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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 16th, '15, 10:45    


Knuffel Moderator
Ziaheart

Joined: Jun 22nd, '08, 18:31
Posts: 12326
Hugs: 243549
Mood: *fingers crossed*
Location: Canada
I just hate being back here after so long. Maybe that's what's up with me. But all the same, I just can't stand you and your condescending tone.

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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 17th, '15, 00:02    


Moi

Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 21:48
Posts: 54000
Hugs: 517412
Mood: Know you're not alone.
Website: http://seppukuaddict.deviantart.com/
Location: \8u/
Spoiler

I wish I wasn't a coward. People say I'm not, but fear rules my whole life. Too afraid to leave the house, too afraid to get a job, too afraid to tell people off, too afraid to fully trust anyone, always afraid. I wish the fear would disappear and I never felt fear ever again.

My mother instilled fear into me - my dad's not afraid of anything.
He's lived a chaotic life and says he has no regrets and is glad how his life went. My life is full of anger, sadness, bitterness, and fear. I'm almost 30 and I have led a shitty life. I'm afraid of dying. If I die soon, my life was a waste of humanity. There's so many people who mattered and died too soon, but someone like me is alive. I don't understand. I've wished I'd die, I've begged God to kill me. But I'm afraid of dying at the same time. I fucking hate having these emotions because they wear me down nonstop. I don't want to be inhuman my whole life, at least for half a year, I want to have no feelings of anger, hatred, bitterness, or fear.

I also have always felt the need to defend others. If I see someone being treated poorly, I will throw myself in there and defend them. I've done a lot in my lifetime. The feeling of anger is stronger than fear and I will speak up. But I have noticed I don't get the same treatment. When I'm being treated like shit, nearly no one intercepts. Some people do, but people who "love me" and are my "friends" don't do anything. And I'd help them if they needed me. I find it irritating. I don't hate them, I just feel saddened they don't care enough to stop me from being hurt.

I have a ton of faults and I've hated myself almost all my life, but I can see how good of a person I am now. I'm loving, forgiving, I love to help others, I love to make others happy, etc. But I can be selfish, I can be rude, I can be hateful, but that's not all of me. I admit that I am a decent person and that God should be proud of me. I don't do good things because I want God to let me into heaven, I do them because they're right. I know what it's like to hurt, so I try to stop others from hurting and make them feel better. If I was starving to death and found a loaf of bread, and I saw someone else starving, I'd give them the bread, because I know what it's like to hurt and be hopeless. I used to get angry when people would call me rude, selfish, a bitch, etc, but now I see how stupid they are and it makes me laugh instead.


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"I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me,
I can taste it in your tears."



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 Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 17th, '15, 00:36    


Fran

Joined: Jan 8th, '10, 03:37
Posts: 4601
Hugs: 39290
Location: Missouri
You were the one that got away,
the one I foolishly let go of.
At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
I hope you're as excited to see me again as I am to see you.

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`♥ } - knuffel f/p. | `♥ } - quest thread. | `♥ } - materials thread.
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       Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
      Posted: Oct 17th, '15, 02:17    


      Lyle Yule

      Joined: May 27th, '14, 19:17
      Posts: 17
      Hugs: 1578
      Location: Infront of my computer
      I hate my mother, she hates me as much as I hate her. I truly wish for her death, but I am sure she would think of the same for me.

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       Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
      Posted: Oct 18th, '15, 14:52    


      moonlight_sonata

      Joined: Oct 21st, '10, 01:54
      Posts: 1568
      Hugs: 37529
      Mood: Feeling bleh
      Location: Doesn't matter >=)
      My tooth decide to crack and it hurting me but I'm more scared of it going to cost taking it out then the pain. It is my fault but the dentist cost to much go get regular check ups :(. I wish the whole tooth fell out then one piece.

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       Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
      Posted: Oct 18th, '15, 23:13    


      Fran

      Joined: Jan 8th, '10, 03:37
      Posts: 4601
      Hugs: 39290
      Location: Missouri
      I hate being an adult in today's society.
      I hate the pressure to get a job, get money, pay bills, go to school.
      I hate that healthcare is expensive, that I can't go to the doctor about
      my stomach hurting, my teeth getting worse, the small bump on my eye and my ear.
      I hate that I was pressured into going to University to get a career,
      but the first three years were spent frantically running around,
      like a chicken with its head cut off - or so the saying goes.
      I feel trapped in responsibilities that I have no control over.
      Five years of tuition debt, thousands upon thousands of dollars,
      and I have no idea what it will feel like when I finally pay it off.
      The stupid water bill that was mailed out on the first, supposedly,
      but still has not come to me and it's been two weeks so now I'll owe more money
      for something I could not possibly control.

      Sometimes I want to hop on a plane and go anywhere else,
      but running from this is not freedom. At some point, I'll have to stop and do it all again.

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      `♥ } - knuffel f/p. | `♥ } - quest thread. | `♥ } - materials thread.
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           Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
          Posted: Oct 19th, '15, 11:58    


          Knuffel Moderator
          Ziaheart

          Joined: Jun 22nd, '08, 18:31
          Posts: 12326
          Hugs: 243549
          Mood: *fingers crossed*
          Location: Canada
          I'm just so tired of everything. Why do I do this?

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           Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
          Posted: Oct 20th, '15, 02:09    


          Lyle Yule

          Joined: May 27th, '14, 19:17
          Posts: 17
          Hugs: 1578
          Location: Infront of my computer
          I keep having dreams of a lot of things some things become real others I don't even know to believe... I want to believe they will turn out real because I am tired of my current situation... Maybe it's too much to ask for though.

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           Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
          Posted: Oct 20th, '15, 02:17    


          Fran

          Joined: Jan 8th, '10, 03:37
          Posts: 4601
          Hugs: 39290
          Location: Missouri
          Today's a bad day.

          I want a week. Just a week.
          To step away from responsibilities without feeling any guilt or shame.
          A week to go anywhere, to be with the people I love, to have an adventure.

          Sometimes I hate stories for the way they make me envy them.
          Run, run, lost boy. Away from all of reality.
          Listening to a song called Lost Boy now and all I want to do is cry.

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          `♥ } - knuffel f/p. | `♥ } - quest thread. | `♥ } - materials thread.
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               Post subject: Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
              Posted: Oct 20th, '15, 06:08    


              Bunnei

              Joined: Feb 17th, '09, 02:13
              Posts: 4076
              Hugs: 180898
              Mood: Fall colors <3
              Location: Oregon. U.S.
              I feel uncomfortable in most social situations.
              I often feel insecure about the way other people see me

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              Buying some things here:
              http://kofk.de/viewtopic.php?f=40&t=41727
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