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Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 2nd, '19, 22:24
by Akili Li
I'm so sorry to hear about D! That is such a difficult thing for everyone around the person who is gone.
(Or, I don't know your specific local culture's regards to death/grief/suicide, maybe you have a healthier environment for that where you are. Here, there's a funny thing going where it's not at all socially acceptable to be angry or mad at the person who is dead -I think it stems from how they can't defend themselves as they're gone- and of course in any suicide there's usually a lot of anger that will flare up now and then, and then there's no healthy way to express it without it getting blown out of proportion and meaning more than it does, and it just... it gets even messier than grieving already is.
Oh dear, that sounded so garbled.
I guess it boils down to, I hope that everyone D left behind has the support they need. It was just phrased poorly)
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 2nd, '19, 23:34
by jacobgrey
It was kinda difficult. Moreso for the fact that we had lost touch with him over the past few years, so we had a bit of guilt over the fact that we weren't there for him. It was super sad though, because his partner then killed herself as well a few days later. She had two kids from a past relationship which she left behind. So it's all a complete mess, really.
I am totally all for being pissed at people who kill themselves, because it's a really selfish thing to do. In D's case it was different, though. He'd been on a lot of drugs from even before I knew him, and even though I think he had cut back to just smoking weed for several years, it did a lot of damage to his brain and his psyche. He was completely delusional and he basically believed that aliens were hunting him and they were trying to take his soul or something. So in a twisted way he believed he was saving himself, or it was the only way he could escape, or some kind of logic like that. It's such a shame that no one got him any help. He was kind of screwed up when we knew him but we were under the impression that he was doing better, he'd been through rehab and stuff. I guess no one got him actual psychiatric care though.
And it all played out in the fact that J posting on Facebook about having been to the funeral then lead to a whole ton of D's friends messaging him to ask what had happened, because D's family hadn't even told nearly anyone. The only reason J knew is because they used to be in a band together in high school. But people who were even closer friends with D, and more recently, had no clue anything had happened. Kind of suggests that his family weren't exactly paying much attention to him over the last ten years or so, if the only people they could think to contact were his high school friends. Then of course J had to deal with explaining over and over again, which hit him pretty hard.
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 2nd, '19, 23:42
by Akili Li
Oh, that is so rough, I'm so sorry. I hope those poor kids had some relatives on one side or another who can give them a good home. Leaving kids behind, that's just... messy doesn't cover it. Although, if she's the sort of person to leave them like that, maybe it's not so terrible that they'll be exposed to a new, hopefully better rolemodel growing up, because that's not really the sort of thing you ever want to see passed on to new generations. I REALLY hope that at least they are getting the kind of psychiatric help that D and his partner didn't get.
Being the bearer of news like that is rough, too. Did J end up writing it all up and posting it somewhere he could just refer people to, or did he try and do it the hard way and respond to all those messages individually? I admire the latter approach's individual touch, but I don't think I'd have the emotional strength to do it!
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 3rd, '19, 04:16
by Nankuii
Chrizine: Honestly, I have no idea! I was on and off with becoming a teacher, so even that's on the list lol
jacob: Oh... wow, I wasn't expecting to hear about his partner, so sorry to hear that :( And really hoping for the best with the children.
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 3rd, '19, 13:06
by Chrizine
Understandable :) You'll figure it out once the time comes (at least that's what I tell myself, too :P).
jacob, that does sound like a huge painful mess :(
I, too, hope the children are receiving all the support they need.
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 3rd, '19, 18:02
by jacobgrey
J was replying one by one, in the end he just had to turn his phone off for a bit to make it stop. I told him to maybe copy and paste it from person to person so he at least didn't have to think about it new every time.
I don't know about the kids really but at least they weren't his biological children, so they do have their father to fall back on. Just a bit rough to know that your dad didn't want to look after you in the first place and now he's being forced to. I'd say there's probably a 0% chance they grow up without psychological damage from all of this.
Anyway, moral of the story/PSA: don't do drugs, kids 
Even if it doesn't kill you or get you in trouble while you're doing it, there can still be consequences.
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 4th, '19, 08:06
by Nankuii
Oh, haha, yeah! Don't do drugs :c
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 4th, '19, 12:53
by jacobgrey
The one thing that came out of this is me and J having a horror story to tell our kids so they won't get tempted lol.
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 4th, '19, 13:20
by Chrizine
That is a good takeaway message...
Re: Candy Caravan Chat
Posted: Feb 7th, '19, 12:23
by Myste
He's ba-a-ack.
Good, I can finish picking up the extensions.