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Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Aug 31st, '13, 10:54
by Celestial Wolf
I'm crashing hard again. My grandmothers treat me like an idiot. I don't feel my age. I have changing health problems. I feel harassed by some people. I just don't know what to do with myself. Life sucks sometimes.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 1st, '13, 01:13
by Lilandra
I'm determined to find out all my character flaws. All my life I just accepted that I'm a horrible person that everyone will flee from once they know her long enough, but this ends right now.
I will ask people who complain about me for a list of issues they have with me.
I will do actual research on the topic.
And then, the effort will pay off: I will finally know what it is that makes a person so horrible nobody could ever stand to be around her, so unlikeable she'd never deserve to have friends.
Until then, I'll try to keep my self-hatred on hold.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 3rd, '13, 21:24
by amalath
Wish I could just end my life without hurting anyone.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 9th, '13, 22:34
by mercu
UGH i want to kill myself.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 10th, '13, 08:40
by Onzou
Spoiler
My body hates me here lately, and it's driving me crazy. One thing after another it seems. Started Aug. 16 with vaginal bleeding, not period, and had to go to the hospital. Hormonal imblance, then a yeast infection, then a UTI, then burning clitoral pain, then I was sick and throwing up for 3 days, then I thought I saw blood in my stool, now my stool is black, and I'm numb around my lower back. I don't want to ask my mom to take me to the hospital yet again (we just can't afford to add another $120 to an already huge medical bill) but I don't know if I have a choice. Body, can I just have a break? All this in the span of a month. On top of all the stress I already have going on, it wouldn't surprise me if I ended up with an ulcer.
I have never been pregnant, I am not pregnant, I have never even had sex or put anything in me aside from a pap smear. I haven't changed anything in my diet, I haven't gained or lost any weight. I don't even drink or smoke, nothing has changed, yet all of a sudden I'm getting sick, with what seems like new symptoms every day. Especially in that area.
I just want to feel normal again. I really wish someone was up to talk to.
Edit: And on a less stressful topic: I found out I have a serious fetish for muscular men in gas masks and dark military uniforms... The more mysterious the better.
Thank you Resident Evil for creating Vector and HUNK.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 10th, '13, 09:06
by Rehgai
I constantly think about suicide, at least once a day. Mostly common day items. But I'm 'clumsy', or so people believe... I'm not so sure anymore.. what If I am accidentally/on purpose hurting myself? I mean, who else has 4 inch long scar on their arm from opening boxes and the blade slipping... i feel like if i don''t keep myself focused on a task, or in complete control, i slip up.. and when i sleep up, i end up hurt...
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 10th, '13, 18:29
by Popodoki
Dear fucking whatever-the-fuck-deity people believe in, I wish I could videotape my brother without him noticing. Just make a recording with clear image and audio, for the sole purpose of getting him to realize and maybe, just maybe improve his utterly disgusting manner of eating!!
Or as I like to call it: the ill-synchronized shoveling of only semi-chewed food down a throat seemingly unwilling, a symphony of grunts and guttural/bowel issues of complaint clearly audible meanwhile.
To put it simple: my brother eats with his mouth hanging open. He makes grunting sounds (don't know how else to describe them. As stated I really need a recording) in between bites -which are hardly chewed- and needs to take regular gulps -and I do mean gulps, not sips- of his beverage to actually force down the food he shovels down his threat in alarming speed. And did I mention he grunts? And quite literally breathes heavily in between mouthfuls cause he's eating so fast and so slovenly that even his own throat/stomach protests?!
You know I really don't know how I got so chubby myself, seeing as the mere sight of my brother 'eating' withers my own appetite dramatically.
It's really embarrassing. When my friends come over and stay for dinner I pray that maybe this time he'll eat like a normal person instead of a fucking Neanderthal. But usually he doesn't, and I literally plead in my mind for my friends not to look his way or notice too much. And when they do -it's fucking hard not to when my brother fucking GRUNTS and smacks his lips and even drinks audibly at the same table!!!!- and they look at me with this 'wow really, is he joking right now??' face I just feel so fucking embarrassed.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 13th, '13, 01:06
by Sugoi
I wish I could be normal like everybody else and just fit in, be normal and be accepted by everyone.. I'm tired of not being myself with others, but if I'm myself they'd just avoid me.. Stupid new school. I just want to finish it.
And then my jelous boyfriend.. I really love him and I know he loves me. Yet he can be so jelous and overprotecting. Because he suddenly decided that he won't drink alcohol ever again, he thinks I won't drink it anymore either. I'm 3 years younger then you sweety, when you were my age you did things that were way worse.. Yes I joined the sororitie, yes I will party maybe once every 2 months? Maybe even less. Let me live. You didn't go to parties but just went to friend and smoked pot. fine. You smoke while I party because you don't like it when I smoke with others.
I just want to quit life. I don't want to die but I don't want this life. I want to be able to not be scared of every fcking single new thing. I want to be able to be with my boyfriend like in a normal relationshop. Stupid LDR. I love you sweety, so much, but that damn distance.. I want you to find a job and be happy. I know I'm not happy either, and I'm probably depressed just as you said when we just met, but I force myself too much now. I used to be able to make you happe, at least for the time I was with you, within arms reach. Now, I can't even do that. You gor si angry when you heard you still wouldn't get welfare. You left instantly and didn't even explain. I cried when you left. I know you were angry but still, it didn't make a difference that you went. It only made you feel even more sad. I don't like to see you sad and crying, I want to see you happy and smiling.
I'm tired of my dad being an ass. Asking how it was at school, while I told him a thousend times we don't have school untill next week! He know it. He just wants to annoy me when I'm busy. He know I hate certain things he does. And what does he do? He does it even more in front of me. Do it in your own focking time!
I think I really need to talk somebody about it. Someone who knows what he's talking about.
Am I really depressed or just really sad/confused?
I don't even know how to explain my feeling, I don't even know what I feel.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 14th, '13, 14:34
by Popodoki
Jeezes, is it really too hard to give me even a little bit of feedback? this is seriously getting ridiculous!
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Sep 16th, '13, 01:04
by mercu
dear dog this is really tiring
urgh seriously why do people get so butthurt by *everything* these days? .-.