Kingdom of Knuffel

I remember that since the moment i said yes to be with
my ex-boyfriend.......i told him i loved him since that day
i skipped all that-man-needs-to-say-it-fist normal BS
cause i honestly think it does not matter
i loved him then and i loved him afterwards and if i felt it then i
am going to let you know
i just don't deal with that insecurity....you know the game playing
like if love was like the movie Inception or something
when you plant an idea and like manipulate
oh no

i swear my love life was just fine till my parents like.......cut it short
to-say
of course it wasn't that easy

sorry for like kinda rambling here......it happened this past summer
and until now do i kinda feel lousy.....well feel lousy AGAIN after so long

I'm not sure what an "extremely frowned upon in society"
relationship could be
i mean for me...gay lesbian trans bi- relationship are seemed so often
it's normal to me....i mean i don't really mind.....it's not my place to mind
is what i say
how can i tell someone who to love?
It seems that my parents haven't grasped that view at all
but anyway that's not the problem <.<..........not mine i mean
i could agree if there was a HUGE gap in age....but we are only 2 years apart
so that isn't it
i think the leading factor was that he had no papers
i mean he was not legal in the US and (in their mind) he had nothing
to offer
and i could see where they come from, i know they just want the best
it just sucks that they made the choice for me...since i'm still under age
and he has so much more to loose than me
if they have called the cops.......he would be deported
and how can i let that happen? how can i be the reason why he is kicked out of the country that he most knows? if i even cared about him as much as i say i do.........then i must be unselfish and not continue something that endangers the one i love..........
I came to the decision all on my own............and trust me........it's the most painful thing when you understand that the only reason there's no happy ever after is because of your own situation.......because you're the danger and to love him is to put him in harm's path

TO LOVE IS TO KILL
LIFE'S A ASSHOLE and a sadistic one at that

IT WAS SERIOUSLY....REAL LIFE ROMEO AND JULIET BS
but i find no humor in it.
I'M not even sure what stage i am in.....if it's the mourning still
or the i could care less....fuck you sadistic fate for doing this to me
----stage
im guessing the second

and the worst part is that.........he send me a txt one day.......telling
me he was getting married...probably in December
what kind of person does that??? now tell me??? because i don't know
i did so much and he doesn't even know....doesn't even understand


sorry for my rambling here :C
what do you think?

i have this one song stuck in my head
i've been singing it almost non stop xxx'D
it's just so catchy
----
My heart is paralyzed
My head was oversized
I'll take the high road like I should
You said it's meant to be
That it's not you, it's me
You're leaving now for my own good

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say

She went down in an airplane
Fried getting suntanned
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes!
She met a shark under water
Fell and no one caught her
I returned everything I ever bought her
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies
And ways to say you died

it's 50 ways to say goodbye by train xD