Kingdom of Knuffel

I don't think you're lazy, at all - I know how hard it is.

You're both so lovely and your hearts are tender - it's why things effect you like they do. Be gentle with yourselves but also, stop letting the bad outweigh the good. If you have to fight to see it, isn't it worth it to do that?

You're doing good Mem, keep going! It feels like it'll never end, it'll always suck, it won't. It might take longer than you think you can bare but just keep going.

But why is it so super hard? It hurts QnQ I think I'm lazy. I dunno. I should trying doing those afformations and mental exercises Katherdante recommended, I couldn't find the time to sit and write, there's always something to do, or I'm too tired and my brain is dead
And there's always something new popping up that will stress me out and I don't know how to stop myself

It's super hard because believe it or not right now, you can handle it. It's a trial, it's not fair but that's what it is. I could quote a million and a half affirmations but until you believe in your heart, and truly, not just on the surface but truly in your heart that you deserve to be happy - things will be hard.

You gotta pick your battles girl! Not everything has to be fought, some things need to be walked away from and forgotten. Somethings truly aren't worth your time. You have to get better at recognizing or just accepting that hey, this is dumb, i'm over it, bye. Don't let it control your life, you're in charge, act like it. Shit sucks, find something else to focus on. Make yourself happy. Force yourself to sit and write, even if you're tired. Your mental health is worth five minutes a day, shoot - two minutes today, maybe three tomorrow, maybe one minute the next day, just keep trying, keep going. And when you're going, be proud of yourself for trying - even just a tiny little bit. One minute is better than no minutes and I promise if you start and you push, it'll become easier and things will become habit.

People who aren't successful with dieting do this - they have a bad day so they say ah shit, i'm done for this week. No, you messed up, pick yourself up right now and get back on track.

It's hard. It sucks - don't focus on that. Focus on trying, focus on being proud of yourself for even trying. Even just a little bit. A little bit matters.

Listen to this song - for real, listen to the words.


and now this one - for real, listen to the words


You guys are precious people, let that sink in.

Ah, man, you kicked my guts. In a good way. Today at work I even watched this thing: Japanese method of overcoming laziness. And it was basically that one-minute rule. Whatever you want to achieve, start doing it one minut a day. No less, no more. Then you'll start enjoying it, and you'll do it for longer periods, and it will become a habit and you'll achieve your goals. So exactly what you meant, I believe.
Man, I just realized I wasted an hour on watching cat videos about breeds, cause I'm carving a cat today I guess... *mental slap, facepalm and headdesk* I could cuddle a cat right about now >n>

It's hard for me to be proud for trying because, well... bf brings me down tbh. Whenever I say "hey, I did this and that, I'm proud of myself!" and half of the time he'll say "too bad you kinda started late". So I feel like he says "you're trying is not good enough". Of course it's not always like that. But he seems to be like that in the more serious situations, like that philo exam of mine. While I need the most support about it, he keeps saying "you had the whole year to study and you didn't". Well, that makes me want to quit studying alltogether. I'm sorry I'm a procrastinator, at least I started in a moment when I still have some chances of actually learning something in time.
I'm too insecure, I need constant support and confirmation on my actions. He just keeps kicking me.

Edit: I posted and saw the songs and listened... And I can't listen to them because tears X'D It's beautiful but I guess I have to open my head for it to sink in. And I don't feel precious right now, I feel like I'm on the highway to failure I just have to keep going then to prove myself wrong

I'm glad I kicked your guts? <3

Cat videos are very much a necessity for living. Whenever I get down, Alan almost always resorts to cute animal video's on youtube and I don't even realize it but it's like free medicine.

It's unfortunate that you're bf isn't supportive - i'm sure you tell him what you need from him, right? He's just unable to give it? Men, in my opinion, which is just my opinion, but men have a hard time showing their feelings - being soft. Society has taught them to not be wusses and I imagine it's hard for them to find a balance that makes them truly happy with themselves.

You won't always need constant support and hey, if you do? That's who you freaking are! And that's fine!

Music always helps set a tone - I love both of those songs, they both give me goosebumps.

