Dog damn it, I got such a stomach ache. Only because my sister is messing again.
My mom and I agreed bf and I would move in to her place. But mom's apartment was one huge storage (a whole different story), so I decided I'd help her clean it up before we moce in.
But suddenly my sister calls mom, tells her she needs to move out of her rented place until the end of the month (so 2 weeks left) and asked her if she can move in with her. Another thing is - she wants to leave the country in a few months, but dog knows if it will ever happen. At first mom told her it's impossible, because she made a deal with me. But then she mellowed and now we're supposed to move in with mom, although the apartment is not anywhere near ready (no door knobs for example?), because K wants to move in to grandma's place and she has to start taking her stuff somewhere.
Dog effing damn it, go to hell K, rot in there! Everything must be alsways your way!
And when we say we won't move out, because mom's apartment is not ready, she's throwing hissy fits apparently! She says mom didn't tell her anything except that we want to move in there, but as far as I know, mom explained to her we're cleaning the apartment for that purpose, not that we're moving in within days. So it's only logical we'll move in when the apartment is ready, right?
And mom gets angry with me for not being able to decide if we want to stay with grandma or to move in with her (in these ridiculous conditions! no way!), so I'm at fault again! And dad was helping K with moving her stuff to grandma's basement (so he knows K is pissed and he only knows her side of the story). So I can feel I'm becoming the bad sister in everybody's eyes again, the inevitable is coming and I'm not ready yet to face them all, calling me out on being the worst sister!
!@#$%^&*()(*&^$@ Ugh, I can't stand that stomach ache, and I've only heard her voice today, didn't even see her!
I'm drinking double cammomile tea now, hoping it will help. Even bf got so empathic his own stomach hurts now.
Now somebody tell me I shouldn't cut myself out from all of them: from K, from my parents who will surely tell me I'm in the wrong, grandma being the same, etc. I dare you. Tell me cutting myself away is a mistake. Should I just suffer and get stomach ulcers and die of them because it's wrong to cut yourself away from your family who's toxic?

I could try the next time I hear some accusations. But I don't think it will stop them from openly judging me as the bad one. It's so frustrating you know? I can't do much besides defend myself, and even that doesn't seem like it's enough.

You should cut your family out of your lie. Stop cleaning your mom's apartment and just go. I am not mad at you, but if you're getting ill because of them, and they will not isten to what you have to say and still believe you are the bad sister, then you need to cut them out of your life.

I don't think I'm ready yet... I mean, I'm mad at my parents and at grandma for being like this. For telling me I'm overreacting and that I should forgive her because she's my only sister. But I still love them somehow, you know? I try to help mom with the apartment, because I don't want her to live like this. Although somewhere deep down I know, once she stays alone, no one else living with her, she'll make the same mess all over again...
And I already have a weak relation with my dad, but I still don't want to totally break it.
My grandma, well, she's just old and doesn't understand many things anymore. If she ever understood anything...
I'm only ready to cut K out of my life, but for the rest, I'm not ready yet. I can minimize the contact, but it doesn't change anything.

Mem, you do not owe her an apology. You do not owe her forgiveness. Your only responsibility is to yourself and your own well-being. Please take care of yourself.

Thank you for the kind words. It's always nice to make sure other people think similarly, especially when I suddenly feel pressured by my family again... So a big thank you

*is called a saint* *is named after a martyr* *has prematrimonial sex* I ain't no saint, just a sucker for my stupid family But thank you Also for reading, I truly appreciate it *hugs*

Imma go to hell for the sex, but at least I don't feel I've wasted my life for being a prude

Oh, and by the way, welcome to the Kingdom, hope you stay to have the fun with us