Well, stop them from eating fruit, first off. Stop that immediately. Second off, eww. Make them clean the sink catch.

I'm hoping the second book ends in a more resolved place than the first one. I need satisfaction in my life if I have to wait until I come home again. Also, you know I'm coming for Thanksgiving, right? No need to wait until Christmas.

Ah, a physics problem! Perfect. I can catch a physics undergrad and make them do it for me. It can go on their resume. The experience, I mean. Not the gold.

Writing emails is dangerous. I spend half an hour composing, and then when I send it off I feel so relieved and full of achievement that I'm useless for another half hour.

Eh. I usually just dump it down the drain, entirely defeating the purpose of the catch. No need to touch the eww.

I am aware. Do you expect to read them in three days? On that topic, are you flying up, and if so, have you booked your flights yet? Found a cat sitter?

Here, I solved all of your problems: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1 ... ode=ytim20 Obviously this is the only information you needed.

You're welcome to forward emails for proofreading. That's a thing people do. "Behind every strong women, there are five other strong women who proofread her emails" (although I am offended they assume I can't write my own emails - not everyone has that problem)

I weep for the future of your plumbing.

I read the first book in one day. Why shouldn't I read the last three in three? Right now I'm planning to drive and take Coral with me, which she's going to love, of course. It will be a fun drive for everyone.

Alas, I don't seem to have access to that paper. I am cursed to work with gold fossils forever. I will be known for my excessive bling throughout all of academia.

Where do I find the other four strong women?

It's pretty wild that I'm getting paid again soon. They just keep giving me money! It's like I've found the ultimate life hack!

It only has to last a year or two.

Are you going to try to do the whole drive in one day? Have you ever driven that much before?

Make sure you're on OSU wifi? I don't know why UMN would give access but OSU wouldn't, it being so fancy and expensive and all. If you are stuck with gold fossils, I suggest also getting gold teeth. Embrace your position.

Bribe them with your excessive cash? Have four daughters quickly? Adopt? Allow men to join your proofreading circle?

I've driven seven hours in a day and done pretty well with it, but I'm hoping I won't have to do the whole drive in one day. Finding a pet-friendly hotel overnight should be feasible.

I have had very spotty luck with OSU access. I don't know where the school throws its money--oh, wait, yes I do. The football program. I live in fear of football days.

I feel like even if I had four daughters very quickly their proofreading abilities would not develop until after I already have my degree. You could have daughters instead, and take advantage of the fact that time passes more quickly in Minnesota, so that they reach adulthood before five years have passed in Ohio.

And you can pay for the hotel room with your piles and piles of cash. Excellent.

Hence "No tailgating" in lots far, far away from the stadium? Like the Target lot? Georgiana suggests biking out of the city for the day. Far, far outside.

Why is the daughters option the only one you considered? You would be horrified if I told you I was having children now. Just adopt some school-age children and force them to proofread for you. No food if they can't spot at least five errors.

Alas, I have no bicycle with which to escape. And I would fear being waylaid by fans on my way out--they can smell nonbelievers.

True. Please don't have any children right now. No children until we're both ready to be moms. That includes adoption, I think, even if the adoption is strictly for labor purposes.

Today I pulled something out of my backpack and saw it had a turf turd on it. I picked up the turf turd, intending to throw it away, but then I got really sentimental and ended up putting it back in my bag. It doesn't help that I can hear the marching band practice every day while I wait for the bus.

What do they do to nonbelievers? Make you tailgate with them? I'm sure they have something you could eat. Embrace the experience like a cultural exchange.

If I had to wait for you, I'd never have any kids. Can't make that pact, sorry. I require two children. Theoretically, at least. I still don't particularly like them. I'm counting on a natural aversion to eating my own offspring.

I don't approve of keeping sentimental turf turds, but I understand the feeling. I had a hard time walking past the stadium. Now I don't walk past the stadium, but thinking about it makes me sad.

Ooh, update: I had a meeting with Georgiana yesterday and I had to show her some of my data. I ended up scribbling graphs all over a big white board and I felt like the conspiracy theory meme guy. I think I made the same hand motion.

I'd be too afraid to accidentally wear the other team's colors and get mauled.

Noooooo you have to wait. Our kids have to be the same ages. Chill out on your biological clock. And who says I'm not going to be ready to reproduce in a reasonable amount of time???

Conspiracy theory meme guy is pretty good, but next time, you should aspire to be aliens guy. Aliens guy is very confident. You should also have great confidence.

Wear only all white or all gray or all black. They're almost always neutral. Or wear nothing but white and red, because OSU. Alternatively, wear maroon and gold and a Goldy costume.

You don't have a partner for reproduction and you're too poor to go the solo route. I have zero faith in you for this.

Aliens guy has no data. Aliens guy just has his hands and his hair. I have data and no hair. Nope.