Kingdom of Knuffel

I'm scared for my future, I'm a dropout, with no chance of returning to highschool, GED seems my only option. I can't find a job, even at a menial labor place, there aren't many jobs in town right now.
I turn 20 in October, and I've never had a real job..
I was so mad at myself, so sad and angry last night, I cut up my shoulder, hurt myself for the first time in years...
I've drunk alcohol underage, and although the test said negative, I could be pregnant, it's 15 days late now...

You keep pushing my farther and farther away... even though you might not realize it. You might just lose the thing most precious to you.

Well... I'm really afraid of these bitch girls (<--excuse the language...) that go to my school.... I'm scared that they'll beat me up...

I think of suicide almost everyday (if not multiple times a day)

My mother would be happier and better off with me gone. So would others. I would probably also be happier gone.....but for now their still are a few people I wouldn't want to hurt.......so for now I'm still here, but I don't know for how much longer.

I bought a gun and I'm planning on shooting myself in the head in the near future.
I'm not really an attention wh**e, so I would never cut myself, so this is the thing for me, cause I dislike of thinking things over.

I've done a test at school and the results were even worse than I expected. I thought everyone had fears an such, but I never expected the test results told me I had more fear than a regular person. Of 1 to 10, I scored 10 points on fear. It explains a lot tho. I always fear of failing. No matter what I do, no matter if it's for my parents, for school or my boyfriend... I try my best but I can't put away the fear. It's really in my way and I hope it can be resolved with therapy. I don't want it to rule my life.