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Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 13:31
by memoriam
Thanks jacob. Just kick my butt when I start slacking off again xD
Well, you can always stop the volunteering for now to take care of yourself and then come back to it at some point later? I think? No one should really judge you for that, least of all your parents, but what do I know
J is right here, your health is the most important. Not volunteering doesn't mean you can't keep in touch with the people you like from there, right?
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 13:48
by LittleJulez
Oh that's fine, if this is what's best for you :)
Oh no, I feel ya, I am at 2 tokens now as well
Thumbs up for the novel and the exercises!!
I also found an interesting job I want to apply for, I want to write the application today/tomorrow :)
And went for a run this morning :)
Jacob, I think mem is right here. What if you tell them that you first need to focus on yourself for a bit, to get things done and to find a way/balance to deal with your job and your health and your personal life? Are you sure they will be that mad at you?
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 14:30
by jacobgrey
Well, it's kind of a situation where if we stop then we will be replaced. The person with seniority gets to decide where they work and we have seniority as a team, so basically if we came back there's no guarantee we could come back to the same place. Or that it would even exist any more - at other places they have been slowly replacing the volunteers with other positions, which could realistically happen here too if they were forced to by an event such as not having a team to cover that area anymore. Long story short, if we stop, we probably stop for good.
The people we're friends with there, well, a lot of them are older so don't really use technology, so it's unlikely we'd stay in touch without a reason to meet.
And finally I don't think they would be "mad" at me as such; just that they would bring this up for a long time to come. Like I stopped doing one event a couple of years ago and my mum still brings it up every possible chance. Whether she's doing it on purpose to guilt trip me, or whether she does it by accident when she's just thinking in her own way, I don't know. But it clearly still upsets her a lot that I stopped that one thing; this is like that but times by 12, because we do it throughout the year.
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 15:14
by Lady River
That sounds like guilt tripping.
my mum does that.
It's why I haven't visited yet since I moved. I think it's possibly a form of gaslighting too which sucks.
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 15:44
by memoriam
Wow, volunteering sucks XD Then I guess it's up to you, but in my opinion if you don't take a break from this and that, your health might get revenge for it in the end, and then you'll be royally screwed, even more than now
Still, with your health at stake, I don't think you have much of a choice. Can't your parents find someone else to volunteer with them, to keep the whole team? Like a friend, neighbour? Do they have to stop if you stop? It doesn't make sense to me, but I also don't know shit about how volunteering works, apparently
@Julez: Good luck with your application!
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 15:50
by Lady River
volunteering should never be compulsory, it's called volunteering for a reason.
Even if it is your parents, they should understand but I think they won't..
That said if you do stop, try to ignore the comments that guilt trip. Stand firm.
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 16:02
by jacobgrey
I can stand firm against it, it's just a big drain. Which is the thing I'm trying to avoid in the first place, so that's why it sucks.
They can't find anyone else, technically the team should be four people so we're already always one person short for a while here and there we had people who would help but they always dropped out over time. At one point we had a regular team of 6, and sometimes I would even not need to go because there would be 7 of us and 6 is the limit. Those were good times. The last time it happened was 2012 or something though. I do miss that.
Actually, fun extra fact: the last time I was able to take the day off like that was also the first time my temperature-based symptoms flared up really badly. It was a day when I suddenly couldn't handle cold anymore, and nothing improved since then.
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 16:06
by Lady River
You may just have to go in complete hermit mode to avoid that drain.
Like hermit mode to only those who drain you, as in your parents.
It sucks but for your own health, probably for the best for a while.
Though I say before you hermit, leave a note or something...
iono I'm actually about to go to bed, it's midnight..
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 9th, '18, 16:26
by jacobgrey
I want to spend time with them though. They're my parents. It's not like we row or anything, and 99% of the time we have good fun together. I guess I just basically want to move ahead to that point where everything is fine and no one talks about it anymore, instead of having to deal with the difficult conversations.
Trying to work today and I'm too tired still D: I've done 5 articles for a new client which is a start. But I have another 6 on today's schedule. And since I'm volunteering again this weekend, I have to get today's and tomorrow's work done on time. See, another example of how makes everything harder.
Re: ⁂＊ℭonfetti ℜain＊⁂
Posted: Aug 10th, '18, 12:21
by memoriam
It's really not fair that they might guilt trip you later on. After all you're their daughter, your health should be more important to them, even if they have to also stop doing something you enjoy. I mean, it's for your own good, come on. You can't make everybody happy, that always backfires sooner or later, I'm sure you know that. If it's common sense for you to quit, then quit. Dealing with hurtful comments isn't pleasant, but you'll pull through :)