memoriam

Joined: Feb 14th, '11, 01:50 Posts: 19443 Hugs: 261349 Mood: Mood.
Location: Poland; in my bubble.
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For a long while now I've been cherrypicking the negative voice in my mind that tells me I'm and idiot because e.g. I didn't put my PC password right. So I pick that thought, I tell it a big fat NO, I'm not an idiot, I just clicked too fast and missed some letters, it happens. I type fast because I'm impatient and I care.
This way I'm trying to improve my self-esteem and it's working. I know it sounds silly and it's basically talking to yourself and finding an excuse to why you "failed" to do something "right", but even if I scold myself for something so trivial as a wrong password, I'll be a lot harsher to myself for something bigger, like being moody during pms and lashing out at someone.
It's important to start with those small things, the silliest ones and at first it felt super weird to just talk to myself like: *does some insignificant thing wrong* Idiot, you can't even do that. NO. I'm not an idiot, I'm human and humans make small errors like that. It's okay, and it's no big deal. I'll just try again."
And with bigger things, like lashing out, I'll just admit to myself that yes, I was wrong, I could've acted differently. So now the thing I can do to fix it is e.g. to apologize.
I give myself the right to "fail" and "be wrong" and to be "imperfect", 'cause that's my biggest problem. I want to be perfect and for people to like me.
The more I notice I'm the one putting myself down, the more I fight with it and the less frequent those negative thoughts are.
For you, it essentially shouldn't matter what your family thinks, because sure, they're the ones who put you down, but do you do anything to contradict that and protect yourself? Or do you just agree with them and tell yourself you're stupid for having anxiety over having anxiety?
What YOU think of yourself is so much more important than what other think of you, even if it's your family.
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