I always have this feeling that whatever I do everyone is judging and hating me.
and whoever tells me not to think that or whatever I do, it never stops...
sometimes it even makes me cry..

I want my best friend to help me. I have taken him up on his offer, which was to stay at his house to get a break from my family. I will go to his house tomorrow after school.

Sigh. I have been chanting that quietly in my head, but I'm afraid I'll just change my mind later if I don't. I don't want to trouble him and his family, but he says it's totally fine...why can't I believe him?

I wish he would stop asking me those annoying questions. I don't know what kind of answer he wants. I explain something to him and he gets all worked up and accuses me of not trying to answer the question.

((Since no one posted after me... Sigh...))

Do things become better from here on out? I don't want to believe that people have lied to me when they promised that things would become better as time goes on. I suppose I should stop being the spoiled brat and appreciate all the nice changes happening. But... I keep thinking something is off. I feel so paranoid. I don't know what I'm doing.

I post here a lot but I can't help it. I can never get those things off my mind. They stick to me, and they always pop up when I least want them to. I keep guilt tripping myself... It doesn't feel good, but I feel pretty helpless.

I'm so frustrated and angry when I keep working and trying to improve things and no one notices it... They take everything for granted, when I want so much to explode and let everything going.