That sounds like way more work than just hunting him down and challenging him to a Libertarian duel, in the manner of his people.

Mebbe.

Just buy the matches. What's the worst that could happen? You don't start a huge fireball in your kitchen/entire apartment?

Technically it's a heat sensor, because the crud on the bottom heats faster than water would. Technology is physics.

Fine. If anyone shows up at the house I will accost them and demand knowledge about the proper fit of various horse clothing.

Then I'm afraid you'll have to forfeit the DIY appendectomy section of the duel. Not sure your score can recover after a loss like that.

I could start an even huger fireball in my apartment. Apparently, spellcheck thinks that "huger" is a word. For some reason that offends me.

Regardless of heat sensors, I successfully made the risotto again. My life is so good. My lunch is so good.

Do I have to help out at Quiz now that it's been pushed back a weekend? I assume it's too late to get a volunteer t-shirt.

Maybe I should just stick to quietly resenting him when he tries to engage me in conversation. That's a nice way to spend a Sunday morning in Consuite.

Huger. Yeah, mine too. I am also offended. Why do you want a larger fireball?

You know what I have for lunch? Soylent. It's insensitive of you to bring up your lunch to me.

You're not coming home for the 21st, right? If you're around, definitely. There will probably be a shirt available. Probably still available if you're not around.

How is writing coming?

Conventions are weird places where the Geek Social Fallacies are elevated to near-law. There should be some tactful way of communicating, "Yes, I am in a social space, but I do not want to socialize with you, right now". Like a black card situation.

I don't really want a larger fireball. No fireball would be the preferable thing. The stovetop hasn't done that for a while, though, so maybe I'm getting better at convincing it to ignite.

I will bring up my lunch all I please. I get to choose between risotto and butter chicken with naan for every meal.
I am discovering a whole world of delicious rice. Do you know that you don't have to buy the plain white rice when you buy rice? There are so many kinds of rice. Arborio. Basmati. They are all beautiful and all delicious in their own way.

Oh, no, whoops, I forgot that this weekend also exists. Not coming home until the weekend after. Phew. Dodged that Quiz-shaped bullet.

Writing is surprisingly good. My pacing is a mess, but I've made peace with that. This novel will not be my bestseller debut, but it'll be nice to have finished something for once.
My writing would be better if you sent me inspirational Pern-MCU fanfic. Give it to me.

I call it "monosyllabic answers and fleeing the space as soon as possible." I believe there is a guide to saying no to unwanted conversation in the souvenir guide.

You want Fireball, you say? Whiskey? We can do that. We'll have some ready for you when you return.

Saaaaaaad.
I am aware of the rices. I don't particularly care about their nuances, because I intend to cook them poorly and eat them a) under heavy sauce or b) with soy sauce alone.

Several weekends left in April. How long are you staying in the non-Quiz weekend? Want to go to the Horse Expo? There's also a swordfighting demo, if you're interested. And Battle Beast at the Cabooze. Dad and I are going with or without you.

This is original fiction, right? How are you supposed to post that online? I am confused.
mmmmmno. The parts I didn't send you are less good, and I ran out of outline. It devolved into "something something knife fight" by the end of November. That's the final bullet point in my outline. So, spoiler alert?

Newfangled souvenir guide. Is the entire purpose of the guide for you to open it to that page and show it to the person you don't want to converse with? They might take that hint.

Please do not. I would waste it. Or throw it at my enemies.

But they are so much more delicious than plain white rice! Even with sauce their beauty shines through! Your life would be better with better rice in it.

Not sure how long I'm staying. That's after my committee meeting, and right now, the world ends with my committee meeting. No sense in planning on doing things after the world has ended.

Right, because I post all of my other writing. I definitely don't leave it to rot on my hard drive. Right.
Everything you write is good! Or at least so good that I would love to read it! Give it to me and I'll tell you it's good.
If the final bullet point ends in "knife fight", then that's a pretty clear sign that your characters all die in that knife fight. Sounds like a neatly composed ending to me.

I think so? It's the Convergence souvenir guide. I rarely read it anymore.

Confirmed. Full bottle of Fireball on your bed when you check in. Only green M&Ms. Furry comics in the bathroom.

