He doesn't look like a famous British actor, though. He looks like something that got dropped out of a novelty pudding mold and shoved back in again. Why not start out with a casserole dish?

A good number of people who were tiny when we started teaching are still in now. They're pretty good. I like them.

So Illinois is firmly against the human fossil trade? Oh, no, I see you said *not* fix potholes. Never mind. They're all over it.

Do that, then. I started even though I won't have all of my documents until 15 February.

Physical contact is a pretty low expectation for a soulmate AU. There's not much angst potential. Can't you think of something more dramatic?

I do not think there is any chain of events that could result in a casserole-dish pudding becoming Benedict Cumberbatch. The novelty pudding mold is key. If you want me to admit that I'm wrong here, you would have to prove it through cooking. The proof is, as they say, in the pudding.

I suppose. But do you think any of them are going to stay on as volunteering-types?

Illinois gets all of its not-fix-pothole money from human fossils. They grow rich on our bodies. We fear Illinois.

Then why start...? Taxes don't take that long.

Do you have a better idea? Most typical soulmate AUs have no duration component; they're just things that happen when you meet them. I can't think of any that have an ending condition, except for kissing, and that would be physically unfeasible for two soles.
There's not much angst planned for this story. It's mostly going to be a fish comedy.

I've finally put together my committee. It's 50% men named John and 50% women with hyphenated last names.

I'm not making a Benedict Cumberbatch-shaped pudding for you. There will be no proof pudding. I don't care who is wrong.

We've captured Kyle and Rachel pretty well. Abigail is in serious danger as well.

Are there any living paleontologists left in Illinois? They have a lot of colleges, I know.

I was hoping I could lock in my free deal on TurboTax if I started early. I worry about secret fees.

It's not a soulmate AU without angst. You're not hitting the genre right without it. I recall there is occasionally a requirement that they stop resisting being soulmates. Because that's totally a thing you do when you inhabit a soulmate AU. Makes sense.

... I'm trying to come up with scenarios in which all of your committee members are both men named John and women with hyphenated last names, 50% of the time.

But if, theoretically, you felt like making another pudding, why wouldn't you try to make it Benedict Cumberbatch-shaped?

That's barely replacement level, though. You might still recruit more, but my recruiting days are pretty much over.

No. They've been wiped out. That well has run dry and none of the rest of us dare cross those borders.

Does the free offer only count when you start doing taxes? I assumed it was applied when you finished.

Oh. No. I was completely wrong about what my solemate AU needed to be. It needs to be a Free! fanfiction. There will be no women in it at all. This is destiny speaking.
I think it will have to be a little bit angsty now, too. There are too many intersecting ships there for someone to not be made sad by the discovery of a soulmate pair. Now I just have to decide which pair I'm working with.

If you come up with anything, tell me. Until them I'm stuck with the very boring situation of two people who are always John and two people who are always hyphenated-last-name-havers. So mundane.

I don't like that shape. Why would I want to recreate it?

It's not my fault you're not carrying your weight. I'm claiming all of the successes, then.

I am now extremely confused how you drive from MN to OH. There are some borders that are crossed by necessity.

I don't know. I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst, because it's TurboTax.

Good job on the women requirement 180. You certainly found the right well for angst. I think that fandom is almost entirely angst. Isn't there one ship you prefer?

Your committee is made up entirely of gender-fluid people who spend half of their time as men and half as women. They all go by John (at least as men) and have hyphenated last names. Alternatively, they are all men named John or women with hyphenated names, who are also transvestites with complicated or very boring stage names, respectively. Do both of those scenarios work?

To prove it is possible. To prove all the haters wrong, and force them to admit that you alone understand the ways of life and death, and that they were wrong to laugh you out of medical school for your weird belief in alchemy.

Some of them are at least partially mine. The small tiny people I first had at D camp? At least 20% mine. Assuming they pan out.

I leave my body during the Illinois part of the trip. It's just an empty husk cruising the highway, and that doesn't ping the government's paleontologist sensors. I count as a cryptid for the duration of my stay in the state.

When does the free offer end? Do you know?

Abolish all women! Indeed.
The fandom isn't entirely angst, I think. There's also fluff.
Yes, there are ships I prefer, but I ship most things in that fandom. And some of the ships seem more soulmate-compatible than others. Usually I ship MakoHaru, for example, but they don't really seem like the pairing for a soulmate fic, you know? Since their being inseparable childhood friends is so central to their relationship.

