First of all *hugs Firn*
I get you, I believe my mom is in a similar situation. She's been working hard all her life and it's still not paying off at all. You could easily blame it on her, like it was her desicion to follow her passion instead of listening to her father and study accounting or stuff. And I know she blames herself for that, that she did the studies too late. Now she's failed in her passion that was sewing and designing clothes, and also a failed accountant with a degree but without any job experience. Simply because she was too old to qualify for any internships financed by the government. And no one ever wanted to hire her without experience, even on internships (from the companies, not financed by the Gov).
No wonder she's depressed
Second of all, I read the articles. The detailed one completely blew my mind, not because it shattered my beliefs in a just world, but because I realized I don't believe in it, so I'm more like... why should I bother? I'm more likely to fail than succeed, even with all the hard work I put into things. Statistically there are more people who fail at reaching their dreams than people who succeeded. That's probably why I have no motivation.
Plus I have anxiety, which doesn't help, I'm terrified of failing anyways. So my irrational fear of failure combined with the belief in the world full of injustice leads me to subconsciously (up until now, until I realized it) sabotage myself with procrastination. I don't try anymore because I believe I will most probably fail anyway.
I have low self-esteem, I'm between jobs, I think I'm completely usless by now. Yay me and my brain.
But one thing should and I hope will help me get back on track with things. If I won't do anything to try to achieve my dreams then I'll be a bitter old cat lady without anyone and without any achievements. And I'll regret not trying eventually. Yes, I'm trying to motivate myself right this moment, it's pathetic

XD
Fun fact, I dreamed about octopuses last night and I'm like wth, why octopuses? So I searched it in an on-line dream-book. Apparently octopuses in dreams stand for irrational fears. Nailed that one like a Sir, am I right? XD
So in conclusion, the article made me realize just how and why I'm as unmotivated as I am.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go continue my job search, then maybe try other important stuff I should do... and it's Wednesday already
