I made the worst mistake not studying for finals until now. I have about 9 hours to prepare for two tests and finish a group final. My group only just got in contact with me, but I need to go to bed so I can be ready for my first test and, ugh,

Maybe I'm not ready for college. This is my second attempt at secondary education, and I seem to be messing it up a lot faster than I did before...

i was talking to a friend on a fanfiction website as we were both writing chapters when she finished her chapter I asked her how she writes so quickly (i was super impressed) she casually told me she's just copying someone elses' stuff from another website like it was nothing!

i deleted all of my things from the website and just left I am disgusted that there are people out there that will just plagiarise/steal someone elses stuff like it's nothing to them. They have no Idea how heart breaking it is to take time out of your life to create something with love, care and respect to share with others just out of the joy of the fandom only to log into another website and find that someone has taken your work and claimed it for their own.

Now I feel as if there is no point in doing anything creative. I hate Toxic people. Now I feel as if i might hide away from posting art and writing online just to avoid these things. It wasn't even my story that was stolen. I just feel like at some point it might happen so what is the point?

It's the same way with my whole life, and just when I think I've found something positive to do in my free time i am struck with this. It just set me off and I don't know why I'm getting all affected.

I cant escape these stupid feelings that cause me to build such thick walls to protect my self from the possibility of being hurt.

I'm so tired of trying to fit in to anything I feel so alone. When will I ever be a normal human being.

Edit. (I just went and fed a bunch of peoples knuffels from this thread venting and feeding lol)

@Lola (hope you don't mind me calling you that): I'm not sure you'll even read this, but this thread is also about helping out others, so I thought I'd add my 3 cents.
My advice: If you like writing fan fiction - keep doing it. There's a bunch of talented artists who deal with art theft, but they fight it and keep making the art, because it's something they love doing and they would rather fight the thieves than stop creating. Art theft is goign to be there whether we want it or not, so if you like writing, just do it. Don't mind the thieves, they just want to make themselves feel like they are talented, to feel good. (Or to make money sometimes, then you can definitely sue them )
Fandoms are awesome communities, because they make people bond over the things they all love. Don't shut yourself out just because someone might steal what's yours. If they do, confront them and claim your rights, it may be tiring, but it's worth it, by defending your art, you defend your baby ;) Don't just quit something you enjoy because of some idiot on the web. Be brave and creative and if you find some art thief, fight them. PM me, I'll kick their brains out
Surround yourself with people who have morals, that will prevent another disappointment like you've had.

memoriam wrote:@Lola (hope you don't mind me calling you that): I'm not sure you'll even read this, but this thread is also about helping out others, so I thought I'd add my 3 cents.
My advice: If you like writing fan fiction - keep doing it. There's a bunch of talented artists who deal with art theft, but they fight it and keep making the art, because it's something they love doing and they would rather fight the thieves than stop creating. Art theft is goign to be there whether we want it or not, so if you like writing, just do it. Don't mind the thieves, they just want to make themselves feel like they are talented, to feel good. (Or to make money sometimes, then you can definitely sue them )
Fandoms are awesome communities, because they make people bond over the things they all love. Don't shut yourself out just because someone might steal what's yours. If they do, confront them and claim your rights, it may be tiring, but it's worth it, by defending your art, you defend your baby ;) Don't just quit something you enjoy because of some idiot on the web. Be brave and creative and if you find some art thief, fight them. PM me, I'll kick their brains out
Surround yourself with people who have morals, that will prevent another disappointment like you've had.

Thanks for the advice and yeah feel free to call me Lola. Sometimes I'm a sook XD but yeah i started drawing again on gaia but for now the fan fiction is going to stay in a word document I'm insecure about it so I will take a break from that for now

You know people steal drawn art as well? Not trying to discourage you, keep drawing!
If you feel you need a break, take it, but don't give up on writing just yet if you enjoyed it
(Looked up the definition of "sook"-new word for me- going by that, I should join the club XD)

I do know that people steal art but there I can easy produce the original sketches/photoshop files as proof :]

LOL I didn't realise "sook" wasn't a work outside of Aus (and after looking it up on google, Canada) Mostly used like "Don't be a sooky la la"

I guess with writing unless you wrote it by hand and then typed it the 'proof' of writing can still be debated.

typing all of that in the thread the other day really helped though, I guess Luna00 is on to something ^^

