My employer is organizing to offer the vaccine to all the employees. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I mean, it's great. I just don't know if it's necessary if I can sign up on my own anyways xD Idk.

I'm kind of depressed again because one of my rats is sick and I'm worried. They gave her very slim chances. She grew this huge tumor basically overnight and at first I thought it was gas because her wholebelly was swollen, but when things I was giving her to pass it didn't help I took her to the vet and they said it's definitely a tumor but they can't remove it through surgery since it's too big and probably grew into her organs. They suggested it would be best to euthanize her or they can give her steroids in hopes it makes the tumor smaller but it's not even a given that it'll help at all. And if it does help the tumor will never really go away and she'll have to take meds till the end of her life.
But I couldn't go through with the same scenario for the third time. Going to the vet thinking the rat will be okay after medical help and then they suddenly tell me there's no hope and I'm totally not mentally prepared to just suddenly lose my poor baby; I went through that with Tila, then with Cotton, I'm not taking that shit with Dash, she's gonna stay with me dog dammit
So far she was given the steroids on Monday, we've been giving her the prescribed painkiller and something for smoother bowel movement (since the tumor was pushing on her intestines causing constipation), so far her belly isn't as swollen, so it seems the steroid helped but I''m worried anyways. I'll be taking her to the vet tomorrow. I really hope she'll make it, guys please pray for her, I'm not ready to lose her

@Moi: I would look into it too if not for the fact that I can register on May 9 and my company will share more info (who knows if there willbe any decision by then) mid-May so... I prefer to register earlier. Unless I'll be a lazy bitch, Idk. It might happen because I'm full on depressed again

I can't really get another opinion since there are no other rodent specialists nearby (I checked like a thousand times, and another issue is the finances, medical care for rodents is expensive as hell) and my vet has great references + I've had all my ratties registered there, so I kind of trust their expertise.
It just seems very soon for another death. Seems like not that long ago I had to bid farewell to Cotton on January 2020 and now I'm about to lose another one. That's too soon, you know?

@jacob: *hugs, cries and snots all over your shirt* Thanks. And sorry for snotting over your cybernetic shirt I do that to Ash a lot these days. Except irl.
Anyways, I'll let you guys know how it went tomorrow.

I know what you mean, unexpected deaths are so difficult. It was the same for me with many of my pets and I'm tired of it. Makes me wonder if I do something wrong. I know I've made mistakes when I was younger but right now I feel I'm doing my best, and there's still something wrong and they keep getting ill and it all makes me not want any more pets after Dot and Dash pass away.


The vet appointment went pretty well. There was no euthanasia Dash's swelling mostly disappeared although the tumor didn't grow smaller either. But she's energetic, eating, drinking, peeing normally (pooping with some difficulty, I'll have to observe more to be sure) so she seems to be doing great given the circumstances. The doctor gave me another steroid for her (last one was a shot, this one's a pill to give her twice a day, Dash is gonna hate me, lol) and prescribed some other medication to try and reduce the tumor although it's more for another type of tumor but she said it's worth a shot.
We'll see from there. I'm supposed to go in for a consultation in about 2-3 weeks, depending on when I go out of the meds.
You know, it's not the best, but at least I didn't give up on her and hopefully she'll stay a little longer, even if she gets fussy with meds (and she's SO fussy, omg, I don't even ). I see a tiny light of hope. But I'm not fully optimistic either. I'm trying to be realistic. I might spiral into one or the other though. I'm afraid of my own mind lately.
Oof, good thing I'm on vacation for the next 2 weeks, so I'll only stress about my baby and nothing else This whole thing made me stop thinking obsessively about pregnancy. I prefer to focus on the babies I have right now, even if they're not human.

True, stuff happens. I always have this voice in my head that it's my fault anyways.
I suppose I'll be anti-pets for a while after Dot and Dash and perhaps later on I'll want another pet. I remember it was hard to think about any other pet after Tila died and I think I waited about a year before getting Cotton and Candy. Even after that horrible accident with Candy we both didn't want more rats and we tried to find a home for Cotton but then I caved, since it was taking too long for my taste and she seemed really depressed about being alone. I guess we'll see. Maybe by the time Dot and Dash aren't around anymore I'll warm up to the idea of other pets. Something with a long lifespan would be nice. Rats die at the ripe age of 2-3 years and it seems they're so young (and they have such youthful nature on top of that) but a 2 yo is an old rat already. Well, maybe mature is a better word? Idk.

I have this fear in the back of my head that it's only a temporary thing and when I wake up I expect to find her dead or at least visibly suffering. It's not fun ;/ But she's been good with her meds earlier today so I'll hold onto that thought.
I had to google pill pockets because I'd never heard that term before XD Never seen it either, so I'm not sure if the regular dog/cat size is even available in Poland (probably yes, I just never came accross it). I don't think they make ones for rodents, that'd be awfully tiny It's easier to crush the pills and mix them with some yoghurt or something like that. Although Dash is so stubborn and I don't think a pill pocket would help. E.g. I give her yoghurt without meds just to see if she's in the mood for that, her reaction: Can I eat it with your finger? But yoghurt with meds mere seconds later: No, thanks mom, I'd rather DIE Apparently her nose sniffs the difference. It's hard to mix things just enough so it wouldn't smell/taste funny and be too much for her to eat. She's a petite little ratty and has a temperament with food unlike Dot, who's like I don't care if there's steroids in that yoghurt, GIMME!
Thanks for keeping us in your prayers