i'm so sick of seeing your face everywhere

I understand that you are trying to help, but trust me, you're not. You just make me feel worse and worse until I watch a news item on an actress who committed suicide and I think, "Damn, that lucky bitch!!"

I'm pathetic. Im reaching my breaking point.



edit: I wish I never came back on kofk. I wish I never learned to love again. i wish I was prettier and I wish someone loved me like that. Im trash and Im not worth anything to anyone.

Dear _______

People like you aren't special, aren't particularly good at anything, and can't hope for more than survival in this world. You're so desperate to be important, to achieve something big. But you're such a failure that you're not even able to survive without fucking up because you're fucked in the brain. You WOULDN'T be a failure if only you didn't BELIEVE you were and in your bitterness constantly try to put others down as much as possible.

I wouldn't care how you lived, if you didn't harm other people. That's what you have to stop. You're not going to get punished for it. Which bothers me terribly. I at least want to let you know that I hate you. I want to tell you these things. I don't care if you're fucked up, but I can't stand it when you're jacking off all your fuckery on other people, bullying and torturing; it's sadistic. My parents want me to just let it go and leave you be. But if I did that, I'd be doing wrong.

I wish I could run into you sometime, when my parents aren't around, so I can really give it to you. After all this time of swallowing your fuckery with meek politeness, I just have to. Please fate.

I do not know how long I can deal in this fucking house anymore. Is it bad that I cannot wait for my parents divorce. The faster She gets out the better it will be.

I'm starting to think I lost you years ago and I never knew. I can't ask anyone. It's not something to ask anyone. How do you ask that question? I don't want to lose more people.

Dear popular clique of homeschoolers at every coop ever:
Just because your mom is maybe the head of a coop, or secretary, or an important teacher, or you were born in one of the classrooms, doesn't mean you're cool. It doesn't mean you're nice.
It's kind of sad: you're basing your coolness on your mom. And most of you can barely tolerate them. Think about it, it's ironic.

To the popular homeschooler I finally talked to today:
I thought all of you were bad, but despite all the makeup and clothes that seemed too trendy to sweat in, you were actually a lot sweeter and nicer than I thought. I always disliked you for some reason, maybe because I thought you were stuckup. But you're actually not, are you? You're just two grades ahead. You have a different plan in life. And we never had the chance to talk anyway, we were never in the same class. I never should have misjudged you like that. I'm sorry.
I just thought of this now, though, sitting back at home. If I see you again, I'll try to be kinder back to you. You made me feel happy today even though I was afraid to talk to you. Goes to show, I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Glad you changed my mind. ^^