I don't even know that fanfic I just like the sound of the shortened name, is all XD

I know! QnQ she's a weird person in general xD

It's not a waste of either of your time. It's still a valuable experience even if it doesn't work out. I cross my fingers it will somehow. But anyways, don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel if you haven't already? See if he feels the same.

I didn't mean it lightly, like "meh, you'll divorce, no biggie" And I agree with you, people give up too easily and divorce for stupid reasons. I don't want to divorce either and I assume my bf doesn't too, so he's even more cautious about it. I'm personally terrified of divorce, mostly because I feel if it will ever happen, it will probably be my fault cause I'm the moody bitch here. I'm just scared I'm not good enough for him or that his patience will run out one day. And I'm trying super hard not to let this happen, not to let him down, but sometimes it can't be helped. I can't drastically change myself though I try for him every day. The best I could do would be to let him go. I just don't want to do it, I refuse to do it, I'm head over heals for him. He's my whole world and he's practically like a god to me (#blasphemy). I know he's had nightmares that he just woke up one day and stopped loving me and he was super guilty, so this must mean he's afraid of such things, right? Means he's serious about it all. If you don't want to divorce, try doing everything in your power to not let it happen. With your current bf, if you want to be with him for the rest of your life (married or not).

You mentioned you think your bf wants to get married and kids and all that and that you feel bad that you don't. But then you said you want the other party to be as serious about it as you are. So I'm not sure what it looks like for you two. I can only say you guys should talk about it someday, that's all. Maybe you just don't feel ready yet. Maybe you want to share your fears with him, that may be cleansing, it may happen he fears the same things.

Ugh, okay here was a whole rant about sex lives of people and sex problems an incompatibility of couples who didn't have sex until marriage, but let's just skip this part to "Just talk to him about those things" yet again I felt so rude, sorry Anyways, tell him you feel bad for not wanting this or that / not being ready yet, or how his mom makes you feel bad and what your fears are concerning your relationship. I'm not saying to tak to him now/today/anywhere near but when you feel put up with it all or you just feel ready to tell him. Unless you already did talk to him about those things.

Well, good. It's a very terrible fanfic. You should not look it up.

I've tried talking to him. At first we were pretty serious with our talks and he just said doesn't he deserve being with the one he wants to be with? And now he just sort of tells me I'm being silly and dismisses me. And I'm afraid I'll just annoy him if I keep bringing it up and then he'll get fed up and leave me. But then again, maybe that'll be for the best.

But a relationship can't be a one-handed-clap. You need the other person to try, too. And you can't control that. There's only so much you can do on your own. And it feels like, why bother?

lol on a more lighter note, though, once he confessed to having a dream where I was angry at him for spending too much time with another girl... except the other girl was also me. lol even in a dream where he's cheating he's cheating with me.

Okay, I won't XD

That sounds like he's just too afraid to talk about this, because maybe he thinks you'll come up with the conclusion that you should leave him, and he doesn't want any other than you. Maybe that's the reason he dismisses you. If you really care about talking things out, tell him it's super important to you and that you wish he took the talk seriously. Or you can just wait and see.

Yeah, if only one person is trying and the other is like "meh", it sucks and misses all the point of the relationship...I'm not sure what is the context of this tho? Who's the not trying side in your opinion?

Aww, that's so cute when thye do that But I think it means he really is into you and doesn't plan on breaking up anytime soon

Good.

I don't know. Maybe. We did talk about it today (for as long as I had his attention and for as long as I could keep level-headed about it) and now I'm afraid he'll come to the conclusion on his own that it'd be better if we split up. But then again, maybe that's for the better.

Well, my point is more that you don't know if the other party is trying as hard. Maybe both parties are trying. Maybe neither party is trying. But because you can't read people's minds you can never tell if they are trying as hard as they could, or if you're trying as hard as they are, or if they think you should try harder, or what. You can't understand each other 100%, no matter how close you are. I guess that's what scares me the most.

