I hate this so much and I hate myself right now to. I want to cry and I want to punch the wall to. I can't take it much sometimes. I hate this how words make me think of the worst of things. I ask and ask and yet the answer hasn't been said. I just hate this moment so much. I can't wait for it to stop already. My thoughts running wild thinking of many things might not really be correct. I snap at everyone and yet no one said it is fine they understand me. This feels so new like this isn't suppose to be happening to me. Maybe it all theses emotions inside of me being a total bitch in the ass. Just couple words make curl up and cry like a baby. Then there are words make me judge the person. Who am I to judge someone ? I'm no one really nothing special about me. Well there has been special things about me unique I guess you could say. But not the ones you be proud to tell the world. This body of mine isn't something I want to show the world. Even if I lose more weight and be really pretty and skinny do I really want to show someone my scars and marks on this body? Almost half deaf in one ear hard hearing sometimes I know must annoy my family by it having to repeat sometimes. I can't say my inside are beautiful thing about me. I don't feel beautiful from nowhere. I never have been that how I feel it right now. I'm so stupid to think this way but my feeling are so mix up right now. Just started innocent comment and yet somehow I feel like the end of the world. Nothing what you said more what I said what I think and how I feel. It so stupid I know it is but I'm just trying to understand learn to deal with this. Feels so different now I just want this week to go by faster already. I started to cry already I swear this so stupid really is. All I want is a hug right now yet I don't think I should be getting one way I been treating you. I don't know if sorry even counts sometimes. I feel like I keep disappointing you. I don't think nothing can fix what I said already. I'm sure you'll remember everything. I hate it so much. I just wanted to be healthy and be better. But I don't know if I'm liking the way my body holding theses changes right now. I'm really scared right now. I keep thinking I may end up pushing you too far away and I wouldn't be able to reach out and hold you. Theses are my feeling speaking again it isn't how I should be feeling right? I'm sorry truly am sorry for everything. Maybe I should try to keep it buried deep inside and take it out on myself and no one else I love so dearly. Please forgive me everyone I don't know what to do at this moment. I just want a magic wand and fix it all. Maybe tomorrow be a better day for me. I just really wish I don't snap at anyone anymore. I love everyone but I don't know how much more they be able to handle this changes going on with me. I hope they know I hate me to.

I wouldn't care if I died right now.

You're an asshole. I wish you would just shut up and stop invalidating others. I can't believe how long I stayed with you and your bullshit.