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Hey you, what do you see?
Something beautiful or something free? 59%  59%  [ 20 ]
Hey, you, are you trying to be mean? 41%  41%  [ 14 ]
Total votes : 34
 Post subject: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Oct 23rd, '18, 21:12    


Moi
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I'm fat. I'm obese. I need to lose weight. My weight has always gone up and down drastically.
A few years ago, I lost about 40 pounds.
Then I gained it all back.
So I'm a fat person.

I tend to call myself fat a lot. Because I am.
My family gets angry and tells me not to put myself down or talk badly about myself.
But I am fat. I'm just speaking fact.

However, I don't call anyone else fat because I know that can be hurtful.
I guess I'm used to insulting myself that if I do talk badly about myself, it's just normal.

I told my sister that when people insult you based on your looks, they're not clever enough to come up with better insults.
I told her if someone calls me fat as an insult - Okay. I'm fat. My eyes are green. My hair is brown. What else you got? Nothing? What a waste of time.

I tend to be blunt about a lot of things.
I have been learning how to stay silent or say things nicely.
I don't like people using honesty as a way to meanly insult others.
You can be honest without being mean.

Do you speak facts a lot?

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '18, 02:16    


Sanssouci
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I'm the same way. I say that I'm not pretty and that I have crooked teeth. Because it's true. I'm not trying to put myself down. It's just the truth, and I see no reason to lie about it. It's not like I picked how I look, and it's not like it reflects who I am in any way. So I see no reason to feel weird about it. But a lot of people are more sensitive when it comes to looks, so I wouldn't say those things about other people.

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '18, 03:26    


Boris_Boris
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Just because you are fat does not mean you are healthy. There are fat people who have muscles, but no one can see them because of the fat over their muscles. They can have just as much stamina and do a bunch of athletic things.

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '18, 12:38    


DragonCryings
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Moi, sure facts are facts, but you should also learn to not be mean to yourself. You can easily avoid hurting other people as you understand what can make them feel insulted. So why are you mean to yourself?

Regarding the fact thing, I have learned that people simply do not care for facts, they only want to listen to what they want to listen. So I have learnt simply to distinguish who wants facts and who wants what they want. If they want facts, it always turns into a nice debate. I never try to drive just a point, am always open to different point of views.
Otherwise, I simply node, say "Ok, that is your point of view" and then politely get the hell out. lol

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '18, 15:43    


luvloveless
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^ What she said ^

People, for the most part, only hear what they want to hear. Whether or not it's true has no bearing on the discussion. I am an aspie so I tend to deal in facts more than most people. I used to get confused when someone would get upset about something I said. I spoke the truth (from my perspective) and it didn't match up with their beliefs so they got angry. Now that I'm older I can kind of see why, but I still really don't get why someone would ignore a fact just because it doesn't jive with their version of reality. People are confusing! :mcshout:

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '18, 21:22    


DragonCryings
luvloveless Wrote:
^ What she said ^
People are confusing! :mcshout:


When have they ever not been? I can even think of cases when I confuse myself sometimes. :qshock:

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Oct 27th, '18, 01:36    


Moi

I'm mean to myself because most of my life, I didn't love myself.
I thought I was worthless garbage, so I didn't take care of myself.


Boris_Boris: You know, I was told that if you do the wrong exercises to loose weight, you'll build muscle and you'll look like you're getting fatter.
I would never have realized that without the internet xD

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Oct 27th, '18, 12:46    


Tinushka
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Naturally I'm inclined to be blunt but I learnt how to stay silent. Because it's not just about being nice to others. I noticed that one of the problems with "speaking fact" about your appearance is that other people feel like you expect them to convince you you're wrong. Also, body fat is considered so disgusting that "just speaking fact" in this context is never seen as just neutral stating of facts. You're either putting yourself down or you're asking for dieting advice.
As a result, a simple statement "I'm fat" turns into unnecessary conversation

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Nov 13th, '18, 21:04    


Batcheva
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I too have learned to simply stay silent rather than start what always turn into arguments. This area of the country simply does not care about reality, simply what they wish were true. *sighs*

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 Post subject: Re: Speaking Facts
Post Posted: Nov 20th, '18, 14:43    


Buttons
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I can be pretty blunt too, though I don't tend to be blunt when it comes to other people's appearance. While I can say something negative/honest about myself, I would never say the same thing about someone else if I thought that it would hurt them. While being blunt/honest isn't a bad thing, I feel like a lot of people use it as an excuse to be unnecessarily mean to other people. In general I like to take the opposite approach, so if I notice something I like about a person I'll tell them, even if they're a complete stranger because I would much rather be honest and help build someone up than be honest and tear someone down. Also when it comes to speaking the truth about yourself, it's important to note that there's also a difference between saying what is true and what you perceive as a truth. So something entirely subjective such as looks (facial features and things you can't really change) if you say something negative about yourself then it's more putting yourself down than speaking the truth, in comparison to saying that you're fat. While you can argue that the ideal weight is subjective as well, fat is a lot easier to quantify than ugliness. I know for a fact that I'm overweight and I don't exercise and I don't watch what I eat, so when I say I'm fat I'm not saying it to attack myself I say it because it's true. I also don't have an issue with my weight, I'm not fishing for compliments from others if I say things like this and I am most certainly not looking for advice on how I could look better, because although I'm fat I personally think that I look good.

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