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I'm sorry.  53%  [ 41 ]
I love this song xD  47%  [ 36 ]
Total votes : 77
 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 1st, '19, 21:48    
Moi

Moi

Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 21:48
Posts: 54000
Hugs: 516579
Mood: Know you're not alone.
Website: http://seppukuaddict.deviantart.com/
Location: \8u/

I dropped out of school when I was about 17, I know that because in order for me to try to get my GED - I needed my school to say I had dropped out and they acted like they didn't want to do that. Which I found shitty.

Since then, I've been a shut-in. Soooo that's...14 years.
I've been this way for 14 years, and I don't think I'm going to change xD
I love being at home. I love being in my room. I don't like getting out.
And people tell me "You HAVE to go out! You HAVE to make friends! You HAVE to be around people!"

It's easy for my parents to talk to people. It's hard for me. If I even meet someone's gaze for a second - it freaks me out.
When I have to do certain interactions, I don't know how to react.

Like when I was getting something from a vending machine and it got stuck.
This older woman gave me some money to buy something else to try and knock what I bought down. Well, it didn't work, but I got candy with the money the lady gave me.
I started panicking because I didn't know if I give her the candy or keep it.
It was like "OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO!? SOMEONE HELP ME! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO -CRIES-"
I thought I should give it to her, but my family told me to keep it.
Then I started to eat it, and just assumed the older lady and the people she was with were thinking I was selfish and should be ashamed of myself for keeping the candy when I didn't buy it.
So I sat there, completely uncomfortable and no one else was.

Or when this older lady was behind us in the check-out line and she said she was putting her stuff down and she'd be right back because she forgot something.
Well, while she was gone, these other people came up and took her place.
And she came back right after that and I felt so bad because we were supposed to save her spot? Is that what she wanted? I told my mom and she said "No, she just said she'd be back. Don't worry about it." But I felt like shit for a while xD

(0) (0)
Image

"I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears."
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 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 2nd, '19, 11:20    
Tiffbue

Tiffbue

Joined: Nov 17th, '19, 11:20
Posts: 255
Hugs: 8410

You have hugged Tiffbue!


Mood: puzzled
Location: fourth dimension
The shadow of matters, with crosses and some whisper sounds...
Let me the plague pixie color it up with some lively reds :mcsquee: ~

Oh hey I found more people that over caring others that not even a scratch in their life～

and.. icey I think your egg is in danger...?(sorry I couldn’t tell you a bit earlier.

(0) (0)
it/its
____Fight for the Plague!!!Image

the knuffel wish list of mine.
Image_________Image________Image
Image
and hey, check out lcey's hangout~
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 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 2nd, '19, 22:27    
IceyVampir

IceyVampir

Joined: Nov 14th, '18, 03:00
Posts: 265
Hugs: 8263
Mood: Working on Commissions
Location: Chicago, IL
[Moi]
Believe me I understand
I too dropped out at 17 and got my GED
I went straight to college and even went
to a private college because of the smaller classes sizes
I tried so badly to avoid everyone like the plague
but dammit people seem drawn to me lol
I have this desire to make people happy
because I have issues attaining my own happiness
Its really hard to do when you don't like socializing lol
Like even now I really like talking to you and all
but it get's draining lol I'll read a message
and respond later when I have the energy
Part of what has saved me in some awkward situations
is my Chicago attitude of not giving a eff
about people who I don't know and what they think about me
it doesn't always work but I've gotten better
Medication helps also lol
and OMG Don't become a parent!
I was so thrown off when people would approach me
asking me when I was due and how old is my child
Like damn people back up I'm just trying to live life
It's to the point where I'm walking down the street listening to music
and pushing my baby's stroller and I get stopped by randos of all ages
even Children! saying how pretty my baby is and asking how old
asking if it's my first and even trying to give me advice
Like dude..... I just want to get this kid
to her appointment can you chill? xD
I realize I can't raise my child as a recluse like me
so I am forcing myself to go out of my comfort zone
She can choose to be a recluse if she wants xD

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 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 3rd, '19, 03:35    
Moi

Moi

Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 21:48
Posts: 54000
Hugs: 516579
Mood: Know you're not alone.
Website: http://seppukuaddict.deviantart.com/
Location: \8u/

It's the same for me. I love talking to people online, but sometimes I can't bring myself to respond.
And I hate it because I worry people will think I just don't care about them or what they say.
Sometimes, if it's a long message, I will wait until I can read all of it and take it all in and respond.
But sometimes it takes weeks xD