Ah. Excellent. I will have to convince my committee members to switch to one of these lifestyles. Actually, I don't know for sure that my committee members don't live double lives as drag kings and queens. This might already be happening.

Not even the other alchemists take the Pudding School alchemists seriously.

Nope. You left. You gave up. They are mine now.

Aren't you worried you'll be captured by wackos hunting cryptids?

They never say. That's part of the problem.

Fluff is best when it follows heavy angst. That's what I have learned from fanfic.
Again, you need to remember that soulmate AUs run on angst. Pick the angstiest ship. If you don't have enough angst, additional angst will be provided for you. Angst is starting to resemble a meaningless German word. I need to stop typing angst.

You could probably find out fairly easily by checking out the local drag clubs. Plus, you would get to watch drag shows. Downside, people.

Puddings can have blood and bone dust in them. That sounds distinctly alchemical. I don't see how it's any less respectable than any other kind of alchemy.

Moving to Ohio counts as giving up? Seems legit.

Wackos hunting cryptids never actually catch anything, except for the occasional shark or dog carcass. And lots of bear poop. I'm not worried about it.

Do taxes work similarly across states? I'm reasonably sure I don't have to pay MN taxes because I didn't earn any money there this year, but I'm scared to attempt OH taxes.

I changed my mind again. It's a Dirk Gently fanfic now. The number of women has gone up slightly. Although at this point it might end up staying an outline forever if I keep changing my mind about things.
I don't know why you think soulmate AUs have to be so angsty. I've seen plenty that look like total meaningless fluff, and I've even read a few of them. They're boring, but not angsty. Person A meets Person B, they immediately realize they're soulmates, blush blush, story ends. I think the angsty soulmate AU is a sub-sub-genre.

I think drag shows are one of those types of entertainment where audience participation is a thing. I can't risk being called on to participate. Also, I think people socialize in drag clubs, and that's a hard no from me.

Making Benedict Cumberbatch's face makes it less respectable than other types of alchemy. That is all.

You aren't required to quit PC when you move to Ohio. That's a choice, which is very similar to giving up. You know Life Membership is cheaper before you turn 25? $300 vs. $1000. I am a Life Member now, so they will stop charging me for corporate membership every year I'm a volunteer.

I suppose being hunted by wackos would be the safest for a real cryptid. What do they do with the sharks?

TurboTax or similar services will do everything for you. It's not scary, it's just irritating. Do you want emotional support?

Who turn into fish? You should just start writing it before you can be tempted to outline anymore. Is there anything I can do to motivate you?
Maybe I only read the angsty ones because the others are pointless trash. Did you think of that? Did you? Or perhaps I usually see them while cruising the Slow Burn tag, and it's very unlikely to be a Slow Burn if they immediately resolve their soulmate issues.

Sit in the back and wear a heavy coat. Maybe a hat. And a beard. Dress up like a Soviet in winter. No one will ask you to participate or try to talk to you. Plus, it counts as drag, so you'll fit in.

That's a bit of a shame for all the legitimate pudding-alchemists, isn't it? Doomed by association.

Wait, they make you pay... to... volunteer? Has anyone ever told them that this is not conducive to getting volunteers?
I might be more keen on continuing to do PC things if I knew any PC people in the area. Most of my interest in MN PC was in continuing to help people I knew.

The sharks are usually dead by the time a wacko finds them and thinks they're a cryptid. Usually. It's the decay pattern of shark carcasses that supposedly makes them look like plesiosaurs. The live sharks get put back, I think. Or at least I hope.

I might need emotional support later. I'll let you know. Have you done your taxes yet, or are you still waiting on that one thing?

Dirk and Todd, I think. They seem the most conducive to soulmate situations, and it neatly sidesteps having to write people who are kind of hard to write. It leaves Amanda and Farah doing most of the actual legwork.
I would be very motivated if you let me read something of yours when I finish this. No promises that you would get to read MY finished product, but it would help ensure that it gets written at all.
We've already established that most soulmate AUs are pointless trash. Even the ones you read, because they typically require the worldbuilding to fall apart under the slightest scrutiny. I don't think that any soulmate AU can properly be called a slow burn. It might be slow, but there ain't no burn.

That would make me a prime target for calling out! Some drag queens thrive on roasting audience members, you know. What if my committee members turn out to be insult-comedy drag queens?