@Moi: Welcome
*sprinkles confetti rain on Moi*
@Julez: Thanks, I appreciate it although I'm afraid even a bunch of bunnies, cats and rats won't fix this.
I tried explaining what happened, this time without emotion and cursing...
Spoiler
So basically I've made a mistake by not considering my own needs and feelings, instead minding the needs and feelings of my grandma/mother/sister. I made a scene for no reason (I do realize that). Then I decided I need to think about myslef a lot, so I told my mom I don't want to talk about it right now and that I need time to think. But my mother and sister decided I have no right to take those few days in peace to evaluate myself. They want explanations & apologies right now because my sister is leaving today. And that I should consider THEIR feelings. Although all of my life I always mind somebody else instead of myself. So I guess I took those rights away myself. And I let them think I don't have the same rights as they do.
In the face of them taking my rights and not giving me the space I need to actually improve myself, I've decided to move out from granny's and cut most to all contact with my family. It's not fair my sister was gifted years for reconsideration (and she didn't even use it for that) while I'm not even given a day and I actually want to take that time for self improvement.
I've been called a monster yesterday. Just because I have trouble expressing and/or supressing my emotions. I've been called selfish because I'm learning to take my own needs and feelings into consideration. I've been called a hipocryte because I talk about self improvement and I sometimes fail at it. I have the right to fail though, even if they don't think I do. It only shows I was some kind of a figure for them and when I fail their bubble burst.
I wanted to write each of them a "letter" explaining my feelings, opinions and decisions. Not trying to convince them, just stating how I feel. But after yesterday (and a third day of hours-long crying) I've decided against it. There's no point if they're not willing to listen and acknowledge I have human rights.
And now, because Ash and I are going to have to rent something I'm not sure what to do with the ratties. We might have to give them away because it's diablo hard finding a place that accepts pets, let alone rats unless maybe I lie and say all they do is sit in a cage and find some items to guard the apartment from them. Idk yet, I guess we'll see.
But also, I've had a very long and very honest conversation with Ash yesterday, I feel we've reached new levels.
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