I go between caring and not caring what people think. My agoraphobia is based on me being uncomfortable and being put into situations, so I would think what people think of me really matters, but then I'll say something and my mom will be like "Shh! Those people will hear you!" and I said "I don't give a fuck >8u"
They can fuck off and mind their own fucking business xD

Oh, yeah, I never plan to have kids. As I see it - being a parent is a lifelong, serious commitment. I can barely take care of myself - I can't raise a kid.
People have told me I'd make a great parents because I'm a good and smart person, but I could never do it xD
I can't handle bringing a child into this life to suffer from mental illness that runs in my family and to see them have to hurt and struggle. I'd want them to be happy and successful and living a good life. And I don't think I could give them what they deserve xD
I do have a little sister about 18 years younger than me and I help raise her.
I find myself scolding her and praising her and teaching her things just like a mom would do.
But I'd push her around in the basket at stores and people would stop me and talk to me about her and I'm like "Uh-huh, uh-huh, thank you! God, I want to die stop talking to me please 8]"
I remember we were at a hospice because our grandpa was dying and this little elderly woman came up and told me my sister was so pretty and she loved her curly hair.
I was just smiled and thanked her and tried to get away.
I felt so bad because I have a soft spot for the elderly and she was dying and probably died not much later.

My family said more or less it's my fault my sister has depression and why she likes to stay home and I should be positive instead of negative.
I'm not stupid. And I'm not going to force myself to be someone I'm not.
I tell her all kinds of encouraging things.
Last thing I want is her to be like me.



(0) (0)
Image

"I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears."
    Top
 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 4th, '19, 17:15    
Tiffbue

Tiffbue

Joined: Nov 17th, '19, 11:20
Posts: 255
Hugs: 8410
Mood: puzzled
Location: fourth dimension
sounds like hopeless to find normal real life socialing humans here.
if do they will be having socialing problems, cuz they have no care left to give you.XD

my mum's friend, heard she once on a public toilet, and look the long one, then when she came out, people are waiting outside, which they didn't when she got in,
and she feels people are judging her for taking so long and she feels really awkward and not right and talks about it →_→ like there's whoever one looking at her...

school...
that was dumb, trying to stick with the girls but i like can't even talk, and they aren't giving me news, and don't know what they're talking about.
and then school changed, the new females gone by me, i can see that, they're just looking for fun, want me to fellow their moves, i asked them why, saying that they saw me lonely. like come on, i need no any of you :qsweat:
i was looking for peolpe to group, cuz this is what needed, like surviving. surprising for people in my place, i found out I'm more good at being with guys.
and it's really more comfy. maybe it's just the girls I've meant having problems.
and i can only handle one person at one time. and if more person besides him, i hardy give it any care.
idk am i same with you gals, i lefted school early too.
after that i never have contact that more than ont day with any people real-life except those same few persons with the same blood in the same house.
feel out that i can help with myself on real life society, just make sure we're using the same language etc. XD.

im sure that getting onto collage in my place is not the same as yours.

sigh, we all are just passing some normal lifes haha...

(0) (0)
it/its
____Fight for the Plague!!!Image

the knuffel wish list of mine.
Image_________Image________Image
Image
and hey, check out lcey's hangout~
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 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 4th, '19, 17:46    
Tiffbue

Tiffbue

Joined: Nov 17th, '19, 11:20
Posts: 255
Hugs: 8410
Mood: puzzled
Location: fourth dimension
oh wow moi...
those stars under you feel league XD

(0) (0)
it/its
____Fight for the Plague!!!Image

the knuffel wish list of mine.
Image_________Image________Image
Image
and hey, check out lcey's hangout~
    Top
 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 4th, '19, 21:30    
IceyVampir

IceyVampir

Joined: Nov 14th, '18, 03:00
Posts: 265
Hugs: 8263
Mood: Working on Commissions
Location: Chicago, IL
Its wrong for your parents to blame you for your sister's depression
your mental illnesses have nothing to do with her
It's admirable that you try to encourage her to do things in her life
I never really had that growing up
you can't simply trigger depression in a person just
by being depressed yourself
the only way that may happen is between parents and children

