Hey guys. Sorry i disappeared, but you know. I wasn't really in the mood for colorful things and chatting. Actually, on Monday I had a full on breakdown. But I managed to put together a (probably poor) poem in memory of my grandma. Writing it was difficult but at least it got some of the emotion out. Then I panicked and broke down again because I still had to order the bouquet of flowers (not sure of the name in English, it's that huge arrangement of flowers that you lay on the grave right after the burial rite, are those called bouquets?). I never had to order that before and the reality just got to me. But I did it and it was a really nice bouquet of white flowers. It was the only white one and it kind of made me feel a little bit proud that it was standing out.
Then on Tuesday I decided to destress by replanting my plants and planting the new ones that I got. That took me a whole day.
And the funeral was yesterday. I cried through the whole mass and I think I might've been the most crying one in the church overall. People were staring at me as we were walking out of the church and in my mind I was like "what? It's my grandma's funeral, of course I'm crying my eyeballs out, why the hell aren't you crying?!"
Then I promised my sister K I'd call her through FB so she could be there for the last rite at least and see dad and all that. I felt super stupid holding the phone, but it was the least I could do.
There was no wake, because covid...

My dad is better. Just a minor cough and slight spikes of temperature once in a while. But other than that he's only heartbroken. He's out of quarantine and they prescribed him some meds and he has to give himself some sort of shots in the stomach. He even thanked my mom for coming to the funeral. And his aunt also thanked her. Divorced and all, they didn't part on good terms so i guess it was a big deal for them.

*internet hugs for Memoriam*

Thanks guys

I visited dad today, we ate some frozen pizza and drank blue tea. I also helped him install some programs for making music. Hopefully it will give him something more to do than just sit, mourn and worry.
It wasn't an easy install either, so I guess it's worth a confetti rain? I miss making those and I need them in my life. So yeah. Visiting dad and spending time with him nicely and productively deserves a confetti rain.

*agressively throws confetti all over the thread*

I also picked up that book I began reading in 2020 and never finished. So that's another *confetti rain* for ya.
And for buying and successfully planting my new plants I shall throw them *confetti rains*
And for putting make-up on to make myself feel better *confetti rain*
And for consciously deciding my brother-in-law is not and never will be my problem and realizing I always have the choice to leave any situation I'm uncomfortable with (not only with him, but also in general) *confetti rain*
And also for the first lucid dream from a few nights ago, even though I didn't manage to control anything (or can't remember), but at least I didn't wake up once I realized I'm dreaming *confetti rain*
And let's throw just one more for overcompensating with confetti *confetti rain*

Do you guys have any confetti-worthy events? Let's confetti this place up.

Confetti rain for both of you!