jacobgrey
Joined: Jun 27th, '10, 20:26
Posts: 10677
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Website: http://www.rhiannondaverc.co.uk
Location: England
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So, things happened  feel free to skip over my rant to the TL;DR, I just need to type stuff out.
So on Friday I was working like crazy and packing like crazy, I managed to get so much stuff done. I realised half an hour before my parents were getting here that I'd forgotten to wash my uniform from last weekend. I threw it in the machine as quickly as I could and called them, and my mother was really derisive about how I should have prepared earlier. I explained I was exhausted all week from the weekend before and had been letting J handle the washing, and obviously he didn't realise. So she decides to skip over that part and have a go at me for taking on too much work and not having a break, and how I had been "out and about" all week while I was supposed to be exhausted. Well, I went out one single day last week to do some work that was prearranged, which involved sitting in a cafe all day, so it wasn't really strenuous, but there you go.
Anyway, eventually she decides I can borrow her clothes (which is stupid because we're different sizes) so I said that wasn't necessary, besides I have my own clothes in black and different jeans, just not the actual uniform. She then has a go at me for making a fuss when I could just wear non-uniform, which is ridiculous because she's such a stickler for uniform that she even bought me new clothes at the beginning of the season when I said I couldn't be bothered to get new ones and would just wear non-uniform. Next she tries to pass this off as something done out of "motherly kindness" and lays it on super thick. Of course this continues in the same vein, she just nitpicked on every single word I said even though we'd come to a solution and I was trying to get ready.
Then she's like oh you need to calm down and stop stressing over my work and trying to pick a fight. At this point I had enough and said the only reason I'm stressed is because of the weekend and the fact I was having to take time off to do something totally unnecessary for me, which I was only doing in order to please her, and she screamed "fine don't come then" literally seven times in a row without pausing for breath and put the phone down.
Okay, whatever, she's flipped out like this before. After ten minutes of being furious I continued to pack and get ready since I figured she'll ring me in an hour and try to get me to come.
So finally she does ring me, and I know Dad can't hear our conversation because she says something to him while he's outside at one point, so there's no witness to this but the two of us. She asked me if I was alright and I said no. Then she went on to basically "forgive" me because of my "illness" makes me "stressed and tired". She said they would give me a lift to another town that they had planned for Monday morning even if I didn't work and I turned it down because even if they're my parents, and even if we weren't fighting, that wouldn't be fair to ask for. She then was like oh I only called to see if you were alright and to offer that (but notice how after I said I wasn't alright, she just breezed right along to the next part, so guess she really cared about the answer). She asked if I wanted to come down to them in the morning and I said not really, no. She then said "that's YOUR CHOICE then" and said bye and hung up.
I got so furious. I mean. How fucking dare she. I told J the conversation pretty much verbatim with more detail than this because he rang me right afterwards when it was clear in my head, and he was furious as well. There's no way I'm allowing her, or anyone, to make me feel like I'm less than or like I'm hysterical because of my illness. Fuck no. No one gets to talk to me that way, and least of all someone who's supposed to love and care for me. She's always been unable to accept that she might be in the wrong ever, or that she might be able to say hurtful things - when I was a teen she used to always say that I must be going through PMT, which drove me so crazy there were some arguments where we very nearly stopped talking for good, and she must have known that's how I would react. My illness makes me tired, yes. But it does not make me stressed or upset. Other people make that happen.
Then I got really upset in general because I realised I don't mind missing this event since I've decided never to work there again after this year anyway, and I got very emotional about thinking that this really is the end. I guess that's the first step to accepting it and to actually making that move like I was saying before. In a silver lining kind of way, maybe this is the kind of fight I needed as a way to show to them that there's no way I can do this anymore.
TL;DR: My mother's a bitch, I stayed home, and now I feel better about quitting long-term.
Of course I was going to take a day off today as a result, but then more work came in and it's well paid so screw it, I'm taking the money 
@Julez good luck anyway, maybe you will be surprised!
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