I see your reasoning for not having kids
I felt a similar way but I really wanted children to love
I really wanted to be a mom
I reminded myself that no one is perfect and that as long as I do my best
my child would be loved and cared for
It was an extremely selfish decision on my part
Right when I thought I had everything in place for my daughter
my husband and I ended up losing our place so now
my child lives in a cramped space with my mom
until I'm able to get back on my feet
I feel so guilty all the time
tho I am sure once I have my own space again
I can do things to make my daughter happy
and give her the room to grow that she deserves

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~ ❤ Hangout |Sketchbook | Material Shop ❤ ~
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 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 4th, '19, 22:09    
Moi

Moi

Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 21:48
Posts: 54000
Hugs: 516579
Mood: Know you're not alone.
Website: http://seppukuaddict.deviantart.com/
Location: \8u/

Tiffbue: I think the stars are lime-flavored too u8 -eats one-

Oh, yeah, I don't like using public toilets. I have been in a few that were really pretty and I didn't want to go out of them. xD;

I just had three friends I hung out with all through school. The thing was we were all artists, so I guess that's one reason why we got along. I remember they were away one day and I was eating lunch alone - and I was okay with it. These girls from another class asked me if I wanted to join them and I said no.
I kind of feel bad because I didn't want them to think I didn't like them - I don't mind eating alone xD;

My mom told me she always enjoyed being around guys instead of girls.
With me, the only guy friend I had turned out to be gay, so he wasn't really like the other boys.

IceyVampir: I know. And I know why they said it - because they don't know what they're talking about >xD
But, when I was a kid - I didn't know what mental illness was. No one mentioned it.
So I'm happy my sister knows she has it and is trying to work with it.
I had to wait until I had a breakdown xD

And I understand your logic with having kiddos 8]
You never know - your kid might be the one to flip this world and make it better u8
You know, as long as you love your daughter and do what you can to make her happy - I think that makes you a good mom.
My parents were into bad things and we ended up living in crappy motels a lot but they always took care of me.
They apologize to me a lot and don't understand why I'm not angry at them or hate them - because they did their best and they loved me.
I never wanted anyone else to be my parents.

No one's perfect. There's no perfect mom or dad. Everyone makes mistakes and do things they regret - but trying to do better counts. And if you can't get your kids all this new, expensive crap other parents get their kids - it doesn't matter. As long as you shower them in love and food and clothes you're doing what's right.



(0) (0)
Image

"I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears."
    Top
 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 5th, '19, 17:17    
Tiffbue

Tiffbue

Joined: Nov 17th, '19, 11:20
Posts: 255
Hugs: 8410
Mood: puzzled
Location: fourth dimension
:qshock: oh what did you just ate!!!
a year of your life!!!

actually how to say a person is an artist. cuz i know no exam or something like that to get the name of artist, perhaps it only have to at lest learned some class about art.
but if that's it the name artist will be too wide range...
yeah the boy and i do arts too^^ and i was having a good time aside with him. on drawing im more talented then him, but he put alot in to drawing that i can't even chase. he have a whole book full of his drawing which got me :qno: .

oh i thought gays are more fewer than thatX'D!! and he seems like a girly type one!?

you remember how your brain works when you're as your kid's age?
it's tells a lot.
and planning things of life like this is hella deady hard.
include planning for the worst possible.
other than making only happiness for her... :qsweat: follow the story of giving a man a fish
-w-!!
so finally, my parents are better.
XD.

as will or will not be a parent for me, im sure no one will understand and not worth to tell... sigh. :qd:



(0) (0)
it/its
____Fight for the Plague!!!Image

the knuffel wish list of mine.
Image_________Image________Image
Image
and hey, check out lcey's hangout~
    Top
 Post subject: Re: • • D a r k † S o c i e t y • • (Everyone is Welcome!)
Posted: Dec 5th, '19, 22:03    
Moi

Moi

Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 21:48
Posts: 54000
Hugs: 516579
Mood: Know you're not alone.
Website: http://seppukuaddict.deviantart.com/
Location: \8u/

Worth it. 8U

I consider myself an artist, but have never been to an art class. I learned by watching others, studying art and experimenting 8u

I wouldn't really say he was 'girly' he just drew, sang, plated piano, and didn't play sports. No other boys in my class really did those things.
He also loved to bake and was good at it u8

It's hard to forget some things from when I was a kid.

You mean the saying about teaching a man to fish is better than giving him a fish 8u?
I like to go by that too. I don't want people fixing things for me - I want them to teach me how to do it myself xD

If you want to tell, you can 8u

(0) (0)
Image

"I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears."
    Top
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