Kingdom of Knuffel

I don't want to hang out with 40+ year old women especially since these women are married and have kids..There is no way they can relate to me and their intelligence level is urgh..

I feel so much pressure- some I brought onto myself, but much are from others...
My mind is scrambled and I can't concentrate...I feel like I'm PMSing because of all the recent moodswings...
I want to talk, but I don't want to burden anyone...

I love you, so very much.... And I know you know that, and it is wonderful knowing that......

Sometimes I just want to curl up and never wake up.
Of course... That will hurt the ones who actually care about me.
I care about them too...I won't let them have themselves mourning over a useless, wasted person. :/

Stop talking to me about jobs! Mom and dad told me they don't expect me to get one because of my disability. So why can't the 3 of you back the fuck off! It's not lazy. It's fear. The simple task of going outside is even difficult for me. I have panic attacks just looking outside and thinking of what's out there! You don't get it! No one seems to understand what it's like to think and believe you're going to die if you even take a step outside of your home. And my hoody I wear isn't because I think I'm fat. It's a security blanket for me, that's all. Stop making things more difficult than they need to be.

PS. I didn't choose to stop going to therapy. Mom pulled me out because it wasn't helping! I didn't give up on myself, I didn't just say "Hey! I like being scared of everything and everyone!" Because I don't! I hate it. I can't be a normal person when my mind has imprisoned me in my own home. It sure as hell isn't because I chose to be this way. Just because you're outgoing and think the world owes you something, doesn't mean I'm the same way.

I swear...i may be turning nocturnal...