Moi-I've often thought we should all have been born blind because we wouldn't have to worry about looks or weight (except for health reasons).

Nothing wrong with that. XD Everyone is drawn to certain features even if they don't actually want to be with anyone.

Oh, I see. Hopefully, she did.











mem-I guess it could just be anxiety though. I think that's most of my problem. I often jump from one project to the next when cleaning house. XD I always finish everything I started though. I eat the food on my plate item by item. Like, I don't take a bite of different things, I eat one and then the next, etc. Is that weird? XD I don't think someone with ADHD could do that. XD

Yay for a clean kitchen! Boo for sudden changes like unexpected guests. XD I'm not a very spontaneous person.

Well, creepypastas aren't whole books

Being hungry atmidnight though? I know there's "midnight snack" for a reason, but I feel like it's unhealthy and I'm retarded for ignoring my hunger for so long until I'm actually going to sleep and suddenly I notice my hunger all of the sudden

Autism is a spectrum, so perhaps there's something to your guys' symptoms. My mom keeps wondering if she has some form of autism and I used to tell her she's ridiculous but now I'm not so sure. She's definitely a HSP like I am but perhaps it goes hand in hand with other stuff? Mental illnesses are very hard to understand and they often overlap, like ADHD/AADD, autism, mood disorders, depression, anxiety, OCD and so on, they often have common symptoms and sometimes you have one or the other or you can have both simultaneously. It's hella confusing. One moment you're taking an online test for AADD and the next moment you're testing yourself for autism, depression and OCD because you might just have them and all the questions somehow mix into one big pile of "this sounds familiar, am I crazy?". I saw somebody comment under a mental health video on Youtube that mental illness is kind of like a supermarket promotion: take 1, get 5 more for free. So hey, you never know, you might have everything at once XD
For example I'm definitely HSP, I've had depression multiple times in my life, I'm 80% sure I have general anxiety and I'm 75% sure I have minor OCD (mostly mental, not much behavioral), perhaps also PTSD and there's 50% chance I have AADD (hadn't found the time to research at all... ). I would need assistance of a very good professional who would help me confirm or disprove these but I'm too afraid of my doctor not believing me or just passing my worries off as nothing or as "just depression" or such. But I desperately need some diagnosis because I feel there's something inherently wrong with me and in order to be able to combat it and start living fully like I'd like to I must treat it somehow and to treat it I must know what's there to treat. and I'm no specialist but if I get brushed off and treated for something I need no treatment for, there's no point in such a treatment. Right? I hope you get me. I confuse myself a lot -.-
I'm either too ambitious or I'm just unable to plan things out and refer it to a timeframe because time is a foreign concept to me... Which would speak for ADHD XD But also, we've had guests over for 8 hours straight
It was a super fun night (and I was kind of hyper, lol), but I was so tired by other human beings for so long that I slept really long today XD

@Ray: I finish my stuff only because I come back around to that thing I left unfinished (like that second laundry I forgot to hang up and only did that after a few hours of completely forgetting about it for the third of fourth time, thank dog for Ash who actually opened the washing machine, lol). I finish my work but I'm more likely to be lazy all day doing nothing or doing barely anything and then realizing I only have an hour of work left and feel super ashamed and embarrassed that I can't even keep myself in check for an important task that is making money at work... :') In other words, I wait till last minute when I have to do something off my interest list and it's painful to do it and push it to the end. On the other hand I had no problem staying up all day and night for several days straight translating a long-ass document for work a few years ago because I like translating things, I like languages and I genuinely liked my boss so I wanted to help him, especially he was really nice to me since the beginning till the end. It was painful to translate that shit because it was a legal document, not a passionate fantasy book full of romance and adventure that I would've prefered, but I finished the damned thing with focusing real hard on that one job of translating, not eating, drinking or sleeping much. It was pretty crazy.
I still don't know if I'm 100% sure I have AADD but it's something that has potential of explaining me to myself. You know? I want to do research but I'm afraid I might never get to it because it sounds like so much work and a lot of time while I could do other things with great potential (it leads to actually doing nothing because- aand I've lost interest in finishing this post, seriously XD I feel many times it's social norms that keep me going (you can't just stop typing your post, that's rude, you're being childish, at least finish the sentence, you can finish it later but finish it dog dammit, be a grownup). It's these coping mechanisms that mask the mental illness/disorder. You seem fine outside, you're doing things (finishing your post three hours later - happens too often to me, I get side-tracked/distracted with another activity that's new/more engaging, like googling stuff while writing and going on a Wikipedia spiral on a completely different subject than you originally googled), you're coping, but nobody knows what enormous effort it costs to actually do it (yeah, you finished the project, but your boss/teacher has no idea you did it last minute under huge stress).

I've been hearing noises of electronic devices but I'm not sure if I'm the only one hearing them or what. Ash keeps telling me I have super sensitive hearing so I don't always bother asking him whether he hears something that I do. But I remember since childhood I'd be annoyed with the hum of the refridgerator or the PC or such. And I've always had that ringing, it's always there and in silence it would often drive me nuts. It could be just me being HSP or it could be ADHD or autism or anything.
I hate loud noises. I immediately get either very irritated or very anxious depending on what's the noise. Nevermind the sudden loud noises, they scare the crap out of me and I would bounce off the walls from fear if I could physically do that. Instead I just curse a lot While other people simply notice the sudden noise and go on with their lives, I need a long moment to calm down and regain my composure... But I think for me it might be PTSD and being in my head too much, so most things are surprising to me. I can get scared by Ash simply walking up to me whilst I was making up scenarios of *insert literally any topic*.
I never stop making things up, I'm beginning to think people don't do that as often though? Even when I fall asleep, I'm making up a story in my head. Once I start losing my train of thought, I know I'm falling asleep. Do you guys do it too? Is it normal? I don't know. I'm questioning my whole existence lately
I keep on discovering things I do (and always have) that I thought was normal behavior and everybody does it and it turns out to be pretty peculiar and coincidental with some mental issue. Other times I discover things I thought were strange to be doing and I'm just quirky but they are explained by that same mental issue. And I'm like.... wait, do I have that shit or what? Not too long ago I found a mental thing (not yet classified as a disorder) called maladaptive daydreaming and I happen to check many of its symptoms (if not all, I didn't dig into it too much because I got scared, lol). So by now I feel like I could have everything I come across in the mental health world orI could have nothing and I'm just obsessing and finding everything in myself just because. But that would already be something. Obsessing like that isn't exactly healthy, I don't think XD What if it's mania? What is mania anyways? I'm too scared to check right now. Wtf is wrong with me, I want to know