Glad, too

My bf distracts me with cute animal videos whenever I'm too sad or in pain, like during period. Though they are his last resort, he tries many other things on the way

I've told him many times, but I don't think he really understands that's actually what I need. I noticed that lately he's been acting like he knows better what I think, what I feel, what I want. And he's been missing a lot of those guesses. Luckily he doesn't force me to do the things he thinks I want to do, so that's good.
I'm not sure whether he was joking to make me laugh and I've been just insecure and took it seriously, but... lately I feel he's treating me like a child.
And on top of that, I got lost today, and I needed him to navigate me over phone -.- So it just proved him right
But I'm sure you're right about men having trouble in showing their feelings. Ash is fine when everything goes well, but when shit hits the fan, he doesn't want to talk.

I'm not so sure if that's fine.. D:

You know the song is good when you get goosebumps listening to it

I'm super exhausted today.

A few nights ago, around 4am, I woke up because there was a tick crawling on me. Sadie sleeps in bed with us and I guess it's that time of year. I vowed that the dogs weren't allowed outside anymore but gave in yesterday. Well, we inspected her and Charlie and found none on him but two on Sadie. And then at 2:30am this morning, I had a tick crawling on me. I've been awake since then - after getting about two hours of sleep? So I laid back down around 8am and tried to fall asleep but i'm having problems with restless legs and I cannot fall asleep. So Sadie is laying next to me on my pillow and I look and there's a black spot on her leg. Another tick.

I just can't. I'll die if I find one on the baby - they're not going out, i'm going to bathe both of them with medicated shampoo in a little bit and i'm washing all the bed sheets - but did I mention i'm going on like 2 hours or sleep? It's almost noon. I know this will pass but i'm just - I don't even know what I am right now.

So mad. I cannot wait to get the heck out of these woods and back in to a city where there are no ticks! First it was bedbugs and now it's ticks crawling on me while I try to sleep. How am I supposed to sleep peacefully? Arghhh!

Sorry
/rant

Wow, no wonder you're so stressed! I mean ticks can be really dangerous! I kind of admire you for feeling them crawl on you, I'd probably sleep through it and get some nasty disease I wouldn't sleep well either if I were you

And you had bedbugs?! What kind of butthole are you living in?

I'm also kind of tired, but mostly because I wanted to get my medical examination today, and I had to not eat or drink for about 15 hours, but then it turned out they didn't have the necessary equipment (even though I was told from 2 sources that they do), so they gave me three more addresses where they would totally have it for sure (so I've been told). But I've called all the places, and they don't, so I give up. I'd have to call some hospital probably, but that examination isn't a necessity, just for making sure, so I think I'll just pass on it

Oh, Raine, are you getting depressed? ;A; You should really try going out more and relax a bit, you make me worried

That fight sound pretty bad. Are you guys okay?
And if Kyle wants to take you out to see some people, let him. You don't have to talk to people, you can sit with him and his friends/whoever you'd meet and listen to their conversations, laugh at what they are laughing, and if you don't get it, ask Kyle. That's how exist in social outings. I don't have real life friends (besides my bff, who's far away and mostly busy, so we hardly ever meet), so if I meet up with people, it's Ash's friends. And I mostly talk to Ash, his friends don't really interact with me and neither do I. Try just being next to him and you should be fine
And about you being insecure and worrying what they may think about you? They are just as insecure and worried as you, so stop worrying so much, it will make your life easier :)
I know it's hard to do, but please try it once in a while.

I hope your hiking goes well!

It is stressfull ;3; But I'm trying to manage. I did to talk to my mom yesterday (since it was mother's day for us) and we even agreed to meet up in 2 weeks to clean that old room of mine, so Ash and I can move in :) Something's moving at least XD
Complaining helps me a lot, too. But I can't keep complaining to Ash, he gets so sick of it and he calls me hateful and such. But I'm not really hateful, I just happen to have issues with a lot of tiny things other people don't seem to mind at all and I have to sometimes just talk about it more than once XD" #neurotic #letitgo