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 Post subject: Alzheimer's
Posted: May 14th, '19, 07:56    


Mintyz

Joined: Dec 11th, '11, 14:59
Posts: 2225
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Location: Suomi
I need to vent a little and seek some advice.

My grandmother has alzheimer's and she is at the late stages of it. She cannot form coherent sentences anymore, she cannot eat on her own nor can she function on her own and the only people she recognizes are the people from her distant past, all other people seem to terrify her.
I'm at a loss on what to do. We were never close ,though that had more to do with her indifference towards my family than me not wanting to know her, but I go to see her because I feel like that's something I can do for her.

Still, everytime I do go to see her I can't help but to think that it would honestly be better for her to pass on. Since, in her state she just seems to barely exist and she seems scared of her surroundings and the people around her most of the time, it doesn't seem like living to me anymore. Yet, everytime I think that I feel guilty. I don't know and can't know what goes on inside her head so what right do I have to think that it would be better for her to pass away? It's starting to get exceedingly hard for me to go see her and that just makes me feel guiltier.

We've been told that she is getting worse and her time is running out. I really want to do all that I can to make the time she does have left as easy and comfortable for her as possible, but this is a situation that I've never been in before so I really don't know how to do that.
So, I'm asking if anyone has experience or knowledge on how to make life as comfortable as possible for people with late stage alzheimer's?

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 Post subject: Re: Alzheimer's
Posted: May 19th, '19, 17:23    


Sanssouci

Joined: Jun 29th, '14, 02:58
Posts: 3703
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Location: New York
I don't think you should feel bad for thinking that it would be better for her to pass. We don't know for sure what our pets are thinking. But most people think it's ok to put a pet down when the pet seems to be suffering. So I think it's actually a lot like that.

I don't have much advice on making her comfortable though.

My grandmother had Alzheimer's and passed away 10 days ago. She was a horrible person with a long history of child abuse, so she wasn't really close to anyone, I didn't see her the past few years, and I if I'm being really honest, I don't care whether she was comfortable or not. But my father and uncle said that she kept asking where her boyfriend was. He died almost 25 years ago. They printed out his obituary so that she could see it and know that he died. They thought that was helpful, but I thought it was cruel. I mean, she was so awful that I don't care how cruel anyone was to her. But I took care of my mother's best friend's mother when she got bad. And when she would call for her husband, I would say he'd be right back. I'm certainly no expert. But, if she doesn't remember that he died, then I saw no reason to remind her and make her feel the loss again, you know? I think that having her think that he will be right back is a lot more comforting.
Other than that, it might be comforting for her to hear names, stories, music, tv shows, movies, etc that are from the time when she was younger/that she remembers better.

Either way, don't feel guilty. Your feelings are normal and valid. There is only so much you can do to comfort her right now. And if it gets too difficult for you to keep going, that's ok too. I didn't even visit my good grandmother when she got bad because I wanted to remember her like how she was before. Some people might think that was wrong, but that was what I felt comfortable with, and I don't regret it. I dream about her often, and, in my dreams, she's always how she used to be.

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 Post subject: Re: Alzheimer's
Posted: Aug 9th, '20, 07:12    


Bunnei

Joined: Feb 17th, '09, 02:13
Posts: 4018
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Location: Oregon. U.S.
My grandmother ailed the same.
You need to mourn her now. she will not get any better then she is now. appreciate her now. love her now. cherish her now

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 Post subject: Re: Alzheimer's
Posted: Nov 3rd, '20, 02:50    


CrystalOwl

Joined: Oct 29th, '20, 11:12
Posts: 97
Hugs: 3032
Location: Seattle
I dont have advice for making her comfortable but i dealt with Alzheimer's and dementia with my great grandpa, but we had a solid relationship so it was definitely hard, he kept thinking i was a baby and it was heartbreaking, so ive been there.

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