I need to rant about driving again for a little bit here.


So I had to take one of the Elders in to the DMV to get their handicap permit/dangler thing renewed, as well as their ID card.

One of my relatives had a car they could spare and drove it out last night and left me the keys and then walked home, and it was understood that as soon as the errand was finished it would be returned in a like fashion.

Except when they parked it for me to use, the space to park it in was on a steep incline, so naturally they used the emergency parking brake for added security.

They jammed it up so high and tight I couldn't get it undone.

I had to call yet another relative and wake him up and make him come out to undo it (at which point he could have taken the Elder himself, but we were HOPING he could have gotten a few more hours of rest since I had to be up anyhow... so much for that).

Which all delayed matters enough that the traffic had gotten heavy, and of COURSE the DMV is out in a county seat across highways and I am still shaking and we seriously considered having the Elder drive to and from the DMV instead, because I was that much of a mess and 94 year old reflexes are a problem but so are anxious drivers.

It was a debacle of relatively minor proportions, and yet emotionally it feels like the worst fiasco since Mimi died. I am a wreck right now, but not a literal wreck because thankfully we made it there and back.


Just... ugh. Even the stupid little things like a parking brake are enough to almost stop me, still.

I can easily relate to your problems with the emergency parking brake. I'm very weak physically, so it's not hard to set something up so much it won't budge when I'm trying to undone it. Be it the emergency brake or a jar...
I don't have problems like that only because I'm the only one using the emergency brake, since it's my car and I'm the only one driving it...

Also, driving the same car all the time actually helps a lot. Every car is a little different, even if it's the same model. It's much easier driving a car which behaviour you know well.

It's also easier diving your own car, since if something happens (something like bumping into a pole while parking, for example; serious car accident is still a serious car accident... ), you've damaged only your own property. Though that's not always possible...

I think in my case it also helped that my car is quite old and cheap (though in fine state for its years). My dad said to me he chose this car because of that, so it'll be easier on my nerves - I don't have to care about scratching it (so all that's left is to look out to not damage anything else).

Akili, don't get discouraged just because something stopped you. You still have to try, whenever you get a chance to! Just don't take too long brakes from driving - they'll make driving only harder.

It's gonna take some time, you just gotta keep at it until you get more comfotable.

This is sort of an older thread, but i figured i'd try to add a little bit of thought to it.

When i was first learning to drive i was extremely anxious and would get tense to the point that i'd wake up the next day sore. My dad was the one to teach me how to drive, but he was extremely strict. I knew he was a good driver, so if i didn't get his approval he would always say "If i can't trust your driving, you will never drive my vehicle and i will never invest in a car for you either." So rightfully so, my 16 year old self was scared i'd never live up to his expectations.

The way i overcame my fears of driving were really just to drive more and to specifically drive by myself. Having other people around just stressed me out even more. If you can go out during quiet hours of the day or even at night for a quick drive around your area it might help to settle your nerves because then you can just focus on you. If you're scared of highways, then night driving might also help because less people will be on the highway too. Now that i'm very comfortable with driving, i actually find night driving to be relaxing when i'm stressed and just need an escape.

It might also help to be driven by other people. Watch to see how they handle situations. Watch how they sit, where their hands are on the steering wheel. Are they a relaxed driver? How do they handle a 4-way stop, or a left hand turn at a light, or speeding up to merge into the highway. Watch what they do and picture yourself doing the same. Then try it out. Do you feel the difference between your driving and theirs? What do you need to work on to drive like them? And then go from there.

If you're worried about speed and reaction time, set some time for yourself to practice smooth braking. Find an open parking lot and set a course for yourself. Sounds silly i know, but i really found in the beginning that if i could learn to keep my speed steady and develop a skill at even braking, it made driving all the more easier because then you got to know your vehicle and could feel how much time you need to do something. Every vehicle is a little different, idk how to explain it, i just usually need a moment in every new vehicle to get used to the new experience.

I've become a very experienced driver from my beginnings at 16 to my nearly 24 year old self now. I've done several very long cross-country drives by myself spanning +36 hours a single way. I can handle any craziness city driving throws at me with crazy drivers and tight parking lots. I've driven through whiteout snow storms, heavy rain, sleet and hail, every weather imaginable. I'm the most confident out of all my friends when it comes to driving. And i've become very relaxed when i drive, but also a very steady driver. I don't jerk the wheel or have choppy braking. I would describe myself as a confident but aggressively defensive driver, meaning that if i need to take my space i will but i am observant enough to not do anything recklessly. But none of this stops my dad from still picking apart everything i do when he's in the passenger seat. I also treat my vehicle like my baby lmao, i take such good care of it because i think a big thing is being able to trust the machine you're using too. As soon as i sense something is off, i take it right to the mechanics and get it worked on.

my best advice is practice, practice, practice. Do the little things first and you'll see a change in the overall picture. But you need to get out and experience driving firsthand. Either as the driver or as a passenger. Be observant and try things out. If you can do lessons, then a good instructor will also explain how to approach things like parallel parking, or backing up into a parking spot etc...

I hope this helps a little, or at least gives you something to think about! :)