@Moi: I don't think my list is going well at all. Considering I had 4 full days to do all the stuff and I covered about a third, also omitting the most important points completely XD So yeah, I'll have to just try and do these things after work and then during my 3-days weekends. Although I'm again doubting my capacity because I haven't even done them during 4 days off so how am I ever gonna...? ugh

We played a complex but easy board game with our guests. But it was their first time playing it, so it took extra long to first settle in and talk a bit, then set up the game, explain the rules, then the game involved thinking, strategy etc. so it took a couple more hours than it normally would with more experienced players. So the whole visit summed up to about 7-8 hours although it didn't feel that way, because I genuinely had a lot of fun. Only noticed I was tired after they left XD

jacobgrey wrote:I have argued myself into a circle XD

Me in every post on considering every possible mental illness I might potentially have because of that one thing I noticed about myself and realizing I don't even have the full image of myself right because I'm biased and there's literally no way to tell whether I have something or not, might even be hard to determine by a mental health specialist, especially I have memory gaps and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

mem-It's so hard to know with mental illness. I think it's hard enough for a doctor to make a diagnosis. Some are easy, like OCD, but other disorders could be a number of different things or even a combination of disorders. *sighs* I've had to deal with mental illness in family, my son, and ex-husband way too much. I finally stopped trying to label them because I don't think it helps all that much. Most of them never had much luck with medication either.












moi-I get so sick of the photoshopping. My mom gets this one magazine that airbrushes the heck out of the person on the cover. Last time it was a 75 year old woman and they made her look 35. O.O XD Not gonna happen for real.

Moi wrote:

jacobgrey: With me, certain noises fill me with rage. A big one is someone snapping their fingers. It instantly puts me in rage mode.
My mom was doing it the other day and I told her to stop because clearly it was distressing me.
She started doing it even more just to piss me off.
So that's the type of shit I have to live with.
Asking someone to stop distressing me, and having them do it even more because it's FUNNY.

What are your Fibromyalgia symptoms? I've started thinking I may have that too.
I have a lot of the symptoms, but people say it can vary from person to person.

This, haha... it can be completely different from person to person. And there are things you won't find on any official list anywhere, yet when I speak to other people who have it we all seem to have that in common. But, just for the sake of examples, these are my most common symptoms:

Fatigue, especially linked to having trouble sleeping and also having trouble waking up; days when my energy "well" just isn't there, like I would reach for it to get myself moving and I just can't find anything; pain in my joints, generally all the time, esp. wrists and knees; weakness in my muscles; constant headaches; a tendency to get lockjaw, although fingers crossed, it hasn't come back for a while since I had some dental work done that made my teeth fit together better; pain while eating really chewy or crunchy foods, like popcorn for example, in the jaw muscles; severe pain when I get cold; getting colder or hotter quicker and more intensely than other people around; finding it really hard to warm back up when cold; difficulty thinking or moving when too hot; brain fog; memory issues, esp. short term memory; concentration issues; pain worse in the mornings throughout my body, waking up feeling like i've literally been hit by a car; heavy and painful periods; allodynia (being overly sensitive to sensations - like if someone tapped me lightly it would feel like being punched); hyperalgesia (hurting myself hurts *more* than it does other people, like if J and I both stubbed our toes at the same time mine would be more intense and hurt longer); general sensitivity - like eg if I feel a vibration from something when I'm in a flare up, it will be so intense that it's painful and it goes through my whole body, and I'll feel it for a long time afterwards; sensitivity to noises, one of which is having a wide hearing range and not being able to distinguish different tones, so if I hear a load of noise in the background for example I'll find it hard to understand what someone right in front of me is saying; stiffness if I stay still for any period of time; restless leg syndrome, and also related: lots of twitchiness in my arms and legs triggered by touch; clumsiness; sometimes dizziness; and I guesssss that's roughly all? I probably forgot some stuff (see: memory problems lololol)

Oh, and these can go up and down in terms of intensity. In a flare up everything is bad. In "normal" or okay days I might not get some of the symptoms at all.

@Ray: Yeah, I know, it sucks ;/ Luckily I'm not trying to diagnose myself, I know I'm not qualified and that no amount of online tests and quizzes can tell me for sure. For now I'm just considering things and wondering, researching here and there about this and that. Searching for answers, I guess. I feel there's something "wrong" with me and I wish to know what it is, so I can learn to work around it better, or properly, if you will. I'll discuss my thoughts with my therapist tomorrow, hopefully.
I'm sorry you've had to deal with some ugly mental illness stuff I think for me the label matters only because I want to finally understand what my issues might come from (other than my upbringing, lol) and to not feel so alone with them, that other people who have been diagnosed with the same stuff go through similar issues. If I could know for sure I'm not "just lazy" or "just afraid of failure for fuck knows what traumatic reason that I can't recall", that there's something in my brain that's wired differently, I'd feel so much better about myself.