I agree, LittleJulez put it very well.

He might just feel pressured and panic because you put such concrete numbers before him. But a lot of the stuff he said sounds pretty hurtful. Now I don't know how he said it, maybe he just wanted to push away from the discussion with them? Not that that's a terribly good idea, mind you...

Anyway, trying to discuss the topic in a less emotional manner would probably help. And maybe not going into the discussion with "We both have these strong opinions and now we need to compromise" but more like "Having kids is a decision we should make together, so let's see if we can work out a plan we're both happy with"? That wouldn't set you up for a confrontation as much.

Thanks guys for your support. There's one thing I need to say though, it wasn't our first children talk. The last time (I wasn't even working then) I settled for "I do want kids with you someday, but we'll start thinking when we have our own place." And you know what, I get it and understand it completely. I would also prefer to have our own apartment when we start thinking about kids, but damn it, I wanted kids so badly since I was about 19 (already about 2 ears with bf then) and now I'm almost 24. I'm not getting any younger. I understand we should have some more stability, that's why I'm not talking to him about "I'm almost 25, let's make some kids", no. I'm trying to find out what he'll be comfortable with. But it seems he's comfortable just not talking about it at all.
I know we're not even close to getting a loan. We have at least another year of savings in front of us and I suppose more. If we're lucky, we'll have our place when we're 25. So he'll want to just live together for a while before he even starts thinking about kids. He knows how much I want to be a mom, but he still kind of avoids it and procrastinates. Because let's be honest, if he wants a healthy son (and I know he does), then we have more chances of conceiving a boy when we're younger and the chances get smaller with age. That's the smallest problem. Add pregnancy complications or more chances for an ill child that arise with the mother's age. Besides I don't want to give up on motherhood just because I'm "too old for this stuff and I'm too lazy and tired", that's why I don't want to have my first child at 30. I can settle for a second one then, but not the first.
And believe me, I tried not putting emotions into this (I didn't plan that discussion now at all, I wanted to think it over first and then try, be prepared and all that), but it's hard when you're trying to figure things out in the sacred haven of your head, while he sees something's bothering me and he asks questions and won't stop, and so when I tell him what I'm thinking about, he instantaneously gets irked and agressive.

So in the evening we were semi-normal again and today I even managed to say "I love you, I'm planning vcation with you, I'm planning an apartment with you, I even plan kids with you, though you don't want to plan them with me yet", all that with a smile and meant as a half-joke and he said "I'm glad you're planning it without me", in the same manner. So I'm kind of in a mind fuck state now. My brain tells me it's an invitation to an "accident", but bf is too careful with that. Even my mom told me to make an "accident", but I really don't want to. Though after I've heard him say it... let's say it became more tempting. But I'm still not really considering it for real, it's more of last resort "maybe I should" but really won't for my brain to finally shut the duck up XD

Oh my, that does sound frustrating for you mem.

I'd say try not to worry too much about the being older for pregnancy risks. Sure, a lot of things increase by a lot, but they're still really small risks no matter the age. Just because something might be twice as likely a few years later doesn't make it a huge thing if it was incredibly unlikely in the first place.

That doesn't change anything about you wanting kids soon, but maybe at least don't stress out over possible risks too much? If you're really worried about them, there's a lot of things you can do for yourself to minimize them in general, like being as healthy as possible when you do get pregnant.

That stuff about "planning this without him" - hm, to me it sounds a bit like he's just not someone who enjoys making (long-term) plans in general. Could that be?
I don't think the "accident" thing is a terribly good idea though ;)
But maybe he'll be more open to the topic once you two are in a situation that he considers suitable for having a child (like you having your own place). If it's really that he just dislikes the planning, maybe if you go ahead and say "well, how about now/soon?" once you're at such a point he'll be much more open to the idea?

It really is

I can't help it, I'm the worried type I try to be as healthy as possible. We're eating healthy and I try to work out at least once in a while (wasn't in the mood lately, oh well, I'm very sore after yesterday ><)...

Maybe he doesn't indeed. Though he's the analytical type, he analyses the shit of everything He does enjoy strategy and strategy involves planning... I assume it's just a very inconvenient topic and he simply doesn't want to plan it yet.
I plan to wait till we get more stable (that means I need to mentally prepare myself that my 25 plan is going to hell right now ), and I'll ask him then. Maybe when we move in, or maybe while we wait till the apartment gets done. It's not like we're gonna succeed on our first try, right? But I can tell you, I know his answer already. He'll say it's still too soon and that we should live by ourselves for a while before deciding. If he's gonna say so, I'll probably proceed with the "accidentally on purpose" plan Not an easy task, he's REALLY carefull. *puts down a box of baby penguins*

I figured you were very worried, yes ;) That's why I mentioned it at all. But really, most likely everything will be just fine. Even though don't worry is far more easily said than done, I know ;)

Hm, is he explicitly being careful? Does he suspect you to go for an "accident"? Or is he just very worried about the possibility of an actual accident? Maybe the thought of having kids already really just scares the shit out of him...