True, I guess it depends where you write. I used to write in notebooks, then later I switched to Word, so I guess one would have to see a date of creation of the file

Idk if it's not a word in other English speaking countries, but it was new to me, because I'm Polish and I simply have never heard it before :)

Haha, yeah, it does help to just get it out of your head

I got up angry. I'm pmsing. Great, perfect. Just peachy.
My rats are nasty little critters. They wake us up at night. They can't stay in their cage for too long before they want out, to what? To chewing cables and digging in our plants. Fantastic. The cables are ready to fry them already. They do everything in their power to get to those plants on our windowsill and when they do, they get the soil everywhere. I begin to hate them. Like truly hate them. I don't think I'll cry if one of them gets fried in the end. I feel like I'd probably just shrug it off.
I can't find a job that would suit me. Or any job for that matter. "Think outside the box", what the fuck does that even mean? Therapists. There's no thinking outside the box. I am doing what I can and I turned down some offers because my therapist told me to "not take it if something doesn't feel right" to me. So, well, apparently I'm not suited to even work, because everything fucking either terrifies me or I hate doing something or I'm not good at or I'm not interested in. Fan-fucking-tastic. This is really awesome. It seems my job prospectives are only of that investment company I'm currently working for part time, and even though my boss told me unofficially I might get let's say "promoted" I don't think that'll ever happen. So yay.
The other carrier would be finally writing and publishing that book. But what am I doing all 3 months since my full time job became part time? I waste my time on youtube. I waste my time on kofk. I waste my time trying to find and apply for jobs I'm never gonna get. This is awesome. I'm blocked, I can't even write anything coherent. I can't make myself write. Idunno if I'm stressed, scared, both, none, I don't fucking know. I hate myself. I cried this morning, half an hour after I got up because I fucking feel helpless and hopeless and I just hate my life. I told myself I'll be writing all this time. So far I only looked, read and nothing really came out of it. Or it was so tiny, so insignificant it doesn't even matter anymore. Who cares if I have ideas if I can't write them down? And all I can write is my own fiction. I can't copywrite, I can't write articles, I can't even blog. I thought of making a youtube channel a while ago, about my everyday struggles as.... well, exactly, who? A highly sensitive person? Not really diagnosed. Just a psming woman? Well, that's more likely. An introvert with one thousand social phobias? Perhaps. It still doesn't sound interesting. I see people vlogging. Who cares what's happening in your life? Apparently, people do, because vloggers are popular, for some idiotic reason. Other youtube idea: languages. Except I only speak English enough. Hindi I don't believe I speak. Japanese, same. Swedish, I can barely write and read, not mentioning speaking it. I'm so fucking pathetic. I think and say I'm interested in languages, but hell, I can't learn the ones I'm learning. They just fucking evaporate from my brain. I feel like crying again. Nothing is right. I feel like a failure. I can't even finish that wild knuffel I was making because I'm either blocked or I have the rats out and they're everywhere and they fucking love cables. I'm not hooking up that tablet to my laptop when they're out, I won't, no way.
All I make is excuses. I say I'm trying but it doesn't even feel like it anymore. Wow, I hate this pms, if it makes me cry, it's bad. and it's still 9 days to the date. I fucking hate my life right now.
So, languages. Lyric videos. Anything. It's still not a good idea, I don't think I'd be successful (whatever I'd decide on) and I have no idea how to make money on youtube.
On deviantart it's the same, I have no idea, plus I hate doing things like people tell me to, I get an instant block, so it's awesome. "Oh, you're an artist, you're so creative, why don't you make money on your art?" 1, don't believe your family when they compliment you. Ever. 2, my art isn't really art, it's shit, I can draw in one style, only females, no animals, no action poses, just static ones, I suck at backgrounds, I don't do digital art because I can't figure out that tablet and that program and I don't think I can figure one that's deemed the simplest in the world. 3, I don't think I could write on commissions, and I definitely don't think anyone would pay for my writing, because I suck. Plus I'd get blocked as mentioned before.
Yep, I'm a failure. That's fantastic. And I'm beginning to mix languages I know, fantastic with a K, what an idiot.
Great, now my head hurts from the short, yet intensive and sudden outburst of tears. That's just peachy. I can't even shut up.
I've had some dialogue ideas this morning and did I write them down? Nooooo, for what? No one wants to read it anyway. You're annoying, your style sucks balls and your jokes aren't funny. That's right, you're not funny. Fuck you, go die, the world will be all beter without you.

