Kingdom of Knuffel

I would try that reverse psychology on the Universe but I'm not even trying to get pregnant since Ash ain't ready, so... Would I have to start thinking of trying during sex? Idk XD At the beginning of this year I made a manifestation ritual and one of the manifestations for this year was "I'm ready for maternity". Which technically doesn't mean "I intend to get pregnant this year", which would be stupid, because I'm idle about trying, because I'm trying really hard to respect Ash's wishes... and manifestation doesn't just do stuff for you, you actually need to do things to help the manifestation come true and I can't bring myself to just start raping Ash in his sleep (Yes, that's possible. Yes I've tried. No, he doesn't wake up during, it's actually uber hard to wake him up. Yes, sometimes it's even better sex that way, don't ask me why 'cause Idk. Yes, I have his permission to rape him in his sleep - which I guess isn't rape anymore? - and no, I don't do it anymore although it would help my cause, lol) #longbrackets4eva
Maybe I should start manifesting getting pregnant "by accident". Is that cheating already? xD Idk. I'm happy for my sister, although she didn't really want to be a mom and didn't even try, it's more like her husband was trying and she was like "I guess if you really want kids, then fine" or something (don't worry, she's kind of happy about it now, although she's also panicking xD). And yeah, I'm a little bit salty about it.
So I freaked, cried my eyeballs out during the last therapy session, I'm openly telling Ash that it really saddens me with so many women around me being pregnant and that it's hard to go through. And sure, he knows, he hugs me, lets me cry about it, but he still can't tell me for sure when we will start trying. So he says nothing. Wehn I turned 27 last year I told him half-kidding, half-seriously that when I turn 29, I'll start trying by myself if he doesn't agree because I would want to get pregnant before 30 and if a year isn't enough and I don't get any results, it would mean one of us has some trouble around fertility, which I'd like to know as fast as possible. He said: "Great, and I want kids after I have my own apartment or a house". Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a pile of bricks

Why did this turn to a text wall again? Could I not? Who knows? Stop oversharing and start getting to the point faster, jeez. I'm so mad at myself
I'm so frustrated and impatient I even began bombarding my spirit guides with questions and they're like talking about March and trusting and letting go and I'm literally a ticking time bomb rn I'd love to just relax and trust that it'll happen at the best possible time for me, I've tried trusting and letting go, thought I've succeeded, but apparently not. It's a struggle. I'm obsessed again. It's hard to let it go.
I've literally done so many tarot readings for myself and took some on youtube, asking about when will I get pregnant and yesterday I stumbled apon a pile that basically said "We've told you this so many times that it's coming, why are you even here?". Completely called out XD I'm so impatient.
And I'm rambling into a text wall again, yay me and my hectic brain. I started thinking maybe I have ADHD. Idk.

Okay, bye *insert mokey covering eyes emoji*

I miss that emoji here, it's my fave to use, I'm that emoji, that emoji is me...

Okay, now bye for real.

@Moi, that cat story

The monkey emojis are too damn cute

I need some flail time, indeed. *flails*

Right? Especially they're general readings, literally for thousands of people and still, there's always something that totally refers to the situation you are currently in. It's amazing but also how is that even possible? What is this sorcery?!
I know logically there's probably at least a thousand possible easons why it happens, like auto-suggestion, hearing what we want to hear and all, but it still amazes me.

I'll probably try to ask Ash to go to some kind of couples therapy with me. Because Idk how many times I can raise my age bar until I snap. Well, until I snap again. I've had some major breakdowns over it in the past, I think all of them were straight-forward in his face and constituted of a lot of crying and snotting on his chest while he hugs me, saying nothing and giving me "I'm too busy feeling guilty and horrified to deal with you" vibes. It unnerves me that he doesn't say anything. Then I'm done with my breakdown and he still is adamant on his "no children before apartment" policy.
I'm getting really upset, especially I'm one week before my period and I'm obsessively hoping I'm pregnant...

Why slap yourself tho? I see no reason to be so harsh with yourself for having a random thought XD

Ugh, I want a cat Ugh, I want everything. Someone bring me back to Earth, that can't be normal, can it?

Someone could slap me. I probably deserve it. XD

Thought I'd pop in and say hello.

Everyone's avatars are looking lovely.