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Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 2nd, '21, 21:02
by Moi
Mem: Same, actually xD
I'm glad you experienced some highs 8u
I know I'm always afraid to be happy and enjoy it because I feel like something is going to come back and knock me down.
Afraid to let my guard down, you know.
What is the medicine? If you want to share.
My mom takes meds and so does my sister because they're bipolar 8u
>xD
Stupid banana 8,u
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 3rd, '21, 22:02
by memoriam
I wasn't worried about crashing but then I watched a bunch of mental health videos on youtube about bipolar and now I'm scared I'll crash xD Especially there's something going on with me. I can't tell if it's some brain fog or delusions, hallucinations, depersonalization or whatever. I feel like I'm not fully in my body. It's weird, been like that for a few days now.
I'm not sure if that medicine is available in the US, probably under a different name. It's called Lamitrin here, the substance is lamotrigine. It's also used for epilepsy, apparently. For bipolar I think it's a mood stabilizer, that's what I understood from what my doc said.
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 3rd, '21, 22:24
by jacobgrey
Hey, I used to be on epilepsy medication too! It was used for blocking transmissions from my nerves to my brain haha. It was a different type though.
I feel like I had more to comment but my brain didn't work ~~~
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 4th, '21, 02:13
by Moi
I've felt that before. Felt like I was watching everyone and everything from a different place.
Never for days, though :\
You know, a medication I was taking for anxiety was apparently used for allergies and stuff.
I thought that was weird but interesting xD
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 6th, '21, 10:31
by memoriam
It's funny how one substance can be used for treating two completely different conditions
Moi, it wasn't completely like that for me (for now I think it mostly passed by now), it was more like I was conscious about my actions and surroundings, but not quite fully conscious either. Kind of like my body was working on autopilot and I was not fully in control but also I didn't mind it that much. I mean, it was freaky a little bit, but not like that time I completely blacked out (or more like whitened out, idk, anywho, my physical vision was white and in the mind I saw myself from above, lol) while unleashing my inexplicable rage on my brother-in-law in January 2020 XD So, you know, just blurting things out to myself or bouncing all over the apartment didn't bother me as much, especially Ash went away to some shithole to visit his sister and stepdad, so I was home alone and could nut out without restraints XD Sure, I was for a moment convinced
(or more like confused and knew I was wrong but still clinging to hope, lol) I was pregnant despite my uterus bleeding but that's because my pendulum kept sending me mixed signals XD
Oh yeah, I bought a pendulum
#lifeupdate haha
I'm noticing that I'm an impulsive spender. Halp.
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 6th, '21, 13:13
by jacobgrey
I think I get that sometimes Mem. Like, it feels like I'm watching a movie or I'm an actor in a movie rather than this being real life. Or playing a video game, I guess. Or being in a dream. Where things just happen to and around you and you're not really in control.
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 7th, '21, 04:42
by Moi
I was listening to an older podcast where people talked about how certain medications help with different things.
I think one of them said their sibling was taking this medication to help with her mental illness, but the medication is prescribed to people with Epilepsy.
I get what you mean. I actually zone out a lot, but I think it's from lack of sleep.
I just don't see or hear anything around me - I'm just...really zoned out.
Which is one reason I think it's good that I don't drive.
I could be driving, zone out, and cause an accident.
When I was having that thing I mentioned earlier, I explained it to the ER doctors as it felt like if I were to try to hurt myself, nothing would happen because nothing felt real.
A pendulum sound interesting 8u
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 7th, '21, 13:13
by jacobgrey
Yes, Moi, just what you said about the ER thing. I've had a feeling where I could just say or do anything. Like I could turn around and be really rude to someone I love, or go kiss a random stranger, nothing would happen because it's not real. And then I kind of have to have a mental argument with myself like "are you sure? because it could be serious if this IS real..."
I actually think of the film Vanilla Sky sometimes. Have you seen that? He finds out that everything that happens is actually in his head and he's in control of the whole universe. Sometimes I get that feeling, like, do these people really exist as separate people to me? Are they real? Do they still exist when I can't see or interact with them? Do they really have their own thoughts, dreams, desires, and so on?
Anyway, that always freaks me out, it's almost too much to think about XD
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 7th, '21, 20:01
by memoriam
jacobgrey wrote:I think I get that sometimes Mem. Like, it feels like I'm watching a movie or I'm an actor in a movie rather than this being real life. Or playing a video game, I guess. Or being in a dream. Where things just happen to and around you and you're not really in control.
Exactly that!
Feeling like things are unreal is called derealization, I think. I'm not sure I've ever had that. But I often question the reality on the philosophical level
More often I question my thinking and opinions being biased because I'm so constricted by my human mind and I essentially know nothing, even about myself.
Nope, don't go there, mem, you gon' get lost in that thought, it's a rabbit hole 
Re: *⁂* Confetti Rain *⁂*
Posted: Apr 7th, '21, 21:33
by Moi
When it first happened, I had no idea what was happening. I knew something was wrong, but I never had it before and didn't know what it was.
So I went to the ER and someone told me it was Derealization disorder.
I've had it happen a few more times, but I know what it is now, so I don't panic.
I haven't seen it, but I know what you're talking about 8u
I remember this song saying "If you're here, can you prove you're really here?"
And people were talking about "HOW do we know we really exist 8u"
So I asked people that and they seemed weirded out by it u8