Umm. I can't predict how much of the seat I'll use. When did we go from talking about a theoretical hype man to talking about you?

Do you trust the internet with your money? Aren't those the sort of things that crash and leave you with nothing? Or is that something else?
I didn't get the link? I don't have that much money to spare, though, and if I did, it would be going toward MY student loans. You know, those things that aren't paid off yet.

Charity is good, but getting to choose who you lend to individually... feels weird to me. It sounds like the Republican fantasy of being rich so you can give presents to everyone you think deserves one and leave everyone else poor. How do you pick who gets your microlend? I would be emotionally damaged.

The Parkinson's is from the dill. There's a whole list of smells that are Parkinson's warning signs if you can't smell them, and dill was the only one I know I can't smell, and it was pretty far down on the list. I'm trying to not be super worried about it. Stupid internet.

Why did you not warn me about the psychosis???? I go around telling people about my weak nose! They've all been assuming I've been bragging about my psychopathy, haven't they?

I'm reading an anthropology paper, and one of the cited authors is named "Bonabeau". The non-human primates are getting surprisingly bold about their contributions to science.

The sacrifice I'm willing to make is to run your dating app profile and hype the candidates. That is how we made that perceived transition.

It's hard for a diversified portfolio to crash. The different investment classes aren't usually correlated, which is the point of including more than one class. Unless we are hit by a worldwide depression. Then even the natural resources, real estate and foreign investments would probably go down.
Maybe it went in your spam. I can always send you another one later, once you have non-negative money and I can show you all of my fabulous new wealth built by investing.

They disburse the loans before they post them, so you're really funding the next loan they will make. Your choices don't affect who gets loans. It doesn't even matter if a loan isn't fully funded on the site - it's already been disbursed and is covered by the last round of loans. The inspirational stories are just there to get people to put their money in by making you feel good. They know their targets - guilty white people. I feel much better after throwing my money at other people's problems. I like to pick borrowers who are building infrastructure for their business or buying agricultural inputs like seeds or calves, and pretending my choices matter while knowing they don't. I will get the repayment from the person I choose, though, so it is slightly related - one woman has started her repayments already, and I am very happy for her. I got $0.76 back.

Sorry. I figured everyone spent as much time surfing Wikipedia for serial killers as I have.

Well then, by all means, hijack that profile. To the extent of searching for men, that is. Don't make an actual profile for me. If you advertise my likeness on the internet I'll sue you.

I got the email this time. It was a very professional email. I'm still not going to invest my negative money, but I'm impressed by the email.
You have real estate investments! Now all you need is, um, golf.

Wow, that is an extremely clever guilt mechanism. I wish you well on your Pokemon journey. I hope your money goes toward many a cow and seed.

The Wikipedia page mentioned their poor sense of smell?

No comment on Mr. Bonabeau, huh? I guess the chimp lobby already silenced you.

I don't know how to do that. You'll need to start me out with a profile I can edit. I'm pretty sure a profile is required to search for men seriously.

I didn't resend it. It must have gotten lost in the internet. Just save it until you can invest - the $5000 free management is always a good thing to get. And I refuse to do any full sized golf. Only mini.

It is. I got $0.79 back already, remember. People are being positively impacted by my money. Want me to invite you? I think I get a reward for that, too. You can invest as little as $25.

I did a general search on serial killer mentality to go along with the specific killers. It resulted in fewer descriptions I had no desire to ever read.

I missed it! I would have commented if I'd seen it. I'm sure it's Dr. Bonabeau to you, lowly grad student. Would the chimps and the bonobos share a lobby? Do they have the same values? What about the Strepsirrhini? Do the chimps give adequate representation to the aye-aye?

I suppose you do need to have answered match questions to do any proper searching. I have a profile on OKC already. Just find it. I'm sure you can break in, given how much you know about my username and password habits.

Yay, I love storing emails for ten years! Because that's how long it's going to be before I pay off these freaking student loans. Probably.
You enter the world of investors, you play the golf. That's how it works. Non-optional.

These loans don't have interest, do they? That would be uncomfortable. I'd be happy to put some money toward it, but I don't think I want the experience of choosing which loans to associate with.

