Kingdom of Knuffel

When people tip horribly, I sometimes want to return it, and say, "This is not worth the time I put into making your meal as great as possible. Take it, and have a good night"

I think I'm really sick but I'm afraid that if I say something people will call me an attention seeker. So now I don't dare to go to a doctor to have it checked out. :}

I know there's others like me, and others who have it worse.
But that doesn't make me feel any better.

Why do I care? I feel like I shouldn't, but I do.
I wish I was one of those people indifferent to this.

I feel like I'm trying to make myself hurt more, I know that I shouldn't trust this person and a lot of things said are really fishy. But there are a lot of times where I just don't care and am just happy to hear those things said, even if there a lie. There's only a few days left until sunday and then I'll see the truth, if I get screwed over and hurt or not. If I do, it's not like I'll have anyone in my corner... I stop asking people for advice because they get irritated at me but all I want is not advice but to give me clarity so I can make the decision. I feel like everyone is leaving me and pushing me away and moving on and I'm just left here alone to fend for myself. I think this has sort of turned into an inferiority complex in which for long stretches of time I tend to forget about it because for the moment I seem happy so it doesn't cross my mind until people start to walk out again. I hate when people also just call out my faults, because it just makes me feel even more inferior to others who don't have those problems and also seem seemingly nauseatingly perfect. And the last thing in my pitiful rant is that I feel in my gut that I am in a hard streak of depression but it's not in my power to go to the doctor, and when I do go because of the flu or fevers and I tell them about it they just disregard it and ignore me and pay attention to the physical things not the mental things that go on that I tell them that I have a feeling I may be afflicted with. I just don't know what to do I feel as if I'm this failure who won't be able to be happy or proceed and better myself through life.