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Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 30th, '10, 08:33
by Errisa
Sometimes I want to kill myself so that my mother lives with the guilt for the rest of her life.
But then I realize she would probably be happy if I was dead.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 30th, '10, 09:25
by MonochromeJester
Just a few.
I want to come out to my mother, but I'm scared she'll disown me.
I tell people I'm putting in applications for jobs, but really I'm just afraid of going outside into the world. I'm afraid that I'll just end up hurt again.
When I was a kid, a family member used to make me watch porn with them. It didn't scar me, but now I find myself craving pornography at strange times.
I pretend I'm someone else on a daily basis. Sometimes to the point I forget my own name.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Oct 30th, '10, 12:50
by Ha Ru
I changed my ex-boyfriends password on msn :D
and i keep lying him i never knew it :D
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Nov 7th, '10, 02:17
by absynthe
What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? I should be happy . . . I was for those few minutes, but now . . .
I really should just die.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Nov 11th, '10, 16:51
by [Jennifer]
I broke up with Tim. We are on a break. Did I make the right decision? If I waited who knows what would've happened to me. I felt like I was dying. There is so much stress. I can't stand my life. Why do I always try to fix peoples problems and don't do what's best for me? I want them happy. I hate when they aren't happy. Especially if they aren't happy with me doing something. I feel terrible. I feel alone and lost. I don't want Tim to do anything stupid. I want him happy. I want him to have a good life. What should I do? Does that mean sacrifice mine to help others? I don't want to be alone forever, even though people say I won't. All I do is work, school, work, work, school. I feel like a repeating record player with no life. What is life? I have no idea. You have to pay to live. All you do is grow and die. Then people will forget about you, who you were, and what you did. There is no point. I miss Tim. I love him so much. But this is what's best for me right now. I need to figure my life out, even if I don't know how. He is my best friend. I am still texting him. I don't want to hurt him. I cry so much now. I can't hold it in like I used to. Crying makes me feel weak. I hate it. Who can help me?
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Nov 14th, '10, 03:43
by absynthe
my weakness sickens me
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Nov 14th, '10, 06:39
by IsisOfSun
Since I was 16, ALL I have wanted was a baby. To the point that I would actually pretend I was pregnant and pretend the Baby Feels So Real that I got to teach me how to hold my baby sister when I was a kid was actually a real baby. Now I have the chance to petition for custody of the baby I used to babysit for. I want her. Being with her aunt IS NOT what's best for her. But I don't know that being with me is. I don't think it's best for me. I've always thought of myself as her mother, but I don't know if I can do it. I haven't called the case worker yet because I'm afraid she'll tell me I can't, but I'm also afraid she'll tell me I can. I can't raise a baby as a full time student with a part time job. I'm scared.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Nov 14th, '10, 13:27
by VanillaEclair
I cheated on my boyfriend after a year while I went abroad for college. It was the best decision I've ever made.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Nov 14th, '10, 15:53
by ladyceres
I don't know if i can really make it without him; I'm used to him always being around for me >>'.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets...
Posted: Nov 17th, '10, 08:42
by absynthe
I can't. I can't anymore. Please.
I'm so worried about you. Why do you shut me out? Why do you push me away?
I can't do this much longer. I don't feel you anymore . . .
I used to . . .
Each day that goes by makes me less confident that things will ever be the same again. Things go through my head. Things that are not good. But I'm trying to be strong for you. Each day is a battle, and some days are better than others. But it has almost been a month. You've barely said a word to me let alone those three words. And I know that they don't need to be said as often as we've said them . . . other things can show it, which is sometimes even better than the actual words. But you haven't had time to show it. I just wish you'd give me something . . . I wish I knew . . .
I used to know . . .