Kingdom of Knuffel

Wow, I don't think I've been logging in the past few days and I expected at least some activity here but it seems I came back to a ghost town XD Fitting with the sleeping on cemeteries, lol

I've no idea what I've been doing lately. I guess I was playing Everdell with Ash, working and exploring the magick of sigils. Idk.

I've never seen those but if they work then that's what matters :D

I'm also pretty tired lately and distracted at work. Or in general. I just want to do fun things, like reading a bunch of useless information on the internet, draw some squiggly thingies and watch hours upon hours of youtube videos just because. I don't want to work. For somebody else or myself. This girl just wants to have fun
Also, I'm obsessing about babies and I can't shake it My sister has had her first ultrasound and she sent me the pics. It's a tiny human already!
Oh, I keep having whacky dreams, most of which involve my sister and my brother-in-law. Not like a full narrative around them, they just happen to stop by in my dreams and then other stuff happens. Even in my dreams I'm anxious around my brother-in-law, it's disturbing
Overall I feel like I'm going crazy, hehe 83 It's fine. I'm fine... I'm not fine.

Can you tell my head is all over the place? I guess it's good that I'm going to talk with my therapist in about an hour.

My dreams are strange AF lately. Last night I had this dream that I was sitting in a dark room/hallway (kind of like a waiting room) with a bunch of people from my life, like classmates from different points in my education etc. They were all kind of excited to be "let in" somewhere while I was terrified of what's supposed to happen, of the all around darkness, I was generally really anxious. We were all squeezed together like sardines on this long line of benches by the walls of that corridor/hallway. I couldn't understand why the hell nobody is panicking. Then the door at the end of the hall opened and I just saw light pour in and everybody rushed to that light, super happy about it. I wanted to go with them, but the door slammed in front of me and it got dark again. I stayed there alone in darkness and I was confused, afraid again, began crying etc. and I kept saying "I wanna go with them, why can't I go with them, I want to go to the light with the others". Then there was this angel (I didn't see him/her/it-not sure, it was like genderless, but I kind of knew it was an angel and I had a few glimpses of white wings) that told me it wasn't the time for me, that I wasn't ready or something, that there was still some lesson I need to learn, so I need to go back. So I was double confused, because how the hell is it possible that I got something wrong, I'm "so spiritual" and "I know so much" and how did those people deserve to go there and I didn't. Then I began thinking maybe it's a trap and they got lured by the fake light or something and I asked where they all are and the angel basically said "oh, they're down there, feasting together, see?" and suddenly I was not in the hallway but on some balcony and I looked down. There were tens or even hundreds of people out there, all in nice warm light, having awesome food. Then I saw Ash was there too and I wanted to go be there with him and I tried calling out to him but nobody from down there heard me. The angel kept saying I can't be with Ash now because I have some stuff to do still. My heart broke and I cried even more and then suddenly I was back on Earth, escaping someone (like a demon or something? looked human but didn't move like a human, and had some weird weapon) because they were hunting me down. It was weird.