Kingdom of Knuffel

Uh, I hate the silent problem situations as well... Like, I can see something's going on and I get worried, so talk to me and let me know what's going on with you. How else am I supposed to support you through it?
But yeah, I also get that it can sometimes be hard to talk about things and you have to carefully coax it out of the guy. Or me, I need that handling sometimes as well (although I think I'm better at talking still... as long as I get hugged while having to do it).

Hope you get it out of him soon and don't have to wonder and just take his annoying behaviour like this for much longer.

Wow, jacob, wow :D I am out of words here.

Well, you have to understand that a person having an eating disorder does usually not want to admit it. So be gentle with him about this. Even if you are his partner, this is something people don't talk about.
The other thing is still super annoying though!

I hate when Ash does something like that. I sense something's wrong, I ask him, he tells me all is good. I ask some more, he still says it's fine, so I drop it and go on with my life. And then three months later BAM! "because YOU did this and that and said something a long time ago so you can't defend yourself now because you don't even remember it!" Like.... and you're telling ME I'm immature? How dare you ;>> Also, I probably was hangry or/and pmsing when I said that, forgive the slave of her own hormones, I try to keep them down, but they're like rabid dogs, sorry.
If I were you I'd tell J this: If something's wrong, talk to me. If it has nothing to do with me, don't take this out on me. Just tell me what's going on and how I can make this easier for you.
If he says what's up, great, if he doesn't it's his choice and you're clean.

That eating disorder reminded me of the time Ash told me he was the Hero. and I'm like... the what? who? how? you Batman or something? XD (ok, I didn't ask that XD) then he goes on that in his therapy he got "diagnosed" with the Hero personality of a child from a disfunctional family. My brain shut down for a while, then I immediately googled those personalities and yep, he's a Hero to a T (I totally cried). Eyes wide open suddenly xD And I even found out what I am.
So I guess men just like to "casually" say what's wrong with them and for us it's like a ton of bricks hit our head :')

memoriam wrote: So I guess men just like to "casually" say what's wrong with them and for us it's like a ton of bricks hit our head :')

This :'D so true.
I'm still not talking to him haha. Ufff. I have to get on with my day and things that need completing instead of running around after him. Because I can also bet that he barely even notices this. He even sent me a couple of messages along the lines of letting me know he was heading home like he normally does, as if nothing was happening.

I think it goes a little deeper with him also than just not wanting to talk about things. He can be very deceptive. He'll say anything to get himself out of being even mildly in trouble. Like the time I found cigarettes in his car and he went through this whole routine about how I was being so unreasonable for not believing that he had just found them and picked them up, and they weren't even his and he was going to give them to a friend who smokes. We spent like a whole day arguing about this because I was not believing this excuse at all, but he stuck by it constantly until I had to just accept it. Of course 6 months later he admits that he bought them in a shop and was smoking them. I hate it when he does things to make me feel like I am paranoid, overreacting, can't trust my instincts etc, and it turns out I actually was right later. Because you can be sure I spent those six months thinking I was wrong and not trusting my gut anymore, which means I probably missed other things, not just relating to him but other people as well.

Sorry but that cigarette thing is gaslighting, or it sounds like it. Call him out on it.

Men often do not realize what they say and cause with it. Happened to me quite a few times. On the other hand, my ex also told me a few things that I said apparently did not let him go until we finally talked about them when he found the guts to ask me.

J does really sound as if he did not even realize that something is wrong Oo
Why does he lie to you? Like about the cigarettes.

I think silent treatment is so subtle it goes over men's heads They really tend not to notice you aren't talking to them unless you point it out yourself.
I'm sorry to say that, but J sounds really toxic. I know he probably has some issues with himself, but that actually isn't a good excuse. Then again, maybe it's just lack of communication.
Maybe he's a sort of a pathological liar? (I don't know much about that, so don't stone me, it's just a loose thought )

Oh wow, sounds super frustrating. Can you even rely on him then? Cause you can never be sure if he is lying or not?

(mollycoddled is such a great word btw!)

Therapy alert For him alone and for the both of you as a couple. As much as you guys love each other it's not a healthy relationship at all. I have no idea how you put up with him to be honest. He doesn't take responsibility seriously only because he's so afraid of failure (and I get that, truly), and how are you supposed to rely on a man to be the father to your children and so on if he really isn't reliable and it seems like because of that (and probably other things as well, just guessing) there's no stability in your lives whatsoever.

Love mollycoddled, awesome word