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Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 20th, '14, 02:25
by ραριℓℓση ηιтєѕ
I hate that you let him talk about your children like they are trash.
I hate even more that you agree with him.
I hate that you allow him to treat you like garbage just because he pleasures you.
I'm tired of him slamming things and screaming and acting like a five year old.
I hate your boyfriend, mom.
I love you...you are my mother...but I hate you for poisoning our lives with him.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 20th, '14, 04:06
by Fire
What does it mean that all of my fears and insecurities only hurt me when I'm alone?
Why is it that, whenever I'm with you, they suddenly dissapear?
Every night, I crumble under the weight of the stress. But when I see you the next day, I can't even bring myself to tell you what's bothering me, 'cause the second I'm with you, all my fears just melt away.
I can't even tell anymore if all of those things are actually bothering me, or if my brain just likes to torture me when I'm alone and defenseless.
I just wish I could move in with you already. Then we'd be together all the time, and I'd always feel okay.
I hate being so dependent on you.
But if I had to rely on anyone in this world, I'm glad it's you.
You're the only one I feel safe with anymore. The only one I can truly rely on. The only one I can be myself around. The only one who won't let me down. The only one who will put my feelings before their own. The only one who cares enough to listen when my own body makes me sick.
I love you. That much I know.
I just wish I didn't feel so confused and conflicted.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 20th, '14, 23:57
by moonlight_sonata
Not sure why I feel like crying ? Random feeling out of no where just hit me. I better get my ass into dancing off my fat ate to much ice cream sandwich and I'm feeling ugly. I can't fall back to the bad habits of mine. Why does food have to taste so good ?
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 21st, '14, 00:37
by Fire
I just feel so hopeless...
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 21st, '14, 00:49
by Fire
Life just seems more and more like something I have to persevere through, rather than something to enjoy.
I know I only get one life. And I know that I should enjoy it. But I'm just miserable all the time.
I hate where I'm at currently. All I do is work, and worry about work, and worry about the future.
But the future looks just as bleak.
I don't think I'll ever be truly happy.
I just want to be able to relax and enjoy life. But how can I, when I've got a whole life full of commitments and tasks to complete?
I just don't see the point in it anymore.
Maybe I should just give up....
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 21st, '14, 01:04
by Fire
I was suicidal for 6 years.
Then I met you, and everything was okay again.
I finally had something that I wanted to live for.
Instead of just feeling guilty for hurting my friends and family by leaving.
It's been 18 and a half months since then.
There's been a handful of times that I've felt it since.
But it was manageable.
I finally felt like I was okay again.
But tonight it came back.
And I don't know what to do.
I am too much of a wimp to do it. But I don't want to exist anymore, either.
I don't know what I'm more afraid of: facing another 6 years of the thought of suicide lurking around every corner, or finally being brave enough to actually do something about it.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 21st, '14, 03:37
by moonlight_sonata
I'm very pissed off at the moment but I'm trying to seem happy but I'm very annoyed.
It feels like I'm nothing again.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 21st, '14, 08:06
by Ziaheart
Why do I keep giving in?
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 21st, '14, 12:38
by Alith Anar
I'm not coping, but I pretend things aren't so bad so I don't worry you...
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 21st, '14, 16:56
by moonlight_sonata
Sometimes wonder things
