I'm the same way Moi, it sucks when eating becomes something so stressful. I was bad with it even when I was quite skinny, and it's worse now that I gained some weight throughout quarantine. I have a problem with putting like empty boxes back in my cupboards so people won't see the packaging in my garbage/recycling and judge me.

I told my therapist this and she was just like "...why is your family looking in your garbage in the first place?"

And that's when I realized maybe there's a reason I ended up this way LOL

My mother used to check my garbage too, and then she'd confront me about whatever she saw - specially if it was food.
Instead of putting boxes back in the cupboard, I would fold them as much as possible and put them inside any other box which was already in the garbage so it was concealed from curious eyes.

I think that's part of my unhealthy relation with food.

But you know the sad part?
I still do it.
I do it in my own home, where I live with a lovely man who would not judge me for overindulging (probably would just say "hey, why didn't you share?").
It's just a matter of shame, a shame so ingrained that it's so hard not to feel it. Even when nobody is actually looking.

Because those are not rational attitudes.
We are animals after all, it has to show sometimes. Survival instinct and stuff.

Yes, that's an incredible instinct.
When you get on a plane, one of the instructions they give you is that - in case of accident - you must use the oxygen on yourself before you attend to the children.
Otherwise that would be the natural thing to do - but most likely both would end up dead...



Btw I'm getting a new gerbil friend for Ricky tomorrow!
I must get the cage ready!

That's exactly the question.
Because kids on their own are less likely to survive, while an adult may save some if not all of them.
But it's hard being so rational.



Yes, we decided to follow on the joke of the first name.
I wrote it as Ricky because that's how it would sound like, but in Spanish it would be written as Riqui. It comes from riquiño (male adjective) or riquiña (female adjective) which means cute, nice in a sweet way.
We had shortedned to remove the part which means the gender, since we did not know it at first.

So the new one, who is gonna be younger, will be Peque. As in pequeño (small).




And today I spent the whole afternoon figuring out their split cage ^^;
But now I'm done!!