Kingdom of Knuffel

"I'm going to make an honest confession too. All this time, I've been avoiding talking to you about my past, but I feel that I have to tell you, even if you end up hating me."

His words made my heart beat faster, but for a different reason this time. Holmes had said that after Izumi betrayed him, he could no longer trust women and lived a life that was "the complete opposite" of a priest's. Just what did he mean by that?

Holmes sighed. "After that...falling apart with Izumi, I became sort of twisted. I chose a woman who had a boyfriend and got closer to her," he said, not looking in my direction.

When he says he "got closer to her," he probably means in the adult way.

I silently awaited his next words.

"I was really shocked that I'd lost my girlfriend, who I'd treasured in my own way, to a man she'd met on a group date of all things. I was blind to my own shortcomings, and perhaps I wanted some sort of revenge. That said, I never actually dated the woman I got close to. I imitated seduction techniques, and when I saw how easily she fell for me despite having a boyfriend, I became even more distrustful and disillusioned. It's terrible, isn't it?"

It was terrible, in many ways.

"In reality, I'm a black-hearted, dirty man -- a far cry from a Christian." He sighed.

I couldn't say anything in response to his past, which he was revealing to me for the first time.

"Sorry, I really am the lowest of the low," he continued. "I sometimes wonder if I'm worthy of you."

After a moment of silence, I said, "But that means you aren't committing anything like adultery, right?"

"Adultery?! N-No, of course I'm not. I reformed myself after I started going out with you. But you're disillusioned after hearing my story, aren't you?"

"No, um, how do I pot this... It was within the scope of my imagination," I mumbled.

"What?!" He looked up at me.

"I was worried that you might've been having an affair or something. Older women tend to like you, you're black-hearted, and you have a lot of opportunities to meet rich people, so I thought you might've been manipulating rich married women. I didn't know what I'd do if you said you had a lot of affairs..."

"He dropped his forehead onto the pew in front of us with a thud.

"Holmes?"

"You're as harsh as ever, Aoi. Since I'm black-hearted, you thought I was having affairs with several rich married women?" He chuckled as he remained slumped over, seeming genuinely amused.

"S-Sorry. But I wasn't that far off, was I?"

"You're right. I didn't have an actual affair, but your guess wasn't too far off the mark." He looked up. "What would you have done if I had had several affairs like you thought?"

I didn't know what to say. What would I have done?

"I'd be shocked, but like I confessed just now, I'm a sinner too, so..." I smiled feebly.

Holmes pulled me towards him by the shoulder, and before I knew it, he was hugging me tightly.

"I'm realizing again that I'll never be able to win against you, Aoi"

"That's not true."

"No, it is," he said, reverting to his Kyoto accent. "You look straight at me for everything I am, not averting your eyes from any side of me. I really can't get enough of it. So, thank you. I was a terrible person, but I want to take good care of you." He tightened his hold on me.