Eh. If I want good rice, I'll go to a restaurant where they cook it well.

Yeah. That happens a lot. Remember to take charge early with a dominance display. Committees like well structured meetings. If given the chance, they will scrutinize you. Give them no chance.

You would never do something like that.
Nope. There is variation in quality. You aren't allowed to see it... unless there is a trade on the table.
It's a very broad bullet point in addition to having a very firm ending. Not really satisfying as an outline item.

Really? I guess you don't spend much time sitting around waiting for panels to start. That is its usual purpose. You still read all of the Minicon handouts, yes? To pass time and keep people from talking to you?

Can I also request pictures of Nicolas Cage to be distributed around the room? All the best hotels offer that service.

Or you could cook it well yourself? It's not that hard. With some modifications, good basmati rice can be made in a rice cooker.

Is it acceptable to not let them talk? I have a presentation ready, and I don't really want to hear their feedback after I give it. Get in-give presentation-get out is the current plan.

But Merch, I don't care about the variation in quality, because we've already established that I think everything you write is good. I probably wouldn't have even noticed the variation if you had given me the whole thing at once. Just give it to me.
Are you sure you want the Pigfic? It's only 28000 words long, and since I had been pacing it as a very slow burn, there really isn't any romance. It's not quite canon-compliant anymore either. Plus I had to make some stuff up about Tonton based on the content of some filler episodes.
I can give you a list of other possible trade goods if you want.

I have found that Pokemon Go is a better use of my time if I'm waiting for a panel. Especially if the hotel has free meeting wifi.

Definitely. We'll put Nicolas Cage in places you have never had Nicolas Cage before. Ideally, you'll miss a few and they'll stick around for decades.

Eh.

That's the problem. They are expected to talk. They feel like it is helpful for you. It's their job. Just take notes very earnestly and pretend that you are pleased by their feedback.

Nope. It is very obvious. I start having tense issues and everything. But it's really sort of split up between some sort of okay stuff that isn't written well, and some really questionable stuff that isn't written well at all. So we're talking two separate trades.
Yes, a list. Be the merchant NPC.

You kids these days and your pokemans.

Heck, I probably won't even remove the Nic Cages I find, and they'll all become permanent fixtures.

I don't want them to talk. John already talked enough when I showed it to him. All I need is for them to give my topic the OK.

Hey now, you never said anything about two tiers of trading. Is the lower-level stuff at least sequentially last, so I can buy in installments? Or do I have to buy both at once?
"Welcome, Traveler! Please feel free to browse my wares!"
Pigfic, Naruto, 28k, unfinished; Slow-burn megalomaniac-pig romance
Crossdressing Partycrasher, Cinderella Phenomenon, 4k, finished; Romantic established-relationship fic for a visual novel you've never heard of. I literally have no idea why you would want to read this.
Plague, Original, currently 60k, unfinished; November's NaNo project that I am currently finishing.
Evil Sorcerers, Original, 50k, sort-of finished; Last year's NaNo project, serialized short stories that reach an okay stopping point
Con Artists, Original, 50k, unfinished; My first NaNo
Cold War Piano, Dragon Age, 58k, unfinished; AU fanfic about me and my evil elf god boyfriend. Please don't request this one; it's self-indulgent nonsense.
Western, Homestuck, 8k, unfinished; very old fanfic about Terezi being a sheriff/washerwoman in the old west
Romance Oneshots, Digimon, 2.3k, 2.4k, 2.7k, 2.2k, 2k, finished; These were supposed to be a series I was writing about Sora that never got completed. All stand alone but can be purchased as a package set. Het and Femmeslash.
Tiny Thing, Dragon Age, 1k, finished; Very short fic about me and my evil elf god boyfriend. No idea why you would want this, either.
Christmas in Japan, Free! Iwatobi Swim Club, 4.5k, finished; My attempt at writing a romantic Christmas fic. Rei/Nagisa.
Space Pirates, Ouran High School Host Club, 50k, unfinished; Chapters are episodic and focus on different characters, and as such can almost stand alone despite being unfinished overall

That's everything that's in any state to be shared with others, even the stuff I assume you don't care about. Make me an offer.