My own taste in morbid fascination runs more toward unsolved crimes. More heebie-jeebies, less useful information.

I don't think bonobos can get PhDs. Unless they have their own accredited institutions?
I assume chimps and bonobos share a lobby for historical reasons, given that they were not distinguished until recently, and have been involved in science for much longer. I'm not sure if they would care enough to include anyone outside the ape club. I bet even their inclusion of gibbons would be grudging.

Obligatory comment about the non-festivity of your avatar.

if I can actually break in I will be very uncomfortable

It only took me four serious years of repayment and you make more money than I do. How does that equal ten years?
The mini golf. Sure.

You don't earn any money from the loans. Rarely you lose money if someone defaults on a loan, but it's $25 at most and most people don't default. The interest is how the field partners operate. I'll pick your loans if you want.

I only like solved crimes. Unsolved crimes are annoying.

Have you ever asked one if it has an accredited institution? Rude. Have they been able to distinguish for longer than we have? I would assume they administer their own lobbies. Perhaps there are separate lobbies but they traditionally act as a coalition due to their limited bargaining power. Hence the grudging inclusion of gibbons.

Obligatory comment about your face.

Enjoy your discomfort, then.

But you were making money in undergrad. I was, mostly, not. So you started grad school in a better position than me.

Or I could just give you the money and you can do charity through your account with so much more money! Everyone wins! How do I give you money? Serious question.

I'm not an anthropologist, so I don't talk much to the bonobos. They don't stray far from their home disciplines, as far as I'm aware. Perhaps that's how all these pernicious rumors get spread about whether or not they have accredited institution and their attitude toward the gibbons.

Today at the 1st year grad student seminar I learned that I'm the only one in my cohort who automatically optimizes my game strategies. We did two different game theory exercises, and the first time there were two of us who hit on the optimal strategy, and the second time I was the only one. Now, GRANTED, the optimal strategy in the first game was not the most successful strategy, because everyone else had behaved irrationally, but I still think that's more everyone else's problem than mine. I expected them to be rational.
I should put that on my OKC profile. "Optimizes game strategy under contrived conditions."

Also, I'm trying to plan my novel, but whenever I try to picture the nominal love interest I picture a monstrous centipede with a human face. He's nonhuman, yes, but I didn't really intend for him to be a monstrous centipede. I don't know why this idea is haunting me.

Boo. Just take pity on me and give me the info.

I made about $4000/year in a good year. There were about 1.5 good money-making years. It's not much better off than you. And don't you have less debt than I did?

You use your bank. Maybe. You might need my account and/or routing number. Or you can mail a check.

Are you blaming the bonobos for their bad PR?

Like, you took the time to do the math to optimize your strategy? Did you recognize the scenario? It's your problem if you rational behavior leads to your own demise or failure to reproduce. Sorry.

Have you tried drawing him as something other than a monstrous centipede, so you can replace that image with a different one? I was going to say better, but I don't see how someone who reminds you of a monstrous centipede is going to be improved.

Not over a public forum. Meet me in the back alley. Bring cats.

I don't think my debt is significantly smaller than yours. Like, a couple thousand less, tops. When I'm only saving, at best, a thousand dollars a month, that's not a lot.

Mailing a check seems sketchy. And bizarrely old-fashioned. Give me your bank account so I can give you money.

I'm victim-blaming the bonobos, yes. That's how I roll.

The scenarios were simple enough that they could be logic'd in your head. That's why I expected everyone else to be rational! I would have done well if the others had not made extremely poor decisions. It's like they didn't care that much about winning at an unimportant seminar activity with no prizes.

Oh, that's a good idea. That means I just need to come up with some other concepts that don't involve an exoskeleton and lots of legs. Harder than you might expect.

Is the back alley a phone, or an email? I don't have any cats with me. Chicken cats?

If you save 1k per month, you can easily repay an individual loan in less than a year. Hit the high interest ones first and you're good to go in, what, three years? Less than me!

If I see you in the back alley I'll consider it.

That's definitely what I would do. Winning pointless things is much better than not winning them.

You can do exoskeletons and many legs and have it come out looking like something other than a giant centipede. A giant millipede, for example. Much more romantic.