draw undeserved attention or something. That's how I feel at least.

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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: Nov 30th, '18, 11:45    


Inspire

Joined: Nov 3rd, '18, 15:02
Posts: 58
Hugs: 2694
Mood: Adventuring
Hmmmmm... I give compliments out quite randomly and occasionally I have gotten a "shut up" kind of reaction. A lot of the time I've done it though, everyone had the biggest smiles and said thank you a million times, hahaha. There was this one day at a mall where I found something nice to say to almost everyone and a lot of people were SO happy, I even got to tell a couple that their baby was adorable!!! I keep on doing it because I know the effect it can have besides the bad situations and I don't plan to stop, now or ever.

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 Post subject: Re: Compliments
Posted: Dec 10th, '18, 22:30    


Akili Li

Joined: Nov 24th, '15, 22:02
Posts: 19509
Hugs: 220571
Mood: Crumbly Crumpet
Location: Buried under the To-Do list
My mother used to make a game of it. You know that saying, "If you can't find something nice to say, don't say anything at all?"
She used to make a game of having us try and think of the nice things to say.
So we'd go around on walks, each of us kids trying to outdo the other thinking of good things to say about all the random stuff around us. A lot of the time that would end up coming out as compliments to each other or people around us.
As I think back on it, it was good practice. You can spend time being pleased or spend time being disappointed, and this was practice in the art of learning to find things to be pleased about.

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I want to buy or trade for these knuffels:
Earth Gen 18, Light Gen 19, Fire Gen 21, Air/Light/Water Gen 22, Light Gen 23, Earth/Light Gen 25, Darkness Gen 26.
Please PM me if you can help!

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