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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 08:48 |
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KoriTamashii

Joined: Mar 9th, '11, 08:25 Posts: 700 Hugs: 4007 Mood: Very sad. Very tired.
Website: http://www.stephthespidergirl.webs.com
Location: In the cold mist.
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 08:49 |
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Aerimyth

Joined: Apr 20th, '11, 06:17 Posts: 164 Hugs: 259 Mood: Content
Location: LaFayette, Georgia, USA
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 08:50 |
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[[Tilla-Vi]]
![[[Tilla-Vi]] [[Tilla-Vi]]](ava/47007.jpg&m=1)
Joined: Feb 27th, '11, 07:26 Posts: 3829 Hugs: 7468 Mood: <3...*^-^*
Location: Under my covers
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it's unproofed word document that's why. xD i'm also comma heavy. >_>
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 09:03 |
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Mikael Hart

Joined: Apr 16th, '07, 05:34 Posts: 18419 Hugs: 278494 Mood: Hugs are death squeezes.
Website: http://www.gaiaonline.com/profiles/mikael-hart/6844374/
Location: Lordship of Wuffel
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@Tilla: Well, there are a few punctuation issues and sentence fragments, but nothing a good beta couldn't fix. It would be good if you started a new paragraph every time someone spoke; would be less confusing as to who's talking that way.
I don't think "(To the best of my knowledge. I'm not really sure how I got here in the first place. or what i am.)" is necessary; since the story is told from the character's perspective, it's pretty much a given that it's to their knowledge.
I'm not familiar with the setting and character of the story (having only read a portion of it), so I can't really say much else. So far so good? :D?
@Aeri: My sense of humor is based on Murphy's law. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. XD
Aha, cute.
@Kori: Kinda multitasking now, but I'll take a look at the first chapter...er...when I can. I'm about to write my RP post...ish, and damn, I am so excited.
Whenever I see my RP partner, I get excited. It's like an instant high. *headfloor*
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 09:07 |
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[[Tilla-Vi]]
![[[Tilla-Vi]] [[Tilla-Vi]]](ava/47007.jpg&m=1)
Joined: Feb 27th, '11, 07:26 Posts: 3829 Hugs: 7468 Mood: <3...*^-^*
Location: Under my covers
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It's supposed to for the most part, confuse you. i want you to feel like you're walking in the characters paths, and shoes and experiances.. she's talking to her self for the first part. anything in ()'s is her observing the fact, ect. she's lost and wondering around a baren place with nothing in it - there are so many symbolic places and parts in my story. @_@
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 09:07 |
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KoriTamashii

Joined: Mar 9th, '11, 08:25 Posts: 700 Hugs: 4007 Mood: Very sad. Very tired.
Website: http://www.stephthespidergirl.webs.com
Location: In the cold mist.
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Abuhh. I just went back and re-read what I wrote. Blew myself away. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's writing.
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Bye, bye, beautiful.
R.I.P. Joe. 3/4/88-3/4/11 Questing for: 5 x Book of Fire
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 09:10 |
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[[Tilla-Vi]]
![[[Tilla-Vi]] [[Tilla-Vi]]](ava/47007.jpg&m=1)
Joined: Feb 27th, '11, 07:26 Posts: 3829 Hugs: 7468 Mood: <3...*^-^*
Location: Under my covers
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..I'm verry point driven, and it's ruining the impact of my writing. >_>
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 09:21 |
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AliceON

Joined: Feb 9th, '10, 19:43 Posts: 10210 Hugs: 130498
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Of all these pieces of broken dreams
this one that scares and confuses me...
Goodmorningt, everyone! Does anyone know, is Firn going to increase the number of knuffel in each generation? I really worry about the speed of their disappearance...
...if all these things that you say are true
you should be someone I always knew.
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 09:24 |
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[[Tilla-Vi]]
![[[Tilla-Vi]] [[Tilla-Vi]]](ava/47007.jpg&m=1)
Joined: Feb 27th, '11, 07:26 Posts: 3829 Hugs: 7468 Mood: <3...*^-^*
Location: Under my covers
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Do you mean.. the one's that are already in the shop, or ones to come?
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Post subject: Re: ↓ → qυιℓℓ & cαиvαs 【 αи σc нαиgσυт 】 ← ↑ Posted: Apr 22nd, '11, 09:28 |
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Mikael Hart

Joined: Apr 16th, '07, 05:34 Posts: 18419 Hugs: 278494 Mood: Hugs are death squeezes.
Website: http://www.gaiaonline.com/profiles/mikael-hart/6844374/
Location: Lordship of Wuffel
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