Yeah... now Ash is like "I'd take it and keep looking for something and would quit if something came up", so I told him, the guy on the interview said they are not looking for a person who will quit them once something better comes up... Maybe eployers just say stuff like that, but I take it seriously. Anyways, I felt like I would be a total shit, they'd eat me, the open space terrifies me, plus I can't focus in noise (grandma's radio is playing, she's singing, the washing machine is being super loud and there's a neighbour hammering his apartment somewhere in the building. yeah, super quiet environment XD), and it seemed like they'd give me a lot of overtime, at least the guy presented it that way. So I got super scared QAQ Plus he said it's only 10-20% translations and the rest is like power point and stuff, so I'm like "ooh, I'm not gonna do some diagrams and presentations for your ass, do it yourselves" ;>_>
The guy seemed nice, but fake. Somehow. And the other guy that called me was similar over the phone. And I hate fake, anything fake

Okay, excuses, I just got scared x.x

Ah I see Jacob :)

Well mem. Now you have to stick with your decision anyway :D But I think you did it right :)

Thank you, Julez, that means a lot to me. How pathetic am I for needing validation of my own, independent decisions?

Nooo that's not pathetic! It simply shows that you are not sure. But this is okay as this is a meaningful decision, so it is obvious you care a lot about it. :)

I think my problem is, I care more about the judgement I get after making the decision. Like, my therapist said to follow my gut, so I did and I was content with my decision. Then I ask Ash if he's mad at me about it, he says no, but on the other hand, he'd do it differently. And I, instead of remembering to stop comparing myself to him, because we're not the same person, nor are we competing with each other in any way, like my therapist also reminded me of all that, I go insecure that maybe I've made a bad move, because Ash would do it the other way. Like, why do I do this to myself? Is that crazy? x.x
Now that I've thought of it a bit and I made the essay above, I feel a little better about my decision. Because I'm not my boyfriend, and I do things differently. Period. That feels like a good affirmation actually.

See? Good job!
Writing things down also helps me a lot to see things clearer. I usually start writing a mess, but it gets clearer and clearer :)

Riiight?! It works a miracle! XD Good to know it's not just me, because sometimes after writing stuff down I feel like an idiot for not realizing this stuff sooner


Guuuuys, I gotta share it, I can't wait for this movie! And I'll probably have to wait for it to be released on Blue-Ray or smthn so it would be downloadable on torrents because European cinemas suck and they don't give us the juicy Bolly productions QnQ

I think I've heard of this movie, too :)

Yea, writing down helps a lot.. :)
Feels like I did not achieve anything yesterday..