Okay I was rereading this thread, and Moi's story from her grandpa about the driver and the cop made me remember a story-joke from I-don't-actually-remember-where. I think an old roommate told it to me, but I'm not sure where she got it from.



Anyhow!


So a woman and her husband go out camping, and he's really into fishing and she's more of a reader but likes the outdoors so it usually works out pretty well -he brings fishing gear, she brings a few books, they head out to the wilderness and each enjoy their own thing.
They portage and paddle into the parklands, and get a nice camping spot set up on one of the smaller islands of a lake. Next morning she sleeps in and her husband loads the canoe up with his fishing gear and heads out early. By the time she wakes up, he's made a nice fish breakfast for them, and they more or less swap places -he heads into the tent for a nap and she takes the canoe back out on the water with her book, to float on the lake and read.
Every once in a while another canoeist will pass her and they'll exchange greetings and she'll go back to her book.
Except just before lunch time, the canoeist that greets her is a park ranger.
And he asks to see her fishing licence.
"Fishing licence? But I'm not fishing, I'm reading!"
"Well, right this moment that's true. But you have the equipment, and for all I know you could start any time, so you need a licence. And if you don't have one, I'm going to have to write you up for it."
She looks at him for a moment, and then says, "Oh, well, in that case I guess I'll have to write you up for sexual harassment. After all, you have the equipment, and for all I know...."

He left without giving her a ticket.

Heh equipment. She means his dong! (/childishness)

Got one!

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This piques his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.

However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, “I can’t believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!” The player smiled and said, “He isn’t that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”


Haaaa dogs. XD

But was the raccoon okay?!

I swear I never intended this to be a cat-centered thread of hilarity, but this one:





XD

I've got a big fat raccoon that comes and eats my stray cat food, and also an opossum. They are both super cute and I love watching them use their hands like peoples.

Okay the first one on that site (and yeah I guess it DOES mean not offensive at all, where's the offense I haven't found it?!):

Gotta link is too big, sry.

Funny comic and all, but I'm most hung up on how adorable that friggin' otter looks in his flower costume. XD

(At first I was like, "What's a ferret doing underwater?" but then I got it. )

Oh wow, been almost exactly a year!

A familiar pain:

i'll just post a cap of something i reblogged that i thought was funny.

I don't know what that is, but I'm sure it's demonic. XD

This comic raises more questions than it answers...

https://catsbeaversandducks.tumblr.com/ ... show-comic

(Do they fall asleep in all laps for the lap "dance"? Is it only because it's a human lap?)