Maybe. But dreams aren't always reality, as Boyfriend says. I once had an identical twin sister who was also a gorilla in one of my dreams.

Oh my gawd, Sunlight, you're so pessimistic about it all Seems to me like you already gave up and wait for the inevitable breakup, lol.

Well, of course you can't understand each other 100% But the trick is to not only notice your own effort, but the other party's efforts too. That's how you know they do anything to improve. Though it's impossible to tell how much of the effort they give.
My bf tends to think one time isn't improvement, especially if you fail to imporove the next time (it's so hard to change old habits)... it disencourages me a lot. He notices any difference after years, so I'm in a bad situation I guess

Well, of course they're not reality, but sometimes they translate into it Brain processes information, including fears and feelings, so dreams like "I was cheating on my gf with my gf" can really mean he's scared to hurt you, for example by cheating on you.
Edit: Like my bf used to have dreams about how he stopped loving me and left me or that he cheated on me. We talk about those kinds of dreams when he has them, always ends up in him admitting he's just afraid of hurting me one way or another.

*peeks her head in*

Hi you guys! Sorry I've been away a few days. I want to keep up with your topic but my brain is so tired and I can't right now.

Things are going okay here. I still can't eat almost anything. Pretty much ritz crackers and tangerines are about the only things that don't make me sick. I tried to have some pasta for dinner and I put some puree'd spinach in it - these are things that don't normally bother me. Ugh, I had like 5 bites and I just couldn't anymore.

This coming friday we got get our second ultrasound and this time she should be roughly the size of an olive! I'll share a picture if you want.

Raine - okay, just the cute ones, got it~! I figured as much tho <3

Hey! I was wondering where you've been It's fine if you don't keep up with the topic

I'm sorry about your sickness tho, that sucks But spinach makes me blergh too (only I'm not pregnant, I just don't like spinach) xD

Oooh, 2nd ultrasound, that's great! I'd love to see the picture (though I'll probably miss the kiddo inside anyways ) And you made me crave olives now, I love olives, I'm at work, kyaaa!

Edit: And how do you always make such pretty avies!?

Hey! I think you make pretty avi's too!

Yeah, the sickness i'm hoping will ebb a bit once i'm able to stop all the extra meds i'm taking. My last day of meds is January 3rd, cannot wait to wake up on the 4th and not have to get shots at 6am and 6pm as well as various other unmentionables!

But the meds i'm taking apparently can make you nauseous and tired. So. Here's hoping!

Oh Mem, you'll see her - it's a sea of black and a little white thing that looks semi-human.

I usually love spinach, I put it in lots of things but not right now! I hate olives! Bleh! :P

Aw, thanks, you're so sweet!

Oh my, all those stuff, why? I hate shots, I would never be able to do them myself, to my or to anyone. My bf used to do shots to his mom, I still can't even imagine it
(Also, "ebb"? how do you pronounce this verb?)

Yeah, let's hope it's the meds and you'll be able to eat all the other tasty food besies tangerines and crackers xD I'm hungry just thinking about your current "diet" lol

Oh, okay, I shouldn't be that blind not to see her then XD

I figured you do It's still my most hated food with brussels right on the second place :P Back in kindergarten I only ate mashed spinach if they told me it's just green mashed beets (I still love them! ) XD I love olives, I could eat a whole small jar at once! But only the black ones, green aren't even nearly as good

It's just all part of the IVF Process - I guess since my body isn't or might not do it itself I have to take some supplements. I'm extremely thankful that Alan can do shots. He had training in the military so it's not a painful process but the aftermath is a bit!

Ebb - like ebb and flow? Umm..like Ed but with a b? I'm sorry

I was able to eat today actually! I think it might be more in my head than actually when I eat. My mind doesn't WANT things but then I eat them and it's mostly okay. I cannot wait for this phase to pass.

I love brussel sprouts! We have different taste buds, I don't like any olives and I can't stand beets!

Oh hey, Mem. When's your birthday? Is it October 20 - cause that's my birthday and I think we have the same birthday - different year i'm sure!