Last year I got turned down for disability.. They listed 3 jobs I could do... I have social anxiety, agoraphobia, phonephobia, IBS, issues with my ankles and legs to where I can't stand long, and issues with my back to where I can't stand long nor do heavy lifting.
anyway the jobs they told me that I could do:
one of them was some sort of office clerk.
another was a mail clerk
the last one, marker, I never even heard of before. When I googled it I got results of Sharpies and Crayola >->, like what?
either way, all three ignored my agoraphobia, social anxiety, and phonephobia, all of these cause me stress and anxiety which triggers my IBS.. but the IBS thing, they said as long as I'm near a bathroom I'll be fine. No.. When IBS kicks in, you're on the toilet from 30minutes to 2 hours if not longer. I'm LUCKY if I'm off the thing in 5 minutes. Mail clerk also ignores my back and feet issues that cause me to have difficulty standing for long periods of time. You stand there and sort the mail, then lift the bins of sorted mail and take them to trucks or whatever. I can't stand, nor can I lift. >:x bins full of paper are HEAVY! So are packages!
my social anxiety is so bad, that I only take trash out at night when NO ONE is around/awake. but the latest new neighbors, I swear they don't sleep so it's been hard for me to do even that..
I can't go grocery shopping without someone being there with me. I get panic attacks when I'm alone in the store. I have to go outside and wait for my ride just so I won't be surrounded by so many people..
But yea, I got denied, the lawyer who was helping me, dropped me after that ONE court case.
Oh! By the way, the court hearing was done over the PHONE so after that 45minute call, I couldn't move my arm that held the phone because my muscles became so tense, i was crying because I don't deal well with people of authority, and I couldn't breath. I hyperventilated. I had to force my way to mom, because Kuromi (my anxiety cat) wasn't enough to calm me. She some how managed to calm me. My lawyer did and said NOTHING the WHOOLE call... didn't help me out at all... and so I was denied. yea.. =A=
I need to find a new lawyer but I dunno who to go to. Who can I trust? Mom's getting older and sicker, and that's been giving me panic attacks because if she dies, I'm screwed because I don't work. I can't work... I am barely able to take care of her! We're living off her SSI and my Foodstamps. So yea, if she dies, i'm very much screwed...
The more she gets worse, the more I see how alone I am with no one to help me out when she's gone.
I've been trying to do twitch video game streaming to earn money which isn't working out so well, and I do this thing called Swagbucks, where I watch ads to earn a little money on the side.. covid screwed that up.. =/ when covid hit and companies couldn't run, a lot of Swagbuck's funding disappeared which means the ads disappeared. it sucks.
the worst part is... my aunts, uncles, and neighbors just see me as someone who refuses to get a job. I am 31 years old, I been trying to get a job since I was 16, and I was HELLA healthier then than I am now, and no one's ever wanted to hire me.
I was once explaining to my one aunt (i have 7 aunts 2 uncles, so this can get confusing xD) about how stress and anxiety causes my IBS to flair up, and two of my other aunts go "your too young to be stressed, you don't know what stress is." that there stressed me out and I ended up in the bathroom for 45 minutes.. we were at a KFC when this happened. =A= A KFC staff member came to check on me.. not my family a member of STAFF!! A stranger was the ONLY one who noticed I had been in the bathroom for nearly an hour. >:x By the time I got out, they were preparing to leave.
When COVID first hit, I was late bringing the rent up to the landlady, I explained that I was trying to disinfect the place to prepare for lockdown.
1. She said Covid was never gonna hit our state.
2. She said if it did, I was perfectly fine because I was a healthy young person.
3. She said I was over reacting.
well...
1. Our state was in lockdown a week later, as covid was found a town away from us and spreading.
2. I am not healthy, and I have asthma which puts me at risk. and I also live with an elderly who has COPD which puts her at a HIGH risk.
3. I was reacting properly by taking proper precautions. Mom and I never caught it as far as I know.. though.. I still wonder about that really bad sinus infection a few months ago ._.
4. when lockdown hit, she didn't tell the apartment complex.. nope.. she sent word that she was taking a 2 week stay-cation.. nope.. she caught covid and was quarantining. Covid still isn't over, yet she's acting like it is and it's pissing me off.
wow, i did NOT mean for that to become that long. o-o, I saw how your aunt's kids are leeching off their mom and it just... reminded me of my situation and how people view me. >A< sorry
Mom will invite people over and share our food and drinks with them when we're barely scraping by as it is. >A< We only eat out when we can afford to. Most of our food stuff is bought with foodstamps and restaurants don't take foodstamps.
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