You know what's the worst? I pity myself and make myself cry. I feel like an attention whore. But I don't really want that much attention, if I would, I'd post it in my hangout. But here people don't really react to other poeple's venting, I don't think anyone reads the stuff that go into this thread but me. I feel like a horiffic horrific (how do you spell that effing word?, ah okay, so I was right from the beginning - see, I even doubt the spelling I have in my head and write things wrong just to check it and see I was right). Where was I? Yes, I feel like a horrific, self-pitying, pathetic little monster who emanates hatred all around. This venting doesn't help that much, I can rant on and on, because I'm so angry and frustrated and desperate and nothing helps, especially those typos I keep making, I hate typos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so pathetic. And I can't even make an avi that would be sad and gore enough. Ugh.

Ive vented about this to my therapist and bff but sometimes the void of the internet is the best place lolol

Theres this one girl in my major. Its a fairly small major so all of us tend to have the core classes together. And she was in several or my classes last semester as well as this current one.
Anyways: shes the only person at the school that I've yet to have a negative relationship with. I think it's because we're opposites.
She's VERY negative and im very positive. She's horrible at speaking up in class and I'm really good at speaking up. She hates everything and everyone and I love everyone and everything. She hates the teacher I love. She refuses to try new things and challenge her preconceptions of art and thats everything I'm about.

Every damn class, she makes some kind of negative or snide comment.
The main thing that happens: aside from her being super confrontational when I say things sometimes, is that she acts like i talk over her every single time she talks and I'm the one picking fights with her. (when shes usually picking fights with me?)
Last semester I had to leave almost every class I had with her to go cry in the bathroom at least once. (i think 5 times in one class was the record)
This thursday I had to leave, not to cry, but so I wouldn't scream at her in front of the whole class.
What happened in class on thursday was pretty indicative of the usual happenstance: we were having a discussion in class about what it means to be an artist as an educator, and I said something about how important it is that we diversify and yadda yadda yadda. She piped up and went "I actually said the opposite" and then proceeded to not say the opposite in fact what she was saying backed up what I said. So I said "Actually, that's not the opposite of what I said" and she yells "Thats exactly what I'm talking about its ALWAYS A FIGHT"
??? I was trying to clarify?
My teacher said something to her about how its not a fight its a clarification but I'm just soooo done
And whenever I try to say something to back up what she's saying when we're having conversations in class she always scoffs and exclaims how i "Always interrupt and cant get a word out"
And she's driving me CRAZY. I can't stand another instance like that because it's causing me some serious psychological distress. I understand that she doesnt speak up as easy so she's probably seeing how much I talk in comparison to her. But I've only ever noticed myself legitimately interrupt her once and I stopped as soon as I realized?
I'm trying so hard and I dont hate anyone but i hate her.
And I don't hate her because she's so negative. I hate her because she makes me feel like I'm hurting her and thats the exact antithesis of everything I care about.

BUT I've decided that I'm going to try and talk to her one on one. I can't continue like this because if i AM the one being a jerk I want to stop that behavior. But everyone else I've talked to about it think I'm not being a jerk at all. And I'm just SO distressed because I dont want to be hurting her you know?
But like I told my therapist: the convo I want to have with her isnt necessarily about getting things out, so much as it is to gauge her reaction.
Three ways it can go:
-we talk and she's responsive and i wasnt being rude: then we'll be good
-we talk and i am being a jerk: then i can rectify that
-she wont even listen to what I have to say: Then i will no longer feel bad about what I'm doing because its just her.

Either way i NEED to have that convo with her because i cant go on like this
Personally: I think she's projecting onto me the fact that shes confrontational, but I want to just try and work through this someway somehow.
SIIIIIIGH

Sounds like she has her own problems and she's letting things out on you. I personally don't see any need for your confrontation with her, it's clear to me she's the jerk here. But if you need it, okay.
The thing with such people is they don't see their fault, they don't even consider that maybe it's them. I know, because my sister is like that. She acts like the victim, but she's in fact the bully.
I bet that girl won't listen or she'll blame things on you. You can't prove her wrong, because it's how she sees things and it's how she feels, that you're the jerk, even if you don't feel that and everybody else experiencing those fights don't feel that either. All you can do is change your own perspective, but not hers. You can only learn to not mind her.