It's diablo difficult XD But I try. I'll be the most worried when/if I actually get pregnant one day

I don't think he suspects I would, I think it's mostly his analytical brain being all paranoid Hence he's very careful. Of course, it's only interrupted coitus (we don;t really use any other form of birth control, I observe my cycles, he slips out before ejaculating, that's it), so he takes into account that someday (hopefully, lol) we'll get busted, but over 7 years and still no accident, so yeah . Even when I do him in his sleep (I got special permission from him, lol XD) he slips out in his sleep when he's about to come (yes, he does stay asleep, it's very hard to wake him up XD). And I did put a condom on him anyways, to prevent some "accident" we actually indeed cannot afford. So yeah, it's deeply rooted in his brain ;>_> I do think he's not really ready yet, but we could make some hypothetical plan, right? It's really no harm to talk about it. At least for me.
He told me yesterday he's afraid he won't be able to provide for the family, because I want to stay home with the child and so on... And yes, I would love to, but I never told him that as in "I will", but more as in "I would if I could". I do suspect we won't be able to manage this way financially, so I told him he should be asking me this stuff and not just assume what I'll do, because I once or twice told him I would like to do stuff some way. The realistic view I consider is: we'll both have to work, so the child (after my maternity leave) will have to be under care of someone in a nursery. So he calmed down a bit at that, and then said that we'll have to decide on public or private nursery and he was at it again XD
So see? He doesn't even talk to me about the important stuff, even if he thinks about them, he doesn't tell me. So that also pisses me off, there's just no dialogue, he keeps his own thoughts to himself, even if they concern us both >_> hm, I should tell him that, but I'm trying to keep things normal again so.... maybe later, when we go to sleep or something, I'll gently mention it.

So much serious talk in here :O

I think you two have two different ways of dealing with things, the typical gender-thinking-ways, in my opinion.
You, being a woman, like to talk things out as you think about it 24/7 (at least it seems so). You do not want to keep your thought for yourself as you think it is sth which concerns you two (I agree on that, but.).
He, as a man, does not want to talk things out into detail as he gets scary thinking about everything like that. The bare fact that he and you are thinking about children is already frightful for him, it seems, and now you even want to talk about it (constantly), which scares the sh*t out of him (my impression).
And I actually can understand him more than I do understand you.

You see, you have rather positive feelings towards a pregnancy, and he has a negative perspective on it (at least at the moment). Imo the important thing for now would be make him feel comfy and positive about it. There are of course several ways to do that, one would be talk it out, take the pressure and worries of him (but this seems not to work with him, obviously, him being evasive and such). So the other option would be to let him be. Sit down, talk one last time for the next few months and say sth like 'hun, let's leave it for now, but please keep in mind that it is really one of my deepest desires to have children with you as soon as possible. I respect your position, so let's talk about it when we live alone for a few months, kay?'. This is what I would do in your place, but of course it's on you to decide what to do next :3

And please, do not even think about the accident pregnancy, please don't. This would be a HUGE mistake, he would never trust you again if he finds that out and I am sure he will, such things always come out.

Heeey, I'm not talking about it constantly to him I'm soon turning 24, which is close to 25 so I began feeling insecure again, is all x.x
And I left him be the last time, and I gave up also this time...

And no, these things don't always come out, my dad never found out I'm a "child on purpose" ^^;
But with Ash, he would know, I'm pretty sure about it. Unless I'd pull off the greatest act in my life like "whaaaat, how did this happen, omg, you were so careful! 8U hon, I think our luck is over, 'cause I'm preggers uB" Besides I really wouldn't want to do it. If he finds out (and I'm pretty sure he would), our relationship would be ruined. And I want a full family, not just a child.
Although today I made a half-joke about how he doesn't want to talk about these things with me and so maybe he just tells me he will keep my opinion and desires in mind while he knows he'll do stuff his way.... And he didn't object. When I called him out on it, he said "I didn't feel like objecting". So it's scary TT~TT

Sounds good mem :) I am sure you two can handle it somehow!

Oh really? Well, I have never heard of women getting pregnant "by accident" although they planned it. And like you said, if you want a family you two have to be totally honest with each other :3

Going to meet with some colleagues today and going to drink a coffee with a friend afterwards. My parents will pick me up tomorrow, we're going to do a little shopping, going to eat sth and then drive home. Going to stay there Wed-Sun, the longest time since ages. But I planned many things with friends and I wanna play Wii, finally, again :3