I can relate 100% to this matter.

It's not that I don't enjoy my own company, or doing things on my own. But it's equally (if not more) pleasant to have a partner and\or a friend to share life with all that is there.

Often people say "you should be happy alone first" but usually hose are people who have family established and active social life. Sounds like a cruel joke from them actually.

Two years of covid also didn't do any good to lonely people :(

Absolutely! And I get it, you can take a look at my life and see I'm not "alone" but it's not the same as having that one important person who see's you as their "most important person"

Like, it's hard to find someone to go on holiday with, without feeling like a third wheel or separating a couple up.

I've loved living alone but it's just sometimes very soul crushing...

Yes! Holidays, trips, events and all this kind of stuff.
Almost all of my friends are married and have kids and going out with them is so awkward sometimes. Like "what the hell am I even doing here..."

It's truly hard to overestimate the importance of having love and connection on a daily basis.

This thing with the trend of open relationships is soul crushing too, actually. I've met some great people along the way, but this fast-food dating culture and denial of exclusivity and monogamy just doesn't work for me.

Yup exactly; I've been fearing for a while that I'm not doing well mentally but lately the 'alone' factor seems to have tripled and I'm feeling so down.

It's truly hard to overestimate the importance of having love and connection on a daily basis.

T H I S

omg 100x this
I feel so bad when I listen to my friends problems but the back of my mind continually says "at least you have a partner". I feel guilty for even thinking it but it's something I'm constantly jealous of.

I'm a terrible texter so online dating is awful for me too; I ghost people on accident and have too low self-esteem XD

I've been fearing for a while that I'm not doing well mentally but lately the 'alone' factor seems to have tripled and I'm feeling so down.

there's a lot of research that shows that loneliness is really detrimental not only to our mental health but to our physical health as well.

I used to hate myself for needing people and not wanting to be alone, but after some studying I understood that it's just the fact - we are social species and we need mates and stable social circle to thrive.

This doesn't make lonely evenings feel better though...

That makes sense; I really do love independence and living alone (with my cat lol) but nothing replaces that intimacy and I just wish I could have someone see me as a priority

I agree with the person who said that we are social creatures. I think that feeling that is completely natural, we all want to have a place to belong, sometimes we can share space with other people, but company without understanding generates a feeling of loneliness. We all need a person who is our ally who and be a team in life.

Feelings such as emptiness and loneliness tell us that we should keep looking, despite not being pleasant feelings, they are useful, they guide us.

Hello~ Just want to chime in here with some new thoughts.

I think the phrase "you should be happy alone first" is a bit misleading. How I see it isn't so much being happy alone, because nobody is happy alone, that's evolutionarily impossible.

However, what the phrase might be trying to say is that you should be happy with yourself first. This means building up self-esteem and confidence because that places you in a much healthier place mentally and will also reflect in your relationships. When we have low self-esteem, we tend to people-please and lose ourselves, this leads to really negative social cycles. :(

I'm currently going through therapy and it is really important to work on yourself and be, maybe not happy, but more assured of who you are that's for certain.

But I agree, "you should be happy alone" isn't the right phrase. I live alone (well, with 2 cats) and while I love my independence and the fact I have my own space it doesn't take away the empty feeling of having a specific person who see's you as their all.

It's still so rough when all you want is a cuddle sometimes ;_;