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 Post subject: How do I get him help?
Posted: Jul 31st, '18, 22:33    


Trickett

Joined: Dec 5th, '16, 00:47
Posts: 20
Hugs: 1853
Hey, I don't really want to post.
I don't know anywhere in the real world I can get advise from so I'm here.
It feels like there's so few people anywhere I could post, like noone could really give me any advise that's worthwhile. I don't know how anyone here can help but I don't know what to do.

I've been in a long distance relationship for over 4 years.
I live in the U.K., my boyfriend's in the U.S..

He's in a really bad way and I don't know how to help him.

He's an angry person from the start but things are getting very bad.
He's in a town he hates (there's really nothing there). He's in a room he hates with no desk space, sleeping on a camper bed. He has some dumbells but he can't exercise or swim like he wants to. I don't think he likes his family much.
He can't work. He has ADHD and I think at this point his depression/anger issues would be a huge hindrance in any job he could get. He won't get the evaluation to help him get benefits because he doesn't want to go to the office and he doesn't want to feel like he's feeding off the state.
He needs downtime but he can't really find games or films to watch.

His grandma has given him a small amount of money but he's a perfectionist and he's stuck in a place where he won't do anything "temporary" to help his situation.
He wants to build a specialist bed with custom mattress but he doesn't have to tools or know where to source the materials.
He won't make discissions on desks because he wants to upgrade his computer and he doesn't know how much space everything will take up.
He has really elaborate computer set ups he never finishes and doesn't have all the parts for.
He just has too much he wants to do with no start point or way to cut it down. Whenever he thinks of anything he wants to do, he just gets overwhelmed.

I've visited three times but I don't know what I can do to help. I've told him I'll buy him desk space and suggested visiting the furniture store but he wasn't having any of it.

I don't know how to get him money. I don't know how to get him help. I don't know how to get him out.
He's just sitting and stewing everyday.
He's so angry everyday and I just make things worse.
Things are in such a dead-end and I can't find a way out for him.

Thanks for reading.
Sorry I never respond to your life issues, I'm a very shy person, I don't really like forums. ):

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 Post subject: Re: How do I get him help?
Posted: Aug 3rd, '18, 22:21    


Reht

Joined: Oct 20th, '14, 00:58
Posts: 242
Hugs: 12823
Website: http://www.squareaquarium.com
Location: England
I suppose the best thing that you can do is to keep telling him that you support him and that you'll do anything that you can to help him.
Honestly though, it seems like he needs to start helping himself - it's easy to wallow in your own feelings, but when it comes to mental health you have to put the effort in to help yourself - force yourself to go outside, see friends & take steps to improving your situation. It's hard, and he'll have set backs and feel frustrated, but it really is something he has to pull himself out of (although support is also important and helps).

Has he tried seeing a medical professional for his mental health?
It can be daunting, especially with the various stigma around mental health, but if he's struggling this much, it probably is something he needs to do.

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 Post subject: Re: How do I get him help?
Posted: Aug 4th, '18, 10:45    


Trickett

Joined: Dec 5th, '16, 00:47
Posts: 20
Hugs: 1853
Thanks for responding.

He did see someone at some point but I don't think much came of it.
He has a big issue with the waiting room. Maybe if he had something to occupy him like a tablet it might help, maybe.
But they don't have the money and if they did, it would loop back into not knowing what to spend it on and having to build a unique Raspberry Pi tablet.
He did buy a laptop last year but he smashed the screen on it. :/

Even so, he's very dependant on other people so he can displace blame onto them easily, I guess. He doesn't see that though, nothing is his fault. It's hard to convince him he can help himself.

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 Post subject: Re: How do I get him help?
Posted: Sep 14th, '18, 23:02    


Bunnei

Joined: Feb 17th, '09, 02:13
Posts: 4066
Hugs: 112061
Mood: Fall colors <3
Location: Oregon. U.S.
I know it may be hard to hear sometimes, but he needs to want to help himself first, especially if he isn't willing to accept any help from you.
Seems to me that he wants an easy wayout but wont do anything to improve his life or situation. I know ADHD can be tough, but he needs to find a way to move past his issues and improve his life to make himself happy.
You can't count on someone else for your own happiness.
Honestly i think he is bringing you down and you maybe need to do the best you can for yourself, and not worry about him if he can't grow up and figure out how to fix his situation himself, he probably isn't worth your time, and worry
good luck

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